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You know, I read your journal and smile.



A part of me wishes that I were able to visit far more than I do. Yet isn't that how life is sometimes? Still I do not take you for granted, instead I rejoice in seeing the changes and the growth.



I may not say a lot, but often you cross my mind. It's a good thing to have people you love and love you back, and even more so knowing they are there without a word spoken.



But I just did. Oh well, ;)

So I've started the horrid bit of clearing out my email box.



o.O



between all my email accounts, this will take a few weeks. So I'm sitting down and going through 5 min each day until I've gone through them all.



Lord.



Oh and I ended up painting the hallway, so one thing done before the move. Now to watching TV and folding laundry...

Ok seriously? The spam that we are getting on our web site is hilarious.



"I no good with poker. but your tips make me better and help it not hurt with money so much"



*dies*

So I sat with the final order written out, but waited to hit send. It's been a long journey since Jan, and then March when we really started working on this event.



From the get go:

We developed a web site

Designed logos

Gathered 1,800 in sponsorship

Organized and funded the purchase of 3,200 of merchandise

Gotten more word out about this charity that supports the patients

Had the charity change their wording so that other people might benefit as Garry did

Made connections with business' for next year



And we haven't even ridden yet. There is so much more that needs to be done for this year. Some big pieces still have to "fall" into place. But over all, I'm pleased with what has been accomplished.



My vent: Right now I have a committee of people who have all gotten "too busy" in the past month to give me any help. I've had to pull people out of the woodwork to actually keep my head above water. I am not happy about this. However, I do understand that it is common to have this happen. That doesn't mean I have to like it.



It has felt like I am carrying this enormous boulder. And honestly in some ways has made me fucking sick and disgusted with the memory of Garry. It has forced me to look long and hard at both the success, and utter and complete failure of my friend. Yup you read that right; Garry was a complete failure. Why? Because as it was joked with his dad, he couldn't say yes, and he couldn't say no. Because of this what HE wanted was often lost, as he tried to please those around him. He was arrogant, but he didn't back it up.



To be fair, these are the points he was working on. These failings are the ones he was desperately trying to change. He struggled with them, and sometimes he would win, others they did.



So while this has left a bitter sweet memory of my friend, it has gotten the trauma out of it, and has clarified this isn't for HIM, this is for the living. There is a full circle aspect though, it allows for us to give back to the community using some of his ideas. Which then gives some life to the goals he was trying to achieve.



But it also has closed the door, on those who think everything should be done as Garry would do it. He's dead. We have to get over it and keep on going. He would want it that way. He would be the first one to say he wasn't worth the fuss. BUT he also would be the one saying do it big, make it bigger...



Well, we aren't that big, but we are starting with what we have... and growing from there. That is exciting.



Ok. Back to work, and then today I have to do some sewing and packing. Full tilt boogie y'all.

Yesterday was a huge relief. I finally sat down and did our numbers; and if I'm able to get the funds from those shirts outstanding still (very few left), and everyone's pre-order, we have just enough to get the items for the day of the run and the prizes I hoped to get.



Exciting!



See what most people don't realize is that sponsorship is very difficult to get for any first year event. Typically the organizer is putting their money up front and then recouping it as things are done, or after the fact.



Now I did put my money in this. I bought several T-shirts, and actually purchased a Tool sponsorship for my business. But over all, its been minimal and while I would give more, frankly this much has "over extended me" as I move in September, which means I have two rents to pay for that month.



Add to the mix my car needs repair, I am READY to start working on my Business full tilt again and have already started delegating "jobs" with people for next year's run. I will still be acting as "chair" but over all, the plan right now is to look at transitioning it to other people for the third year with me assisting them, and starting to downsize my involvement.



Why?



Because, I will stay involved and support this every year, but I will not have it as "my life". I think community involvement is very important, and more so helping those who are ill in our community. My long term goal in this aspect is to get something a little bigger going; but the Poker Run has to be successful to do this. Until that happens, I'm looking to just get it on its feet and from there- we'll see.



