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Hey, Im not hiding things in my couch very much anymore. and I didnt realize that I was putting so much under my table....
I love you
06:15 Sep 28 2010 Times Read: 995
So um, I wrote a really long (about four pages) journal entry only for VR to log me out due to IP address issues.
I have seen areas of my computer I'm sure not many people get the chance to see on theirs.
I was exploring the hardcore files located on my physical memory with my forensics toolkit on my Virtual Machine I use for class.
I have to say is I should not find bits of files I deleted over 6 months ago!
Holy crap!
I had fun but dang it, I'm done. I don't know what I'm doing and I admit it. There's a reason why I had my Hex readers and things in read-only mode so I couldn't accidentally delete or change something.
Powerful programs. Really powerful.
I honestly don't know what I expected but I got blown away by exploring it all ahead of my class.
=)
At least I've figured out how to load my host computer information up in my Virtual Nachine! This is going to be fun to experiment as I gain knowledge about these programs and learn the techniques.
Ohh dear god... I really hope that I am not gonna hear about violating computers all quarter!!!!
But I am glad that you are exited about it all.
01:40 Sep 28 2010 Times Read: 1,000
I just got a nice, hot twenty minute shower.
It was well-deserved.
I got most of the things on my list done.
Supper was yummy as heck.
Aurora has been a challenge today.
She's in bed a half-hour early because she threw her supper, gravy and all, on the carpet. Ugh! It's too late to steam clean too. Against our damn lease.
*grumbles*
At least the kitties got up most of it! ♥
I'm eating ice cream and waiting for my Brett Brett to get home from his appointment.
=)
*mumbles* Is it bad I want to tell my daughter...
"Shut up, Aurora Bliss, and go to bed! Let me have a little tiny bit of peace before I have to go to bed!"
It has just been one of those days and I'm still trying to see the brighter shade of things!
The good thing is that your day is nearly over and tomorrow's a new one :)
17:31 Sep 27 2010 Times Read: 1,004
Aurora's upset because I've been trying to do some of my homework here and there. She really grumpy because I only gave her four licorice bears and won't give her anymore.
I've cleaned everything of the hamster's but its turnabout. I'm leaving that for Brett.
=)
I've gotten a majority of the kitchen counters cleaned up and organized.
I need to sort through the meat in the fridge to package it up and put most of it in the freezer.
I doubt I'm going to get everything I want to get done since Aurora isn't taking her nap early... she's watching Scooby Doo the movie. She is so going to nap after this though!
I think I'm losing it a little bit. I don't know why though.
I'm stressed, yes. I'm hurting and tired, yes. I'll even admit I'm a bit impatient today.
However, I'm as organized as I can be with a two, almost three year old and everything I'm wanting to get done. I'm taking breaks when I can to do homework but give my legs and back a rest, and I'm pacing myself.
It isn't going to be the end of the world if I don't get everything done that I want to. I can't expect my body to deal with my wanting to get everything completed.
Heh! I have like five baskets of clothes to sort through from the weekend when I was doing homework.
=P
God, at least clothes are washable... right now, Aurora is getting the licorice on her tanktop.
And I'll say this...
That drawer in the kitchen that's the "collect all" drawer... Oh my gawd! It was horrid! LOL! It's a little better now... a little.
I'm supposed to be asleep but I just can't get there and stay asleep with no nightmares.
Midol usually puts me to sleep so I didn't take my regular sleep medication. I guess it was a big mistake on my part.
Ugh! So since the Midol make me feel wide the hell awake... I just took two Melatonin 3 mg tablets at one o'clock in the morning.
I've started planning out my day for when I do wake up and my homework list is now complete for this week on what I need to get done. I need to print it out but I'm worried I'll wake up Brett.
Aurora still has the sniffles and a slight cough but nothing major. We've been giving her Motrin for it.
I'm tired of myself though. I need to change some habits of mine and I don't really know where to begin. I guess I've made a good starting point with talking to Brett about what is getting to me so much lately. Other than that, just doing my homework, spending time with him and Aurora and getting what cleaning I can, done, is all I can do at the moment.
I feel drained lately.
I didn't get a couple of my assignments completed tonight but I'm planning on doing them before the end of today.
Major things on my list of today is...
Finish up my homework that is now late.
Clean out both hamster cages.
Rearrange and sort the cabinets and kitchen counter.
Move Aurora's bookshelf from the landing to the upstairs.
Move things around on the landing.
Hang up the pictures I want to get up.
Sort through the "collect all" drawer in the kitchen and shelf number three on the media shelf.
Sort through magazines and possibly slice up at least ten.
Hang up clothes.
Rearrange the upstairs closet.
♥
Some of this is going to be with the help of Aurora and some of it will be during her nap time.
