CrimsonBelladonna's Journal
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15 entries this month
Waiting for your call...<3
23:57 Mar 31 2011
Times Read: 497
I miss him more than anything right now. I just wish it was us against the world. not us against each other. When i met him i knew he was the one i would give my heart to. He is and always will be the guy I want to grow old with. I want his hand back in mine, I know I have fucked up but I would fix the mistakes I made. I know we are better than this. I know what my heart wants and I will hold on to it dearly. I knew when I was with him that I would want noone but him. And that is the way I feel now, Being apart does not and will not change that. I just wish he knew what this is doing to me. I feel like there is a hole missing. When I walked out of the house in BG, i left my heart, even tho it was broken, and the pieces with him. I refuse to erase what we had, I refuse to forget all we worked for to be together. I sit here and read all of our emails, past to recent. I have never cried so hard in my life. Everything he ever wrote me, all the poems and the song he wrote, is still saved on my computer. They will never be erased. When we got together I was so scared of being hurt. I was terrified to give my heart so someone, with my other Xs i never told them i loved them, it never got like that with me. I never gave my heart away in a box like i did with HIM. I dont want this anymore. He is and always will be my best friend but I will always love him and wish to be with him. It hurts to look through all my things, there is always a little piece of him in the boxes...I just wish he knew.
Everything turned to shit!!!!!!
17:59 Mar 31 2011
Times Read: 501
Welcome to the end
Of everything that haunts me
Somehow I pretend
All was meant to be
I am not the saint here
Never the good son
Hell has taken over and I know
When I say “Go”, runaway, runaway
Where do I belong?
So sick of being shadows
Scared to walk alone
Now it’s time to roam
I have always wanted
All that I could own
My wish was never granted till now
When I say go, runaway, runaway *Hail the Villian*
I cant believe I am feeling this horrible. On the way home from Gothnight, I sat and pondered about my situation and the things that were said to me hours before my drive. I felt my body go numb for a little bit, i feel like my emotions drained from me. I dont know what to feel...i dont know how to feel. I cant believe he did this to me...
Your magic white rabbit
Has left it's writing on the wall
We follow like Alice
And just keep diving down the hole
You can't face your broken promise
Our ties have come undone
I will not be used to be battered and abused
It's the reason why I choose to cut my losses
Your lies fool no one
Your magic white rabbit
Your white room straight jacket
Your magic white rabbit
Has left it's writing on the wall
We follow like Alice
And just keep diving down the hole
We're falling and we're losing control
Your pulling us and dragging us down this dead end road
We follow like Alice
And just keep diving down the hole
You can't offer your poison to me
In your kingdom of filth
White Rabbit
Straight jacket
Your magic white rabbit
Has left it's writing on the wall
We follow like Alice
And just keep diving down the hole
We're falling and we're losing control
Your pulling us and dragging us down this dead end road
We follow like Alice
And just keep diving down the hole
I won't be pushed aside
I will be heard
I will get what I want
What I deserve
I won't be pushed aside
I will be heard
I will get what I want
What I deserve
We're falling and we're losing control
Your pulling us and dragging us down this dead end road
Your magic white rabbit
Has left it's writing on the wall
We follow like Alice
And just keep diving down the hole
We're falling and we're losing control
Your pulling us and dragging us down this dead end road
We follow like Alice
And just keep diving down the hole
Your magic white rabbit
Has left it's writing on the wall
We follow like Alice
And just keep diving down the hole
Diving down the hole *Egypt Central*
PRIVATE ENTRY
07:06 Mar 30 2011
Times Read: 504
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
So07:04 Mar 30 2011
Times Read: 505
i got my mark back!
PRIVATE ENTRY
01:25 Mar 26 2011
Times Read: 513
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
New Name02:20 Mar 22 2011
Times Read: 516
My Original name is Khaotik
I changed it to BeautifulDecay
Damn18:07 Mar 16 2011
Times Read: 524
Tonight is St. Pattys day at iNation...AND my car took a shit...how awesome is that?
Tired04:28 Mar 13 2011
Times Read: 533
This weekend has been so slow...i need to stop watching anime and LMN (lol) So, i hope this week goes by fast so i can get to see jaymes. After all this stupid shit over the week, i better get a fucking break.
Some of my tattoo stuff was stole, a gun, power supply and my ONLY peddle! great..awesome...around...hmm about 700 dollars, stolen...i hate stupid people.
Help?03:14 Mar 11 2011
Times Read: 545
So i am a little confused about the marks?
bored...02:34 Mar 11 2011
Times Read: 546
downloading ringtones...working on Atreyu right now...mmmm
My week so far22:57 Mar 10 2011
Times Read: 548
I just got back about...an hour ago...from seeing Jaymes. This week has been so...confusing. Its been stressful for both myself and my hubby...its so hard being far away from each other. I really miss him...i wish i had my friends around like i use to. Now i dont do anything...i get so bored its annoying. OH...a friend of mine made me chainmail hairpins....so awesome...cant wait to get them put in my hair!
Jay and his rents are fighting...again...i wish they didnt...but nothing i can do about it. Well...back to SVU...tah tah for now!
O.o22:27 Mar 09 2011
Times Read: 550
jaymes...is...being...crazzy! lol oh my damn xbox!
its very funny...him throwing himself around all crazy like...im bored and its entertaining...i need to get a life..(lol) OH gothnight tonight??? hell yeah!!!
Khaotik
i loveded you piggy...
21:15 Mar 05 2011
Times Read: 560
Goonies never say die!
20:35 Mar 05 2011
Times Read: 563
I really miss Jaymes...
...ok...15:17 Mar 03 2011
Times Read: 568
So we were suppose to move up to michigan but i guess its going to be somewhere in ohio...to stay close to allie sixx since she is moving out soon. Which is awesome, i love that girl like she is my own sister...wait she basically is. LOL...i have been so sick lately and i dont know why, everything seems to be going wrong...i want my friends around...to help me...to guide me in someway. I hate life right now...plus my doctor put me on a new med to help me from freaking out all the time. and to top everything off....i hurt my knucklezz and now there is a hole in the hall...great. Its so hard to be online with no internet, i have to visit my fam to be able to get on and that isnt much. i miss having someone to hang with...i have jaymes but i need girl time once in awhile LOL...well...my seditive is kicking in and i can barely feel my fingers...maybe i should lay down?
not until i smoke a cigarette....haha!
*Khaotik~
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