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Now and then in our lives we tend to run across people that lead us on a journey of sorts. I in recent years have stumbled about thru my life wondering how and when it will ever change for the crap that it is, to something i can actually stand to live through.



About a year ago I had met someone, at a friends house. It was a party lots of people, and since I'm not the social lite type of person I tend to just hang about and people watch. Anyway I'm digressing a bit here. The point is at this time I met the person that was going take me on this whirl wind journey thru my life.



Back in March I bumped into this person, we talked and exchange numbers once again. Not thinking that this was going anywhere ,like the last exchange did. But sure enough we talked, and it was easy conversation , no awkward moments of silence, just constant bantering about all sorts of things. I laid it out on the table with this person, which at this point I hadn't done with anyone. Friendship lead to new levels of intimacy which is so not my strong point because of my control issues. To move this forward a bit, this person and I are of the same lifestyles, pagan, bdsm, open relationships, swinging, ect.. Our friendship has been pretty tight, but always agreed on our sex being a non committed thing. So friendship went form, great play partner, to great sex, to still great friend.



Thru knowing this person I have slowly opened parts of myself up that i haven't shared with people in years. Breaking down the brick walls that i put arouned my intermost self. Of course this just made this whole walk down enlightenment street a whole lot more overwhelming at the time.



After going thru this with this person it is hard not to be so attached to them, but I'm not, not in the love sense anyway. Knowing that i have a friend for life, who has no clue they helped me thru some of the hardest things i have ever been thru.. its just priceless. For that i am truely grateful.



Any way i have so lost where i was going with this, my kids woke up , and i lost train of thought maybe i will come back and edit this when i re find my groove

iok im gonna spout some great phylisophical outlook on me .



In the past relationships i have always held back a part of myself, obious at it was to everyone around me they always accepted it.. i always chose people to be with that were sub standard, because one i thought i didnt deserve someone good and decent would would rock my socks off, or that i wasnt good enough to deserve that.. so i was afraid that if i found someone like that i would be sub standard to them , and i couldnt handle that rejection, because it has happened once in my past and it hurt so bad i shelled my real self up for almost 20 yrs





Ugh now that is out and ive had a chance to digest it... wonder what i will do with it , lmao