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That I have the honour of working. After my cold this past Monday, I was hoping that I could get "caught up" with the end of the quarter paperwork. But that has not happened.



And my taxes don't seem to want to do themselves either. Darn them! I will have to complain to somone that can light a fire, to get them hopping.



One day. I am amazed at the difference of one day. It's power is something I do not think about often. Look at the 12 hours and what happened with VR in them. Not a warm fuzzy feeling. Then look at the days were we can wander in the woods and explore our world- beautiful. Each one is a little different, and each one is just as powerful.



I am thankful for the one day, most important the one that stands before me.



Have fun ya'll I'll be on when I can.

I know many people don't think twice about getting run down and sick. But the hard truth of my situation is I simply can't afford it. It's not as easy as "oh, just take a day without pay"... often times if I'm sick a while it means more than that. I loose not only my income with clients- but I loose office work and potential clients. My schedule of meetings, paperwork and appointments all have to be shifted, and free time typically is lost to compensate for the illness. The truth of the matter is, unless someone is a referal- if I don't respond or call back within 24 hours I will not hear from them again.



Then there is an issue with my lack of insurance. I have not had any since 2003 when I stopped working in the hospital. I find it silly that someone such as myself, that rarely goes into the Dr's office for anything other than preventaive yearly exams should have to pay $350-450 month for good health care coverage. Shitty coverage that is only for catastrophic events was $250 month- talk about fleecing America. So I use Chinese herbs and keep my activities low when I'm starting to get ill, that way I typically prevent myself from crossing into "sick". Still it doesn't change my personal feelings of laziness. I do not like doing nothing, unless I've done something. Nor do I like doing something only partially. Meh. Now I'm rambling. Typcial really, considering my head feels like there is a faucet that is leaking, and well I know I have to be well by tomorrow.



At least it lets me get caught up with my movies. *sigh*

YAY coffee tastes normal :D



This is an excellent sign! Woo-hooo!

I flipping hate getting sick.



1. because typcially I will need to over extend- something always happens.



2. because when the above happens, the nice things I wanted to do, can't get done.



3. because I have to turn clients away.



Grrrr. Hopefully with today doing nothing, I will be better tomorrow. Why it is, that when you get a cold you're eyeballs feel like burning grapes? Meh :P

I used to want to be like you, aloof and creative. At some point there was the thought of "only if..."



Seeing the fragile humanity you hold, now I resent you. For the false hope and dreams you allowed me to hold. The thoughts of, "maybe they will talk to me, grace me with their presence."



Now it is just the view of another flawed individual trying to convince others that their flaws are better. Thank you I will keep my own, for they are ones I am honing to become more than the haggard shell before you.



Where you choose Oedipal reasons for self justification, I have chosen exile to cope with the fact that no matter how much I see: I know I am blind.

So I met someone today that I felt open enough to share some of my experiences here on VR with. The interesting thing is; they are a professor here at the university.



When asked about giving references, guess what they do?



They look at the student's facebook/myspace pages for:



Drunken Bliss or rude photos

Rants about said professor

Other unprofessional behavior



Any of the three present = no recommendation.



So when you think that your web site and how you set it up can't hurt you in real time, wake up- it's not just kids that use the internet; it is employers as well.

Although something tells me she will more than happy to talk to you too ;D

If you are not one, you will probably not get what I'm about to say, or you will not think I know what I'm talking about.



But the thing about healers is we CARE. With all our being. We try to heal and mend wounds. We long to connect, and we long to be understood.



HOWEVER



We cannot be understood by those that are not the same as us. Because when we make mistakes, it has an effect on more than just us. It affects all of those around us. When we jump in and try to heal without remembering the patient - we can do harm.



Good intentions are not enough.



And it kills us when it goes wrong: To our very core. And when we meddle we do great harm, sometimes more than we can imagine.



What I see here is a tale of two healers. Both well meaning to their core- but both not having their side fully understood because neither is in a place to see the whole picture.



Because not one of us is able to see outside where we have vested interest, even a healer has wants and desires. This is where we often hurt others. Trying to find what we want, and because we do have more ability in certain aspects, there is a trust we gain. It is growth and old hat to some, and stumbling to find sure footing to others. Which is which? They are both the same.



They are each other, and due to circumstance they will never see that, nor understand.



Some issues are best left alone with those that choose to interact and left at just that. Because otherwise misunderstandings based off of singular perceptions will continue what no one wants.



However letting it be will allow for time to do it's miracle of clarity and healing. Time: something the greatest healer will tell you is sometimes needed more than an individual’s care.



Healer, heal thyself.

It is amazing how much this is true. My deepest thanks to those that sent me all the positive energy. Today was in a word amazing.



Tomorrow I'm sure will be the same. Honestly I don't know what to say because the energy of the day has me quite overwhelmed.



Namaste

I speak tomorrow at the women's show. Last year over 7,000 women attended just the first day. Lucky for me I have the "demo" stage- so I will max out at about 30 people with my talk.... wish me luck! As you can imagine- I will be busy until Monday ;)

It's a secret! Shhhh don't tell.



This is very important, you won't believe it...



I can't believe I'm telling you this.



It's not what you think.





Which of these statements have you heard? How many times have we all said them? It's all about perception.



Sure numbers can tell the "whole" story. As in, when I'm here I try to do a little, but right now I have a priority... my life. I will not complain about it, because I am happy to be where I am. Things keep looking better. When did you take the time to smell the roses? Last I heard you thought they just had thorns.



