Honor: 0 [ Give / Take ]
15 entries this month
21:53 Oct 26 2010
Times Read: 1,107
It's storming here pretty bad and it looks like we haven't really "seen" it yet.
I do have pink eye. I got a blood workup too today.
... Damn blood-sucking vampires.
Back of the hand as always and today it's been cramping.
I got eye drops for my eyes that have steroids in them. I also go in to see him on November 9th again.
I wish the itchy feeling would go away or at least my vision would quit being all graininess in nature.
U-G-H!
Complaining over.
=)
I've been packing still. We have until Thursday. Unless I break a bone, we're moving then. Even if I break one, Brett's getting our stuff out to the house.
Our chimney is still "broken" so I'm going to call HEAP about it even though I don't want to. Now is not the time to turn down help when the weather is starting to change, we've given our notice here and have to be out by November 1st, and everything we've been trying with the chimney has not worked.
I'm grateful we can receive help.
Okay so I have stuff to do, I'm getting back off of here and getting busy. I'm trying to keep my mind off of Brett being out in this storm. I'm trying to stay calm. I think I'm doing pretty good at it so far.
Later.
16:43 Oct 25 2010
Times Read: 1,113
I have a follow up appointment with my primary care physician tomorrow for my pneumonia and the newest problem of the eyes.
Itchy. Itchy. Itchy!
They're sensitive to light but other than that there isn't any pain, it's more like discomfort and tons of itchiness.
=(
I hope that if it's pink eye, it's the kind caused from an allergen.
I'm trying to touch as little as possible and that's hard considering Brett's in class.
I'll make do.
14:17 Oct 25 2010
Times Read: 1,121
How can I tell if I have pink eye? God, I'm debating about unpacking the webcam to take a picture.
I have pneumonia. Do I really need pink eye on top of it?!
Fuck!
If I have it, I'm praying Aurora doesn't get it. That's all I can really say.
00:15 Oct 25 2010
Times Read: 1,124
My secret encoded message with the Forensics Toolkit to my professor is...
In my world, unicorns eat rainbows and poop butterflies! -Katie off of Horton Hears a Who.
08:22 Oct 24 2010
Times Read: 1,134
I'm irritated and stressed out.
But I lost my virtual machine and the work I've done on it in the past weeks. I have to redo every lab so that I can do the current one.
Ugh. System reformats suck.
What killed my computer was something called "Antivirus 2010" or that is what it came up as.
I'm going to be heading to bed once my AVG finishes downloading.
18:41 Oct 23 2010
Times Read: 1,141
Brett's not here. I've been cleaning and packing. It's a bitch having to sit down so freakin' often and using an inhaler to be able to breathe.
I want out of this place!
I want to tell that damn woman "go to hell" when we leave. Fuckin' drama causing cunt. I would give her my pneumonia if I could! That's saying something.
... Maybe I should make her muffins and sneeze all over them?
Nah, krama will get her.
When we leave, they won't have rides to get her heart medications, to the bank, to the store, etc.
I feel bad for her husband. He's a veteran and hell, he has even told her several times when she was trying to get information out of me "it's none of your business, Kathy." I'm grateful for him doing that when he hears her.
Going to pack some more. Being sick sucks big, hairy donkey nuts.
Dude, that reminds me. I wish I would have took that guy up on his offer of him dropping his pants so I could see his three nuts. LOL! Brett wanted to see them too. It's just one of those things.
09:50 Oct 23 2010
Times Read: 1,145
Can't believe my luck.
I've been sneezing the past week or so with my eyes watering and my nose watering insanely.
Okay. Took Benadryl for it off and on when it got bad enough and left it at that. I've been cleaning up dust, starting fires in the furnace and cleaning my butt off.
Well, the past two days I've gotten worse. I'm coughing a "tight, deep" cough, I'm vomiting up so much, I'm still sneezing (most was 21 times in a row), eyes watering and burning, sore throat, and mild chest pain.
For over twenty minutes in the evening I was coughing up junk and vomiting. I had problems keeping things in long enough to change from my shorts to my pants to go to the emergency room.
We dropped Aurora off with my mom and Brett took me in.
At least I got in right away.
But yeah, I have bacterial pneumonia.
Yay?
We were supposed to get the U-Haul today. I was supposed to get the rest of things packed yesterday and the day before.
I'm so frustrated at the moment. Dealing with one issue after another freakin' sucks.
But at least I have medicine to get better, right?