God, meds kick in already!
... Going to try to sleep again. After all, I'm holding down the fort today... and Brett Brett isn't going to be here.
I swear this week Aurora isn't going to the playground or park or anything until after I get my homework done or close to being finished.
Oh, we took her to the Pumpkin Festival on Thursday! She was terrified on the two rides she went on.
=(
But she enjoyed the music, the ice cream, the fries, and the environment.
We may take her to the park or playground on Tuesday if she's good and doesn't have accidents on PURPOSE during the night.
I'm exhausted. It's that time of the month and I just want to sleep today but I can't. Too much to get done, too much happening, and too many interesting things I haven't gotten to do or finish yet in my classes.
Well our daughter is addicted to the zoo and the park...
I wonder who is gonna have wood the next time we go.... We don't have a good record so far... 2 for 2 someone was getting frisky....lol
17:29 Sep 22 2010 Times Read: 1,038
Yesterday was a blast... until I got humped by a goat in the petting area and saw a pony penis in the barn area.
Ugh!
What happened is two days ago I wanted to take Aurora to the park then changed my mind to taking her to the zoo... but it was too late.
So we went yesterday. I cleaned all morning and called my mom to invite her along.
We were at the Good Zoo at about 2 o'clock and it closes at 4. There isn't anything too dazzling about it but it is a decent zoo for sure.
$14 for Brett and me, Aurora was free and my mom paid her way.
We saw the bears and Aurora got to see how her hand compares in size to an actual live bear paw. Both bears were in the front of the enclosure and laying on their backs.
Then the otters... no flips or swimming for us though. They were sleeping in the cool shade.
Next, Aurora saw the zebras with daddy while I and my mom walked a little ahead. She was amazed by them.
=)
She went on to the kangaroos but stopped at the netted enclosure to see the woman taking care of the lorikeets. The bird came over on the limb to say hello to Aurora. I got pictures but you can barely see the bird on the other side.
The kangaroos were actually hopping and SO ADORABLE! There were two really young joeys just chowing down on the food. The didn't mind Aurora watching them or squealing in the least.
Hehe.
The African wild dogs were sleeping and wouldn't get up for us.
The ocelot, turtles, red pandas and lemurs were acting like they were putting on a show. LOL!
There were also an antelope type animal there but I can't remember the correct name. Hmm.
We went on the wetlands were Aurora got to feed the ducks, crane, turtles and black swans. She didn't want to leave.
Next was the goats. It's a petting area where you can go in and pet and feed them. Well, we were petting the goats and Aurora gave a couple of them hugs. We went to the furthest side of the fenced in area (in the corner) to see if we could pet the llama.
That is when it happened. The goat came over and started humping my leg. The thing was chest level on me. I have three bruises on my inner thighs from trying to get the thing off of me.
Brett had Aurora in his arms so he couldn't really help me and my mom was outside of the area.
I was on my own and fighting the goat.
Damn thing...
I felt violated.
Anyways... went the see the llama in the proper area. And fed the goats and llama from outside the fence so we didn't get mauled.
Saw chickens.
After, we went to the barn. Aurora heard a donkey make the loud noise it does. I can't remember all to spell it. Bray? Is that right?
We went to see the pony in the stall but Aurora didn't get to see it long because of that um extra appendage? LOL! I seriously didn't care to explain the difference between boys and girls yesterday.
Saw the hog and barn owls. Brett and her got to see the hawk while my mom and I headed up the hill.
Oh and before we started on the outside area to see the bears... we saw different kind of frogs, salamanders, snakes, birds, and two types of monkeys. Oh and meerkats!
Aurora was eye level with a spider monkey, thanks to her daddy! ♥
When seeing the lemurs she was telling the one to saw his food with her. It was cute and sweet.
We went into the train room for a few since it was almost closing time.
And left there.
From the zoo, we went to the lake and playground area.
=)
We went on a paddle boat for $5.65 for all four of us. Aurora and I wore lift-jackets. We spent an hour out there on the pond... lake... whatever it is. She was trying to paddle it with me and was also playing in the water. We chased ducks in the water and went towards the fountain too. We got wet. LOL!
After getting off, we went to the playground. We stayed there for what seemed like forever. It was only about an hour though. Aurora wouldn't talk to the other kids but was playing with them and starting to learn to take turns and things.
When we left, she was screaming... of course.
... We all knew it was coming.
I'm still tired and hurting. I have an appointment today with my therapist.
So even though yesterday morning and Monday I was cleaning insanely, I've still been cleaning today and trying to unclutter our apartment.
I've put fabric skirt type things around Brett's small table for him and his homework and the coffee table so we can store things under there in baskets... like Aurora's toys and stuff!