Well if you focus on the bad things, then you simply don't have time to see the good. My thoughts are I will live today in a NICE way.



Now- I will live in the now, and not worry about what is or was.



Invest- I will invest in myself, in what ever way that is required.



Compassion- I will have compassion for myself and others.



Empowered- I empower myself and others by living for my greater good.



Here's the real secret: Use it or loose it. Live doing the do's and you won't have time for the don'ts. An apple a day keeps the Dr away.

Those of you that know me, know first off- I do not consider myself goth. Why? Because I am a professional. It is just that simple. However, that does not mean that I do not like the styles that often are considered "goth" by the mainstream public.



This is key for my rant.



I have for over 15 years worked in professional enviroments that have not allowed "un-natural" hair colors. It has been in the dress code. Typically I am pushing it with my eyebrow ring.



Now since I've dyed my hair black with white highlights, I am excited as I CAN have fun and funky colours, for the first time since HIGH SCHOOL. Cripes, I was just finishing High School when most VR users were born =/



However that is not my kill joy. My kill joy is in my friends.



See to them, this is old hat- been there done that. Because they have jobs that allow them to colour their hair, any colour they choose. For me, this is novel- I have not been allowed to in the past 18 years.



How do I know?



I was trying to explain the humour in that my friend Michelle took me to her hair dresser who was the one that said, "let's go dark". Well I've gone lighter, but never black. Now I have, and it is an improvement for me. It expresses better what I want style wise, while still allowing me fun *in highlights* and potentially unusual colours all the while maintaining a finished professional look.



Yes it is important. Don't believe me? Try being self employed in a service industry. Your look will scare people off, if a level of professionalism is not maintained. Will people tell you this? No, they simply will not return.



I do not hang out in clubs, nor do the university students I see (hello- ROWING TEAM! Traditionally very conservative) have the same ideas of style. So I don't know what is "in" or being done. I simply got something I liked.



My point? Be happy with your friends, you never know what they've been dealing with and what little thing might make them very happy. To just be like oh that's nice, really fucking kills enthusiasm. Don't think that's something that is easy- it has to be worked on and encouraged when it happens... otherwise life itself is far too "been there done that". *sigh*

And today is a stellar reason of why.



The air is crisp and the sun is bright. We had over a foot of snow yesterday, still the beauty of the cool will soon be replaced. When we go into spring and then summer we will have the heat. Sometimes with great humidity, others with just the warmth that goes through you.



I like that we have all the seasons. After living in a place that was nice, but typically grey and wet for 30 years- seasons are something that remind me of my childhood.



"Mom, is it going to snow", "Can I go sledding?", "If it gets hot enough can we.."



All were things that made me excited when I was young. Even though Seattle does not get many extremes. Although the past 10 years, the summers were getting much warmer than they had been in my youth.



Little things, like a walk on a bright sunny day just make me happy through and through.

There is a saying that really touched me when I was a child.



If you spend your time trying to do the "dos" in life you won't have time for the "don'ts".



Hate is one of those don'ts that can be avoided with a little love and a touch of compassion. Yet when asked for, people seem unable to give it.



Matthew 22:36-40 makes it very clear.



And for those that still don't understand 1 Corinthians 13...



It should be so easy.

This should have everyone upset. This is pure drivel that is destroying us. Life is about people, not us Vs. them. It is a we thing.



Be ready for the most ass backwards thoughts in the 21st century.



I heard that, and I am saddened and ashamed that someone in todays world would be this hateful.

I now know how long I can go without getting acupuncture treatments and have my body fall apart. 2 years.



*sigh*



Do not let yourself fall apart. Well I guess it's time to find someone I will trust here. See the thing is in Ontario, the regulations they have are really not very good. You have people that have no training from before, working with those that have 300 hrs to those such as myself that have recorded over 1700+ hrs of training.



Personally knowing how they are trained here, I am not impressed. Not by the information they are taught, but their clinical experience is not at all what mine was. I can honestly say my rudely expensive student loans are worth every cent and in the long run have given me experience that most will not have or get. Still that does not change my need of treatment, and I do work with 2 people that can, the hard part there is trust- because frankly they are both TCM *traditional Chinese med* and I prefer Japanese or treatments that are infused with that style. *pout*



Rambling, I know... but you would too if it was 3:55am and your liver channel was getting excess and you were a stagnant person. BAH. Practise what you preach comes to mind... and I want to go on a rampage just because I'm not sleeping. Don't worry once I cool off I'll sleep just fine but be resentful of the 30 min I spent cooling off and letting the dogs go potty.

Started out by sleeping in *bad thing, I was supposed to coach rowing*



Did my mom and stroller class on black ice O.o

It rained all day yesterday, and then froze over night... we went slow- but I still managed a killer leg work out :D



Came home, inhaled food. FINALLY caught up with Heidi *yay* and started working on web pages.



Databases, and then showered because I had a client this afternoon. Client canceled due to storm that had already hit outside of the city. So I straightened my hair and went back to cleaning my work station *aka the dinning room table*



I found out I was accepted as a speaker this year at the Women's Lifestyle Show *woot* talked with several friends in Seattle *yay* and am still dealing with crappy ass web stuff.



Ok not really crappy ass, but you know I just want to finish. REALLY want to finish... each day a little more- but *sigh* patience... I do not have much of it. Still things are getting better and better :D



I just want more time to play and do my "fun" things. Because while they are not top priority *yes I like eating, sorry about that folks* they are still things I WANT.



I just need a clone. Or a maid...