U-G-H!
I'm going to try to lay back down. I keep on waking up from feeling like I can't breath and coughing fits.
I plan on today being a day of rest for me... possibly homework too. I'm so behind. *grumbles* But when the medicines start kicking in, I should be able to pack like crazy.
However, this means no U-Haul today.
=(
Later.
11:08 Oct 22 2010
Times Read: 1,147
We get the U-Haul either tomorrow or on Sunday. Today is for the rest of the packing, my homework, putting furnace cement on the one pipe and make sure no smoke bleeds in and washing out the cabinets again.
We have one more damn tree on the electric line to cut down yet. We cut down like five-seven yesterday with hatchets.
Brett worked with liquid cement. Aurora and I stacked a bit of wood on the porch and scrubbed the carpets in the bedroom and the living room.
She's excited to hell and back. She's been crying every time we leave the house to come back to the apartment.
I can't wait to get the hell out of here.
Or to drive a U-Haul again.
... No way in hell I'm letting Brett drive a U-Haul on the gravel road and the other twisting and turning roads I'll have to take.
Not sure when net, phone or anything will be up. The only service out there is AT&T.
I called my high school crush's company yesterday to see if he offered wireless out where we're moving. His mommy called back and let us know he doesn't offer service out there yet because the signal from his towers are too weak.
I'm debating about going to their Christmas tree farm this Christmas with Brett and Aurora so we can go out in a horse drawn buggy and pick our own real tree and talk to him about things. It would be fun.
*I hate real Christmas trees. Maybe it will be a couple of years!*
I remember some of the different things they do out there to celebrate the harvest and things. I'll definitely talk to Theresa (his mom) about it all. I doubt Jacob will be there. But who knows. I know him and Brett would get along great.
=)
Gotta get to homework. I'm listening to my older music while doing it. Shadow is my slave driver.
16:54 Oct 18 2010
Times Read: 1,153
Things are going, I guess. We're super stressed. We're going to be getting the U-Haul on Thursday if all goes according to plan.
So yeah... that's the update.
16:53 Oct 13 2010
Times Read: 1,170
I got to prime some of the kitchen yesterday but I had to putty up the chimney in the kitchen and where the one piece of plywood bulged a little bit because of the chimney.
I don't know if I'm tearing up the linoleum in the kitchen or just leaving it for the winter.
We're getting such a late start.
Got the fridge for $40. Yes, it works. LOL!
I have to putty up a couple of the corners in the kitchen too. I guess I'm just going to use my putty knife for it. I'm thinking of taking the vacuum and steam cleaner out today so I can have Brett clean up the carpet in the bedroom first and possibly the living room before we leave.
We're going to be getting the U-Haul next week, probably on Thursday.
I may get a dryer from Craigslist or the Greentab but I'm not sure. My mom and stepdad have an extra one that works that they can let me use.
Oh, oh, oh. I'm waiting to talk to my mommy but I found firewood cheap on Craigslist. Seasoned firewood. I forgot to ask how long it has been seasoned for though.
It's hardwood. Cherry, Walnut, Maple, and Oak.
He will load, haul, and stack a full cord for $100.
A full cord is split wood stacked alternately in a pile that measures 4 foot X 4 foot X 8 foot.
I'm talking to my mother before I talk to the guy again. He seems nice. He's doing another job though that is in front of the property so he can't get the wood for a couple of days.
However, he asked if I needed it urgently. If so, he could make some calls and get me some wood now.
=)
As I said, he seems pretty dang nice.
I can't believe I'm going to be in the woods again. I'm so excited and happy.
And Brett wants to kill me, I think.
I'm going to put some of the most hideous chicken and flower wallpaper ever somewhere. It's in memory of my stepdad's late wife Betty.
I miss her a lot. I came back from Nashville, TN in January of 2007 for her funeral.
I'm getting to keep the reclining chair my stepdad bought for her. She passed away in it. That doesn't bother me though. It's comforting to me in many ways.
We're going to paint the living room a pecan color if we can and the border and the border for the kitchen too will be a dark brown (cattail color) if we can.
It will look awesome for both the pecan and the goldenrod colors.
We're waiting on painting the bedroom and bathroom for now. Probably until at least February.
I have so much homework, packing and cleaning to do. I just want to crash for one damn day... today... and I can't.
As for today...
I kind of just want to cry and hide. I'm okay for the most part. I think I'm handling it better than I thought I would.
I'm short-tempered and impatient.