LOL!
I can't wait to put Aurora down for her nap after we finish watching "Another Cinderella Story." I need to wait until Brett gets home to get a shower. Until then... I'm just cleaning and trying to do some homework.
I haven't been able to get on here much. The last time I was on here... Aurora almost cleared my whole journal. I wish there was a requirement for the clearing of it. But eh... Cancer has enough to deal with, I'm sure.
I haven't been getting on here that much. Honestly, I just can't be bothered. I miss reading the journals that I usually go to and the friends that I do talk to.
I miss Frankie tons. ♥
I started my classes on Monday.
On Saturday, my mom and sister took Aurora to a water park with them. It's indoors so no sunburn or worry about the weather.
I've been sick as a dog and under the weather. I've been honestly sleeping much of the day away for a week or so now with the medicines I'm on.
I haven't vomited or gotten sick today so maybe I'm finally getting over it.
I'm a little saddened that the two weeks I was off, I didn't get much that I set out to do, done.
However, I'm moving on.
No sense crying over it and I already know that.
You know, I hate the fact that I miss you at times. I miss the feel of your body next to mine and the taste of your kiss. I happen to miss the way your body tensed when I bit you and when I scratched. I miss the whispers in my ear and the hopes of the next time. I miss you and sadly, I hate some of the memories but I wouldn't change it for the world. Thank you.
I still love you but I don't like to admit it. ♥
Now that is off my chest, I may be able to concentrate on setting up my list for tomorrow. I'm hoping to not have to take the pearl thing to be able to breath without coughing up a storm. It makes me sleep.
I want to make a big dent in my classwork and what I want to get completed this week as far as going through things in the living room.
No matter what is thrown my way anymore, I'm going to tackle it and move the heck on taking the lessons with me.
I know that you don't like being sick. But ytou are getting better.
I know that you will do well in you classes. You have been looking forward to these classes for far too long not to do well, even with the insanity of the econ class...
Im not sure if the green is in reference to me or not so I am not gonna comment on that....
Today I want to get some cleaning and things done. My classes start on Monday and I want something to show for this damn two week break other than empty pill bottles from me being so sick.
I'm getting ready to scrub the living room floor now. Ugh! I need to freakin' do something about Brett not really helping. This is supposed to be a relationship with both people taking part. Not me trying to clean up all of Aurora's messes and his too!
I went to the Urgent Care yesterday. I ended up telling Brett to get someone because I felt like I was going to pass out. Not even a minute later, they called my name as he was going to the window. I was trying to get my license and medical card out of my wallet as the nurse went to get a wheelchair and I passed out at the window. I'm glad I didn't fall at least.
I have an upper respiratory viral infection and I'm dehydrated from all the puking I've been doing.
They gave me the pearls for the cough, phenergan for the puking and an antibiotic.
I've been sleeping most of today. I feel like crap. I can't remember when I ate something last and it seems like things are running together since I wake up for a little just to fall back asleep.
I feel like hell. I caught whatever it is off of Aurora. I've been puking, sleeping a lot, not wanting to eat, coughing, sneezing like crazy, body cramps, and at different points in the day, I feel like I can't breath.
Brett had to stay home today even though my stepdad is still working on the roof. If he has to stay home tomorrow because of Aurora and I being sick, we're going to the doctor's office tomorrow.
This morning I could barely move. This evening... It took five minutes to get the phone from the kitchen, like five feet away on charge
Not good.
At any rate, I'm alive and kicking and crappers. I'm still trying to get things done but today I slept like over 3/4ths of the day away.
I've been cleaning since the last entry. So far I've gotten some of the dishes done, the fridge reorganized (still need to wash the shelves and door), clothes washed, groceries put away, and trash gathered up.
I want to vacuum the living room today before Brett comes home. Aurora is coughing but not puking anymore since about 10:30 am. So almost two hours since the last time.
She's been lounging on her daddy's couch watching Scooby Doo and not wanting to really play too much.
I feel horrible for trying to clean while she's not feeling good. I feel like I should be spending more time with her today and until she feels better. I feel horrible that she's sick.
=(
Time to give her medicine. If she doesn't start getting better, Tuesday I'm going to have to take her to the doctor's office. Brett's going to be helping with the roof so it'll just be me.
I have so much to get done. Aurora is sick and so not being herself the past couple of days. Brett is not here during the days starting today and ending whenever my stepdad gets the roof completed.
Sometime in the next few days, I need to...
1. Get clothes sorted, washed, dried, and hung up/folded.
2. Spray paint the media shelf and the bookcase in the living room.
3. Separate all of the game systems from the television and take that entertainment center down.
4. Figure out something that will work for the television and ALL the game systems.
5. Sort through things on the bookcase and fix it how I want it with the three shelf being a "hideaway" and that way, Aurora cannot get things off of it.