But the months coming up: they are more about "me" and getting back to where I want/need to be. First step, move. Second, get my financial feet under me more firmly. This year I have stepped forward. Next I need to JUMP.



Ok, time for some shopping and then cleaning. Let's get this day DONE!

Everything is ordered, or will be by Monday.



Now I have to get frames for some prizes, artwork and the "nic nacks" required for the ride.



Want to help support us? Did you know you can not only donate to the charity directly:



DONATE



You can also "Ghost Ride" which means you get a Key Chain and Patch, while supporting us in this endeavour.



SWAG



And don't forget Morrigon's amazing



PRINTS



Please note if you are out of the US, Prints will take a little more time to ship as the company is not as "friendly" with international shipping. Still we'll get you your items!



I can't thank this community enough, the verbal and overall support you have shown me the past few years has been amazing.



For that there are simply no words to adequately express my gratitude.

15 days until the ride :-O



Patches are ordered.

T-shirts ordered.

Bumper stickers ordered.



o.O



This is actually happening. I think I'm going to drink and then pass out for the night.

Bush was good, but Slash tore it up!



Amazing. Plus a big surprise was that they did 3 Guns and Roses songs: NightTrain, Sweet Child of Mine, and Paradise City.



Lord, Miles Kennedy and Slash are quite the combo. *still in awe*

Tonight: Bush and Slash! WOOO



Weather forcast: Showers o.O lmao it's gonna be fun :P

New Orleans... I keep thinking of it, and the gathering a few years back.



I think it's over due for another.

So it seems I have a new place to live. Went to go look at it, and it is HUGE. Way bigger than where I am now, with storage and a yard. Best part is, I know the upstairs neighbors as it is my tattoo artist, who happens to be landlord's sister.



We all went for dinner last night, and it was a very good thing. Excellent vibes. Now I just have to get through the next three months and it should be golden.



Strange how it feels almost like a right of passage when you find the right place.

No nap for me. I ended up doing a bunch of housework (YAY I'm getting closer to seeing the end of it, well until the next week) and phone calls with the poker run.



I still am HORRIBLY behind. But it's coming together, slowly- but it is happening. Ok time for worky work, then I see the house and yoga.. and stuff. o.O



Let's get this day STARTED!

I am so tired.



I just want to sleep. But tomorrow is Rock the Park with Slash :) YAY



But right now, I would be happy taking another nap. Hmmm nap...

SEGWAY!



Grain Free Pancakes :)



- 1 cup plantain flour (buy online or locally if possible, or make from scratch with green plantains)

- 2 small eggs

- 3/4- 1 cup milk (raw, goat, almond, etc.)

- 1.5 tsp baking soda

- 1/4 tsp sea salt

- coconut oil (for cooking)

- butter, berries, fermented cream, coconut milk/cream, etc. for toppings

I know I've said this before. But I'm really loving how my coach cornered me and forced me to my new schedule. It seems like there is less "work" but when I'm there, I'm ON IT. More importantly I'm getting things done in my life that I kept putting off because I didn't have enough time.



I am not however going to the gym as much. It was my sanity last year, and this year has been more about doing things and remembering that I enjoy being busy.



I'm also coming to the realization that another big shift will happen with my move in September. I am about to leave my past. I honestly don't know what this future will look like, I'm still not seeing things like I used to. I still feel fractured at times, but over all I feel like "me". And in all honesty it's been probably since my Grandfather died that I've felt this way.



My friend Bob (some old timers know who I'm talking about) has a duplex that he's going to show me on Wed. I'm hoping that works out. I would LOVE to rent from someone I know. In the same instance, there is an apartment building down the street that is all inclusive where my "shit" will fit. It's right in my budget (actually is what I paid at Simcoe when utilities are included), it is secure building and it has pool and all inclusive - even if I use my air conditioners!



If Bob's place doesn't work out, I'm going to call them Aug 2 to see if anyone gave notice for the building I want in one of the larger apartments. If they did, I will do everything I can to get it.



