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Today a justice shal be righted and my honor shal, in a way be repaired.

One who has hurt me deeper then any visible scar ever could will be punished, yet i do not feel righted myself.



For reasons unknown to me, i do not wish him pain or ill will, i fought to keep him safe when all he has ever cause me is pain.



I forfit his name last night and still i think about him, i sit here and ponder how i could have handled things differently but nothing comes up in my head. I am unsure if i vaule myself enough to have another hurt just for doing wrong by me, and that in itself is curios to me. I dont understand my thoughts or why i care if this man comes to harm. My emitonal scars run deep from him and yet i wish no ill intent to him, i wish no pain to come to him when im told i should be angry with him no anger comes



I try and feel angry and i try and let others help me but as hard as My Lord and my kittie try to save me from my self, i am a brocken thing and i do not think anyone can help me.



So here i sit in deep thought wondering if i will ever heal, if i even know how to hea.l Pain has maifested itself into my life so frequently im unsure how i would deal without it now.



Im drowning in a sea of sealf loathing at my weaknesses and just when i think i shal reach my lifesaver, im sucked down again my pale hands reaching out for something, for anything but when i feel fingers in my trying in vein to grasp me and pull me back to saftly, i shrink back from it and allow myself to drown in my own pain.