6. Learn to sew with the sewing machine.
7. Fix two end tables, a coffee table, and a small bookcase with fabric so that under the end tables and under the coffee table becomes storage for totes of toys and books... The bookcase is going to be fixed with bright hot pink leopard print fabric for Aurora. She picked it out.
8. Clean out the fridge.
9. Scrub the hallway carpet and our bedroom carpet.
10. Sort through the cabinets in the kitchen and organize them... again.
11. Mop the kitchen floor, bathroom floor and laundry room floor.
12. Bath the two kitties. Oh they are going to be PISSED.
13. Start taking measurements for the loveseat and couch to figure out how much fabric would be needed for covers.
That is in the next few days. By the end of this week, I want it all done. Completed... FINISHED.
I don't know how many days Brett's going to be needed to finish the roof. He's helping from start to finish. Right now, it is only him and my stepdad working on it.
With Aurora throwing up though... I'm not sure how productive my week is going to be.
I know my classes start on the 13th. *sighs* It has been flying away.
I feel horrible. I didn't get much sleep at all. I slept for about 20 minutes cuddling with Brett and then an hour or two before he left. I feel like I'm lightheaded and stuff.
To make matter worse, I'm hoping Brett gets done with his final early today. I'm trying to clean and things. It is not working!
Aurora is throwing everything down that I pick up plus more. She got a sucker stuck on one of my favorite shirts that are hand wash only.
I can't turn my back for one minute. She has unlocked the door about six times now... including when the mailman was knocking on the door for my package.
I feel like I'm going to pass the heck out... from exhaustion whether it be physical, mental, emotional or from not eating right or drinking enough. I don't know.
I've been edgy and stuff today. I want physical contact with the few people I feel safe next to or the one I know I would feel safe next to. I want a two hour nap if I can get it in.
I mean hell, I've hung up three baskets of clothes. I've put the dishes away. I've battled with Aurora to get most of her stuff cleaned up.
I'm hoping to get the rest of the dishes done, another load or two of clothes, vacuum the living room floor, change the cat litter, go to the store later this evening, and try to regain something that resembles my sanity?
Thursdays are supposed to be girls' day with my mom, me, and Aurora going somewhere and out to eat. Just something so we can spend time together, I get away from the apartment and Aurora gets out too.
I don't know if I want to go tomorrow. I'm so tired of fighting Aurora every step of the way lately. I probably will go though considering it will probably be the only real time I get to go out while someone else is also keeping a constant eye on Aurora.
I know Brett tries... but he loses himself so much in different things. He zones. It's aggravating. I know I do it too once in a while but he does it almost every day at least twice a day.
I love him and I've been trying to help him with it but nothing I seem to suggest or offer works or just seeems to irritate him or make him angry.
He is no where near as bad as he was in August/September of last year. I'm proud of how far he has come.
But I will say I'm tired of him supposed to call the nurse to get in touch with his doctor to get back on his ADHD medicine and his antidepressant. He's been off of them both for over a month. It's frustrating for him to get so much better and than start slipping back just as Aurora and I were getting used to it.
I just laid Aurora down for her nap... now if she actually takes it.
Ugh!
I want to pack my care package that I'm sending to me Frankie. I got one of the last things today.
Teehee!
I love you, chica! ♥ I'm jealous of what I got you! Damn it, I'm getting one of those and getting you one of what I got.
Hahahahaha! Wow. I'm weird. Maybe you're right that I'm crazy!
You're gunna send me stuff when we've never even met..
There's a significant amount of trust involved in that on both our parts I hope you realise :)
I wish there was something I could do to help you out - I'm not too bad at cleaning lol and I won't faff about xD
If you need me I'll be here, but I won't be back until a bit later on in the day, after I've seen Grace.
x
05:42 Sep 01 2010 Times Read: 1,121
I've had a bad night so far.
I fell asleep, only to wake up from a nightmare about the past. I couldn't stop feeling so fuckin dirty and filthy. I tried to talk myself out of a shower but didn't succeed. I was in the shower for at least 45 ,miuntes. THe hot water ran out bu t I ended up not caring anyway I had a flashback and fell in the bathtub. The cold water brought me to reality at least. I have areas where I scrubbed my body to the point of bleeding. I went ahead and took my melatonin even though I had two more nights without it including tonight. I feel like shit.
Nightmares need to kiss my ass and go to hell. fuckin' past.
COMMENTS
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fyre
00:14 Sep 29 2010
Hey, Im not hiding things in my couch very much anymore. and I didnt realize that I was putting so much under my table....
I love you