Once I finish with this entry, I have to start fixing parts of the web site. I swear, I have enough work right now to occupy 3 people. Guess I better keep plugging along ;)

Today and tomorrow I'm cleaning house. Figuratively and literally.



See one great thing about this Poker Run is the "drama" others caused. It truly helped me step back from the life Garry liked and what surrounded that, to who he was. At the same point, it has allowed enough separation of what was, to what is now. This has been paramount, for the simple reason the largest part of the grief is done.



Some may not understand why, but I honestly believe that it is because we are using so much of what Garry did in the run. It give purpose that he so desperately wanted in life, to the things he tried to accomplish. That they will go on and help those ill and in financial need, I can't say that upsets me. No it's not the wealth he dreamed of, but it will make a difference for another person in his position.



I found that I need to do. Sitting around waiting for others just isn't me. More importantly it is a waste of my potential. As I said to his parents, we may not make a lot, but it's something. More importantly, I'm getting excited for next year... I will take on the bicycle portion, and Kelly will do the motorcycles. I think it will be awesome.



Ok, time to start cooking dinner, and cleaning my kitchen. Today is a full day. But it's a great one :)

A part of me dreads my move. Partially because I will probably have to move into an apartment. Now I know it's not a "big deal" but I've NEVER lived in one. I simply don't know how I'll do.



Now I might end up in a town-home, and I just found one near here that is all inclusive AND in my price range. Now if they have a hook up for a washer and dryer, then I'm set!



Yes part of my fear is having to sell my washer and dryer. I love them. 5.1 energy efficient front loading "gods" that they are. Why? Because I've worked hard for them. And because I'm picky about how my clothing is washed. That said, I may not have a choice but to sell them. One bonus of doing that, is that I will most likely sell them with extended warranty, and that will cover my "double rent" that I will have to pay.



But I love them.



Pathetic I know. But I have to find the RIGHT place. Simple reason: I am NOT moving again for some time. I have two appointments tomorrow, and since I'm actually looking for October 1st, I'm in great shape. Still, I am nervous.

I often get asked, or have friends who can't afford services such as my own. I always recommend Community Acupuncture in those instances.



It is a movement in the Acupuncture community to make treatment affordable for people. Cost of visits is $15-40 sliding scale, pay what you can. Most clinics also have a first time visit fee of $10-15 for intake/paperwork.



If you've wanted to try Acupuncture, look up your area and see if there is anyone practicing.



https://www.pocacoop.com/

So today I found dragonheart one and two for $5! Yay so exciting, as I loved that movie.

I adore Anne Hathaway. However in Batman, when not in her "suit" she was way too skinny. One of the aspects I adored about her before was her figure, and now it is way thinner than I'm used to seeing her.



It makes me a bit sad.

Batman was unreal. This time around you will either love it, or hate it. But I can say there is one shot that "gives away" the twist, but not enough that you care. It's more like you're privy to watching the characters put the puzzle together.



Go see it. That's all I'm sayin'.

SQUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!



WE GOT A 5lb GUMMY BEAR DONATED!



I have wanted one for this ride since we started planning it. Was at Cash Converters, our latest "TooL" sponsor picking up the check when the call came in!



YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!



My ♥ goes *boom* with gratitude :D

AND I logged into PayPal to alter some things... To find a donation :D



YAY!



I know, I'll suddap now... Such a geek ^.^

We just got another Tool Sponsor :D



Plus confirmation of another donation, and I think I forgot that Garry's parents made a prize donation.



YAY! :D

So last night I ended up drinking with my co-worker and Mechanic boy. Was a very interesting evening.



Ironically even though I didn't sleep well, I felt more mentally "sharp" than I have in a long time.



Perhaps doing more is a good thing. Tonight we see Dark Knight ^.^ 12:01am! SO excited. Plus next week is Slash. It's been an AWESOME concert year. Note to self: do this more often.



Now I nap, so I don't die tomorrow ;)

I. Am. So. Annoyed.



Really? I made certain shirts, and other things were actually being made. I tracked down monies etc. I've made hours of phone calls.



