DireConsequences's Journal
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2 entries this month
06:08 Dec 14 2008
Times Read: 788
Warning:
The Ratings I Give
Since most people find it alright to bitch about the ratings I give to them, I thought I would add this to my profile now. The ratings I give to anyone on Vampire Rave are fair. They are not based on who you are, whether you are a friend or admin, if you have a premium, or even if you are a new member or not! If you wish to know why I gave you a rating lower than a ten, then ask me and be nice about it. If you message me complaining, I will go to your profile and give you a ONE! I am tired of the bullcrap so stop it! This is not Vampire Freaks, stop caring so much about stupid ratings!
My house has a strict policy about rating, so I will not just give out tens. If you want a ten, earn it! Ask me what you can improve upon, instead of whining to me or whining about it. It's not that hard! So to those of you who come to my profile with the intention of giving me what I gave you (instead of asking me to rerate), you will get ignored when you do get the nerve to ask me for one.
I will go to your profile and see what I rated you and how long ago it was. If I think you rated me out of spite, I will just ignore you! This is the one and only warning you will get. Remember that!
Thank you for your time!
05:58 Dec 14 2008
Times Read: 790
Things from my profile coming off for now at least.
Important Note:
I am backed up on messages. I will get back to everyone with time. When I am online, I am lurking, for the most part. I have been working on some other ideas for my own little project on Vampire Rave. Thank you for trying to understand and sorry!
My Daddy and Some About My Relationship I had With Him
The picture above is of my father and me at my birthday party when I was six I do believe. My daddy was the only one in my family that I could really talk to and get along with. I didn't need to explain myself to him. He passed away on October 13, 2004. He gave up on life because he suffered too much pain and was tired. I loved him more than he probably knew and I know I don't even know the full extent of his love for me. He became sick and was disabled right before I was born and at an early age I had to face the fact I might lose him and those about life and death. I remember giving him his shot and pills and also memories of a Christmas day 11 years ago when we almost did lose him. His lips started turning blue and he was not getting oxygen. I miss him more then anything but I am happy for him because he can now enjoy a long and well-deserved rest.
Today, November 18, 2005, I got my yearbook from last year and I found a surprise that actually made me happy for once in my life. I found a letter where my daddy, who passed away on October 13, 2004, told my mother what to put in the yearbook as a letter to me and well it made me cry because I always thought that my daddy held my sister as his favorite in his eyes. I guess I was wrong, because I thought that my mother just wrote it making up things but I know I saw him write something out and wanted to know what it was but all he would tell me is it was for the yearbook. Now I feel guilty as hell for putting him through everything that I did but I still don't understand how my mother and my daddy could have not stop everything when I first asked for help.
This was written by me tonight, January 14, 2006, it is just a brainstorm that came as I was thinking about some things. I am sorry about spelling and grammar errors. I will proof read it later on.
I remember my daddy’s hands as always being there for me
He would show me the difference in all of things
He would always be there for me when I returned home
I loved him and I have nothing left
I try to remember the good times
But all I can remember are the sad
I miss him more with every day that passes by
Isn’t this pain supposed to get better
Not worse as it has with mine
I want to see him once more
I wanted that promise to be held up
I held up my end
But where was his word
Where was his heart
It was in his own way with me
He knew the pain it would cause and where it would begin
What would happen if I walked into his room and found him dead
I know where he came from but does he know where it ends
I cant look at myself without thinking i let him die
I walked out that morning with no looking back
I wish now I didn’t
I wish I had stayed home
So I could have been here
but what I could have done, I don’t know
The are few things that could have been done
He wasn’t alone
His companion was with him
She will leave me too
I know this to be true
I know it will come
I don’t know what I will then
If I wake up with her dead
Not breathing on my legs
I wish I could bury along side my daddy when she dies
She belongs to him, not to me
I love her with all of heart but I know she is not mine
I know this to be true
She wanted him back and still does along with many
She cries with me at night
Thinking she could have done more
Her kisses didn’t work
They were not magical enough
Not for the world
He just gave up
There is another writing or rambling about my daddy in my journal. It is more of a rambling because I was getting some things off of my chest, started even talking about that morning which I have never done. Please forgive me if it is one-sided and things but it is trying to come to terms with the things that happened that morning and day.
Reading Eyes
Not many people read others eyes either because they do not have the ability or do not want to take the time to do so. I have only met one person who told me what was in mine. He saw more in them then anyone else and he scared me by having that ability. It scared me only because he said things about me that I had not even admitted to myself and I do believe whole-heartedly that my maturity level has grown greatly because of him. Also only one other person has been able to understand me. He and I used to be close and he suspected what was behind my actions by looking in my eyes. He supported me through the hard times and for that I will always love him. To both of these guys I say thank you.
So can you see what is held within my eyes?
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Why look at everything in black and white?
It looks so much better with the colors of the rainbow added to it all!
**Yes they are both pictures of me, weird things happen when I suffer from boredom and my cam works.**
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COMMENTS
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Xzavier
19:49 Dec 14 2008
Amen sista!