I honestly think it's from having so much on my mind to think straight at the moment. I'm constantly having to get Aurora out of things. I've been typing this alone for an hour at least now.
I don't like how I feel.
Just keep thinking positive.
=)
I can do this.
Today I'm thinking about how long my dad was alive and how many "extra" years we got to spend with him.
The one Christmas Eve he almost died. His lips went blue. He ended up having a recall to Vietnam and other things but he came out of it all.
We got extra years, not months, with him. We didn't lose him that day.
Years.
Years of little blessings.
I'm glad for them.
I have to lose people at some point in time, but it's how we remember them and celebrate the memories we shared with them.
I plan on remembering as much as I can.
... And I have to quit faulting myself for not being able to remember some of the small things or even some of the big.
It's human nature. As time goes on, we forget what the voice of someone sounds like... until we hear someone talk who sounds similar and then the flood of memories and feelings come with it.
I plan on making my daddy proud.
I may not have been or be the best daughter in the world. I have flaws and faults... but I can do the best I personally can.
I'm dealing with my anxiety and issues.
Heck, that's why I'm getting us out of this apartment complex. We don't know whether we're coming or going here. The cost of living here for three months is extreme and so not worth the anxiety these people cause myself and even Brett and Aurora.
That woman, Kathy, still won't even speak to Aurora since we didn't lend them that money. Aurora has even said "I sorry, I'm sorry" trying to get her to speak on our way to my car to go to the store or the house.
I'm changing things as we go and making other things and situations work for us.
I can do this and I know it.
I have the support I need behind me.
18:07 Oct 12 2010
Times Read: 1,175
We're getting the fridge in a bit today. We have a working stove. We need to get a dryer yet...
I'm having Aurora help me scrub and dry the kitchen walls today so that we can put primer on them and possibly wash out the cabinets to get them ready.
OMG... I love the color for it that I got.
=)
I'm so excited!
Aurora's happy. She's made herself at home out there. She loves watching the butterflies and insects. I'm wondering what she's going to think when she sees deer in the front yard eating apples or cherries.
♥ Or our walks on a gravel road with little traffic... or us playing in the creek on warm days and watching the fish swim.
Oh, I'm loving this move.
We're going to have to do a lot of work to the house as we go and I'm not sure when I'll get the internet...
But it is well worth it in the end.
I'm going to be in a nature setting again.
Aurora's going to love it.
15:34 Oct 10 2010
Times Read: 1,177
Brett is at the house with my step-dad and they're knocking out two of the bathroom walls today and dealing with the wall behind the furance.
Yay?
I'm excited and all but damn it, I barely got homework finished up yesterday and have a ton to do today. I have almost no more dang boxes to pack. Brett didn't do any of the list of things I asked him to do yesterday. Aurora is in one of her moods this morning.
Ugh!
Looks like it's going to be one of those days.
I'm going to start some clothes, do some dishes, pick up the kitchen, pick up the living room and try to do some homework... all the while trying to entertain Aurora.
I'm tired of his routines, his procrastinating, and his forgetfulness. This morning it took me an hour and a half to get him up, moving, and somewhat coherent.
In my opinion, that's just uncalled for.
My patience with everything is wearing thin. My temper is showing some. Situations only seem to be getting somewhat worse. But my prospective is skewed because of the 13th and I know it.
So how can I make it through this week.
It's Sunday.
This week goes as...
Today = Brett at the house
Monday = He won't be home from class until 5.
Tuesday = Probably house
Wednesday = Day my dad died, at class until 5.
Thursday = House more than likely.
Friday = Same.
Saturday = Probably the same as the two above this.
So how in the heck am I supposed to do all of my homework when I have no real time with him home and Aurora preoccupied?
As for my schedule... I'm stuck cleaning, packing and taking care of Aurora every day while trying to get my homework done and finding time to study for my final in the one class.
I also fucked up my heelcord the other day. Well, Aurora kicked me in it as hard as she could because she was upset we were going to leave her tinkerbell chair at the house.
It's bad when I actually demand ice for my foot. I hate ice on sprains and crappers.
At least I did find time for a shower this morning before Aurora woke up. That makes me feel a little bit better.
I feel as though I'm going insane though.
I'm worried about the house being ready by the end of this month or mid-next month.
-We still need to get wood... a fridge... a stove.-
I'm worried about me being able to get this apartment packed up.
-Aurora keeps on unpacking as I pack.-
I'm worried about my homework getting completed.