But you were "too busy" to facebook message one of Garry's oldest friends. One he wanted to visit with as his surgery was in the same city.



Now it's MY fault that he wants a shirt size we don't have?



Ugg. Boys. Always putting things off, and then upset they don't get what they want.



Over it.

There is a symmetry in using Garry's former business logos, to help promote the charity. It's not an easy thing to see, or say; but he wanted to leave a mark. So our using his basic design in a way help him do that.



What is unfortunate is several of his friends view it as a "money grab". I think it's because they want the items, but simply don't think they should have to pay. It goes to the entitlement many of them feel with him as "their" friend. I tried to explain some of my understanding of it to his parents yesterday.



It's tough as I do see their point. However, we are trying to raise money for charity. The prices we set are $4 more than the shirts cost to make. With limited sponsorship, the sales have to support both our supplies and getting the merchandise made. Once we sell everything from this round, we will have made about $500 in donations is all. That is a lot of work for those donations.



Hopefully next year we will have more sponsorship so the shirts/and merchandise is paid for. If that is the case; our donation would be at 2,000 right now. BIG difference. Yet all they see is that we are selling things with their friend's logo/image and it upsets them. I do get it. That is why we made certain to get the family's permission.



I was talking to my mom, if it were my brother; we would be honored that someone wanted to do this. But if they had not informed us; we would have been LIVID. Right now a big portion of Garry's family will be at the event, and a very limited number of friends. To me, that seems like a effed up ratio.



But many people are still hurt from the loss of our friend, and sadly that is because of how he played out his limited time. He tried to "under play" how sick he was, and I think to an extent used the time to "hide" and have an excuse to see and do things with the people he wanted to. Which means some who cared, were left out. Those were his reasons, and I can't give them voice.



Needless to say, there are still several people healing and very hurt from his loss. I get it, but I still wish they were able to see the bigger picture. One nice bit, was that his Step-mother and Dad thanked me for not choosing the Cancer Society. They like the idea of the funds staying local, and helping other patients in need.



On the other aspect of it, one of my childhood friends is going through Chemo right now for breast cancer. I'm honored she is using me for long distance advise with her medications, but it still makes me exceedingly sad. What is happening to the billions of dollars being raised for Cancer right now? Why are so many people still getting sick?



The answer is in how we live and eat.



It saddens me to no end, and the knowledge that a survivor of 5 years is 1,000,000+ profit for Rx companies... I find criminal.



This is why, why this project is so dear. Too many people around me have suffered and died from this horrid disease.

so when I got home from Owen Sound yesterday I got the gears from my housemate as she is convinced Egon is depressed. Winston can be very jealous of attention, etc and Egon can be moody.



I didn't really know how to take it as Egon will spend time alone (which I want) but also will lay with me and just "chill" (which I also want). Occasionally he does get depressed, but typically it is after I've had a long day and simply didn't spend as much time with them as I typically do.



Yesterday they were out for 40 min before I had to leave, and I didn't get home until 13 hours later. With my sunburn, I was ready for bed. However, Egon danced and wouldn't go out until I picked him up and let him out. Then he insisted on having me carry him around as "baby". Little tard was depressed because I was gone.



Now don't get me wrong. I have dogs so I can spend time with them. But he is going to have to "suck it up" as there will be times I am away. I think it's time for me to arrange a dog free night, simply so they can get used to the idea.

There is truth in the Buddhist ideal that life is suffering.



But that doesn't imply that we must go day to day in a state of pain. That is a choice.



Perhaps after I do a few more chores drunken cam will happen. Tomorrow I head to the gravesite. It would have been 44, but we all know the answer is 42.

So the puppies like BBQ potato salad. Who'd have thunk it?

Don't tell me about my profession. I will shut you down.



Also, if I'm telling you something about what I do, I would strongly consider that you research based off what I say. Too often I understand people "know" things online. This is why I put out information that is incomplete- but to search what I say you will find exactly what I'm talking about.



