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7 entries this month
RATE23:26 Mar 31 2009
Times Read: 700
Do not come around whining about your rates. It is so sad it brings tears to my poor eyes. Do you HONESTLY care what some stranger rated your profile? Do you generally submit a copy of your profile along with taxes, loan applications, etc. and I am hurting your credit?
Let's walk through logic:
I never rate high for someone who just give a physical description and nothing more
I never rate high for idiotic one-liners
Bad attitudes earn bad rates
Inability to grasp English will get you nowhere fast...
Those here hoping for me to believe they're a mystical creature will get laughed at and then rated low -- possibly make my journal
Forcing me to listen to your music when I don't wanna will not expose me to Stockholm Syndrome. It's annoying, and I might rate accordingly
Finally, I PAID FOR MY ACCOUNT. Even if I didn't, I would still have the right to rate according to my opinion. Just because you came up with an account does not entitle you to 10's. Get over yourself. For the love of all that is tangible and not digital, get over it!!
CD has balls!21:06 Mar 30 2009
Times Read: 717
Well, just got right on up and walked out the office. Said I had to get out of there and I would see them tomorrow. Yep, just couldn't take it anymore and left. Granted, It was 3:15 and we leave 4:30, plus I skipped lunch (and came in fifteen minutes early) -- so if anyone wants to turn traitor they are more than welcome.
Things are really not getting easier/better. They are getting dire. I hung out with my best friend from childhood and had her piss herself with laughter as I caught her up on life's events. Not that she was laughing at the situation, just the way I tend to communicate. It felt good. Not good enough, though. I still want to jump off the face of the earth.
I don't even care how pathetic I sound. Not because I'm Miss Mopey, but simply because I find that I am so removed from feeling anything anymore that it is harder to survive than live. Now, doing that when you don't have a sickness??? Speaking as someone who has now been on both sides of the fence -- it's harder when you're well and your world is gone than being ill and you're world is upside-down.
Why? Because, when you're not sick there is never hope to be had for a cure.
Today.17:14 Mar 29 2009
Times Read: 733
It's that annoying misty rain today. Makes ya feel like crawling in bed with comfort food and watch mind-numbing television. No can do for me! I have to ( yeah, commanded, even!) go to a barbecue being held by my sisters father-in-law.
Good? Yeah, it will get me out of this fucking tomb and I will get to play with Stoney. Plus, I do tend to let go (even if for only a few moments at a time) of thinking non-stop about how much it hurts.
Bad? Yup. My sister just announced she is having another baby. I'm thrilled, no doubt -- but in the face of everything I am living through, I just feel like my life is so deep in the toilet, there is not a plumber alive who could help. That, and now that everyone is pretty much aware of the split, I don;t want the pitiful looks, the random hugs or any of that shit. The worst part of my life is that no matter what, I have to always wear a mask of some sort except when I am all alone.
Right now, I'm just a living sack of meat. Dumb, numb and banging her head against the wall.
Just put me out of my misery.
Fuck a duck. Use a condom.17:52 Mar 28 2009
Times Read: 746
Well, can't get much worse. Chris came and went today; moving out mostly his mountain biking stuff and then will return this evening for some more clothes. This is like a long drawn out death rattle. 'cept, I refuse to let it die. I'm lost. I'm numb. I'm angry...
Keeping the townhouse until end of May -- whether or not I will actually be inside said home is another story. Too many memories. Never thought I'd be one to think this way, but things working out totally dictates my survival. Not because I can't do it alone. Simply because I wouldn't want to. The next person who tells me it gets easier I plan on shoving a salted chopstick up their anus. The only thing that gets easier is breathing, getting out of bed, going to work and coming home. Right now, I dread coming to my my empty home.
Part of me can't help but think of extremely rash and stupid things to do. The other? Well, she just quietly prays every second of every day.
Home. Alone.23:46 Mar 27 2009
Times Read: 758
Home alone on a Friday. Nothing to look forward to but the idiocy that holds hands with Mondays. That, and more of me taking memories and trashing them. I'm trying to salvage as much as possible. I now a reconciliation will happen -- but at what cost?? This is fantastically depressing and while I'm proud and shocked I am not feeding into some downward spiral of poo, I am still in desperate need of distraction. I've no clue what to do with myself. I don't cry anymore and I don't obsess over "what now?!"
By now, I would probably being playing some horrible mind-game to keep me occupied. Thing is, I am past all of that. I'm even past VR. It's the same old here. Drama. Newbies who come off too pompous or thoroughly deluded -- weird politics from the "ancients" that throw the community off its axis every so often. *shrug* I'm paying for this? lol?!
If this is apathy, I'm rather talented. If this is just a momentary lapse, then... hell, I don't know. In fact, I am going to attempt to drink tonight (I am not a drinker as my sister will laughingly tell you)
I need to do something!!
ARGH AND HARUMPH!! Ooo, maybe I will watch Blazing Saddles... and then Twilight for the five thousandth time. No, it's not Edward I obsess over -- it's love. Ah, addictions suck.
More random blahdomness... (sorry)00:56 Mar 27 2009
Times Read: 774
So, yeah, I am the saddest fuck of an excuse for a human at present. I'm all whimpering and self-loathing -- oh, and totally enabling myself to be such a sad sack. My new username will be the Pansy-Ass Wallower
(Total Pussy was already taken)
So, here ya goes! More boo-hoo from the CryingDutchess *queue eye roll, please*
I'm going through all the crap in the townhouse. It's rough throwing all this crap away. Even my stupid Homer Simpson pint glasses. SAD! The fact that the two of us are communicating mostly via text (fuck you in the ass technology!!!) has made the whole process feel sterile and irreconcilable because there is no way to really "read" into anything.
Still, I stand by the belief that with all that has gone on in the past, some time and space was inevitable. When you go through enough with someone, they become part of you no matter what. It's a damned shame it took me a moment to mature. I always said I suffered from Peter Pan syndrome. Now, I'm just paying up. I just happen to believe without a doubt that in the end, all will be as it should.
In the mean time? Damn, is my heart crushing into a raisin...
Jaded City22:21 Mar 24 2009
Times Read: 786
Some of you came out of the closet when you saw Bella Legosi. Some, fell for Vincent Price or Keifer Sutherland... and with the Twilight series, more of you are coming out of your little horror-closets and good for you!
So, here's my confession. I had crushes on all of Anne Rice's characters, never got hot and bothered about any vamp movie until the Blade series and Twilight. Yeah, I became a Cullen 'ho. What of it?
The joke of the matter is, I think I came out my "closet" during the Harry Potter series. I read the first book in a a couple of hours while waiting for my mom to have surgery in the hospital. After that, I was determined to uncover the blinds of the Muggle and go be buddies with Dumbledore or something.
What's my point? Nothing. It's all fantasy. It all runs out of ink in the end and that's that. Even when you try to add chapters to a story already told, it always comes off as an echoing hallway that's trying to imitate activity. It's sad. It's my whole life in a nutshell. Out of ink.
I've never had my pages finally run dry.
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COMMENTS
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DarkWolfman
23:29 Mar 31 2009
You didn't rate me for my sexiness damn it
ha ha ha
LadyxDarkxRayne
00:15 Apr 01 2009
get em sis get em ! sings the fight song
were not gonna take no we are not going to take we are not going to take your whining anymore muahahah