-I'm late on at least 10 assignments at the moment. Sucks.-
I'm worried about finding time to study for my final next week.
-Aurora can't listen to me read out loud like previous classes because it's computer forensics and I don't care for her to be three years old and know the vocab or other terms.-
Brett getting his butt moving and help.
-I am worried he's going to zone while with my step-dad and one of them get hurt. And it's frustrating when he asks me for a list of things he can do to help me, I give him one, and he does nothing on it. Ugh! Don't have me write it then!-
Yes, I'm bitching. I really needed this rant. Badly.
And I miss my Frankie!
He didn't send out my letter to you, babe. If you read this, I'm getting it out tomorrow or Tuesday. Some day that I have some sanity. I have no stamps here.
=(
I didn't forget you though! ♥
02:33 Oct 08 2010
Times Read: 1,190
As that day approaches next week, things just seem to be getting better and worse at the same time.
On the 13th, my daddy will be gone for six years. Even though it has been six years, it's not getting an ounce easier on me.
I still feel guilty. I still can't cope.
I'm crying about every-dang-thing.
And why I'm going MIA is because of my depression and also we're moving.
We're getting into a house while the getting is good. I'm excited about it and things. We're going to be in the country where I grew up.
I'll be only a short walk from my old house so I'll be walking over to feed the kitties that are still there.
I'm oh so happy about having a wood furnance as our heat source. We're going to tear out two walls in the bathroom and redo them. We have to tear up the kitchen floor and put tile down. We have to find a stove and fridge for us to have. We have to clean it up and paint and whatnot. We're going to have to put plastic on the windows inside and out for this winter and replace them in the spring.
HOWEVER...
With the electric, rent, and things here where we're living, we're paying about $2,000 for three months of living here.
We're out.
No more dealing with inspections and shit. No more nosy neighbors. No more drama.
The pros outweigh the cons.
14:27 Oct 06 2010
Times Read: 1,198
I'm out and MIA for at least a month. I'll try to check my messages and stuff when I can.
Laters.
05:12 Oct 01 2010
Times Read: 1,203
I can't explain what is going on with me at the moment. I'm overwhelmed. Situations have come up and we're fighting them as always.
Even though the husband, George, said we passed the inspection... we got a letter through the mail from him saying we didn't because of a "cat" smell and clutter in the living room.
The "cat" smell was from the cleaning product I had to scrub the carpet with the night before that has ammonia in it.
... Aurora had smeared her pull up gel stuff in the living room carpet while I was sick in the bathroom and Brett was in the kitchen doing dishes. My mom and stepdad took her for about an hour because I had about 30 minutes to steam clean with the cleaner before it was 8 o'clock in the evening. It's against lease to use any of it after 8.
I'm pissed. Beyond pissed.
So between doing homework this weekend, I'm trying to unclutter the living room. Most of which are Aurora's toys! What the hell! He even said she had too many toys. How the fuck did he have any right to determine that?! She's two years old! She should have tons of toys!
I just "redid" Aurora's room. Her area rug and two other rugs are in there. I also cut up a book... one of her favorites, of course!... for pictures on her walls.
Ugh... I'm so irritated about the drama of this apartment complex.
I already warned Brett that when he inspects again... I'm asking him straight out if I'm getting on the lease and if I'm allowed my TWO cats.
I'm nerve-wrecked. I'm losing "it" insanely.
I have to admit. If he tells me no... I'm going to tell them straight forwardly I won't give up my cats. I won't live here. And if I don't live here, I'm taking my daughter with me and I'm sure as hell Brett will follow along with the fuckin' $375 we pay a month!
Screw it!
I can pick my battles and I refuse to be bullied to give up my two kitties. Mama and Shadow will be with me until they die. Not until then!
I'm tired of trying to help people who won't listen to the advice I give or even think through the damn situations they're in. So right now, I just can't deal with their shit and I'm out of it.
Last night something happened. I'm glad the entry I wrote didn't post because I was signed out. I don't want to remember it.
I can do this. I know it. I'm sure of it. But god, I know right now, I want to give up on it.
But I'm too stubborn.
COMMENTS
-
Darkwhispers
02:28 Oct 27 2010
-hugs you-
i'd help if i could. i'll take the pink eye from you.
DireConsequences
03:15 Oct 27 2010
Bitch, please! You need to get it to be miserable to. What did I do to deserve it?! Huh? Huh? Huh?
*poke poke*