But im not.
*sighs* Dammit.
The feeling of wanting to be somewhere else, with somebody. One somebody. Especially when you know you cant. It is one of the deepest aches to feel...
So, for tonight it is:
Desires
Needs
Patience
Calming
Sleep
Dream (or something close)
Thats what has me awake. This afternoon was just weird. I watched a massive car accident unfold at the end of my street. One that sent two fire trucks and three ambulances. About three hours later breaking news that aqua dulce is on fire...actually it was sometime around three pm that we were informed it was three different fires. By seven in the evening you could see the smoke come in heavier and heavier, finally blocking out a blood red moon by nine and it's been raining ash so much that it looks like it snowing. A thin layer of grey covering everything outside. Sirens going off every twenty mins. Choppers vibrating the house every hour it seems...
It's also still at 0% contained at midnight. Our winds in the antelope valley have picked up again to about 25-30mph. More triple digit heat tomorrow with more winds to carry it.
It's fucking eerie out there. All the windows are closed. We are using our fans....
They have already made three evacuation camps. We've seen fires get close here, but never this close. Im going to get some sleep and try to relax eventhough the smoke out there has already caused , burning eyes and sore throat...and there goes another chopper.
I was emailed this at yahoo...
Whatever, though. I guess I don't need that either.
I want to laugh. I want to play. and sleep soundly after. So, for tonight...
uncomfortable
Pissy
Annoyed
Angry
Let down
Anxious
God, I just want to sleep........thats all.
COMMENTS
That was so me a few days ago. I have tons of things I need to do art wise , I just can't seem to get the disapline to get going.
*sighs* what the fuck? is this EVER gonna stop?!
Sleep.
Silence, darkness and nothing else...
Lost
Transparent
Tired
Cold.
COMMENTS
LOTS of people care.
You're not lost; you're found. I found you. (Unfortunately, I'm lost)
I noticed you. I see you. I look for you.
Rest your head on my shoulder.
*hug*
I care.
You find me after almost three years of us not talking and we become (what I belived to be) good friends again. I tell you that I rarely go on chat sites anymore and so, you come on over to VR after finding out just how much I DO NOT go to chat sites. Everything seems cool and then suddenly one day I see that you have blocked me with absolutley no reason whatsoever. I even poke fun of that in an entry and tell you playful shit in that entry (just like old times). So it is with great confusion and sadness that you made my journal once again. This time it's a serious entry here Jono. What the fuck is going on with you anyways? I have been wondering why I got so excited to have you back as my friend and im sorry you had to read this here, but you really pissed me off (not to mention you STILL have me on block and yet keep coming back to read my journal). It's not a funny ha-ha pissed off, dude, this is serious. For the first time since we met, you have royally pissed me off Jono. I left that entry and you replied to it with a little 'oops, my bad' type of response, go to my profile and cant even take me off block. Why the hell did you even set up a premium membership if all you were gonna do was this? Years, Jon. Years went by and after all those years apart without your friendship, missing the hell out of you and then getting all happy you were back........that was just flat out cold! Yes, I am pissed off with you. I blocked you until you can yank your head out of your ass and tell me what the fuck is wrong with you already. You constantly hint at how you're always blazing up or drinking. You want that to be priority, so be it but im done and im tired of you only remembering me when you aren't wrecked or something. I mean seriously, we BOTH KNOW FULL WELL that you can be a better friend to me than THAT. So, Im sorry you had to see this here but im angry and you just keep on reading and replying to my entries. I decided it's best NOT to let you have the option to reply to anything of mine until I get an answer from you. You have one way to reach me now. Email, as if that wasn't impersonal enough. If you choose to contact me, please say something more than three fucking words and get real with me........otherwise, you can just consider this goodbye for good. I never EVER thought I'd see the day (or night) that you would upset me like this or upset me at all...but you finally did it. Well done.
Like I said...better make it count because this is serious and im hurt.
COMMENTS
he sounds like a asshole if you ask me
ya still have your're ole buddy ayw though *hugs*
Healing and yet always getting injured within. It's the type of hurt that zaps the light right out of my eyes. The type of hurt that leaves a permanent frown on my face with a sort of vaccant stare.
It's unfair. It truly sucks and came from a place that I least expected it to come from too. *sighs*
I don't know what else to say. I just feel as if somebody reached into my chest and took the last bit of this useless organ inside my chest (aka my heart). What the fuck...? Why? I wish somebody could explain this to me. I guess I am truly useless afterall. Why the fuck am I still here? :(
COMMENTS
You can have a piece of mine in exchange for a single kiss any day.
Cheer up im still trying to find my lifes meaning so far ive searched under the chair, inside a joint, inside a bottle of whiskey, but no luck.... if you find it let me know.
Hugz! X x X
Sorry to hear about this. Di. I wish you well.
Yup. Need the ass up in the air like kitten with a firm hand coming down right on it. Followed by harder smacks. Those breathy moans that sound like i am in pain but im just gettin started.
Rug burns on the knees with a couple other unexplainable marks on my shoulders and chest...*sighs*
So....................How bout them Dallas Cheerleader's, huh?
COMMENTS
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