I get not trusting online information. That's why you won't see me telling you what to do, unless you're paying me to actually work with you. Even in my practise, taking care of yourself is a two way street. I may see you 2-3x week; but you still eat 21+ times a week, have 7 days of activity or not, over 84 hours of whatever you choose.



Life is what you make of it. You can choose to find a way, or you can choose - whatever it is you want to.



*this rant brought to you by silly patients*

What.

A.

Day.



I went to drop off our banner for Rocky's and the big motorcycle rally this morning.



Stopped by a local bar that said they could give us a gift certificate, and they gave us 5 for $25 each!



Went to paintball store that Garry was helping out when he got sick, they gave us 250 in day passes for their field.



And another gift certificate in email that I printed out.



I have to call a print shop ASAP in the am as it is UBER expensive to print flyers .10 each! I can get 250 11x17 posters for .42 cents each. Sheesh. So I'm going to see if they also will print on my own paper. If not, well I need to find an all night place to do it.



I pick up shirts tomorrow, and o.O it's really happening!



*cue spooky music*

Many of you know Morrigon has been AMAZING in helping me with this Poker Run.



What you may not know is so has VoTran. Not only did he draw out the playing cards, and the three logos we are using... he writes!



http://www.amazon.com/FOREVER-JACOB-Project-Hope-ebook/dp/B005HF7LTQ/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&m=AZC9TZ4UC9CFC&qid=1342019689&sr=8-6



Go check out his book. It's amazing, and it's cheap!



*Hey, I know if you're like me cheap is better simple because of budget!*

Today I got confirmation of three gift certificates for the poker run. Two of which might also sponsor....



Cross your fingers it's ONE month before the run.



O.O



Why do I feel like my pants are around my ankles?!



On a side note, I had a splendid day at the beach with my housemate for her birthday.

So please excuse me.



It's one thing to agree to knowing that something is going to be hard. It is entirely different to be eyeball deep in it and not understanding how and why, or if/when it will end.



I know what I said.



It is just so damn hard.

And of course, there is an issue with printing.



*sigh*



Can we get out of this time period and just be at next year please?

WTF just happened?! o.o



So mechanic boy played nice. I was total and complete bitch. I even used the line "I can get a better friend on corner of Dundas and Adeliade with a sign" to his face *it is where our prostitutes hang out*.



More over I texted friend (proposition from other night) and said I'm using your name as BF so I can drop douchecanoe. He said sure, but now we have to fuck.



Me: depends are you any good?



o.o



And mechanic boy is going help with some prizes for poker run and my head is swimming. I need someone to get drunk with STAT. Really? FML

Um, yeah. o.o



It is one of "those" days. Started with a phone call that woke me up as the tshirt is not printing as expected. Great, now we have to pay for artwork fee *sigh*.



Then I start work (no issue there) have lunch to have it interrupted by phone call with mechanic boy. Now I have to take my car in this evening after work. *sigh*



Get back to work after lunch to a client who has a seizure on me, then a new client with anorexia and a grouping of others. o.o I think everything went really well. Was able to attend the one client and then the one that was with them in community. The one with an eating disorder is well plugged into standard medicine, and seems to respond well. And the others... well they are long standing.



But man if I don't want to deal with mechanic boy today. Is it too much to just want to have time with a friend and relax? Just might be. Damn.

So my housemate and I went to get fresh spring rolls.



I still have two left... and I want to EAT THEM >.>



Never mind how much I've already eaten. o.O

Happy 4th of July to all of my American friends :)



Yes I am American too, but living here the past 6 years I'm starting to celebrate more the local dates than the ones I grew up with.



Although.



I wouldn't turn down opportunity to do both! ;)

So I have to get rid *as in use* the stevia I bought. Ugg. Don't get me wrong, I just am not liking this brand. Sadly it is the Trader Joe's brand. Typically their brand is one of the top tasting and great with price. But in the case of Stevia, I have to say spend more and get Truvia as it does not have the bitter after taste that most Stevia sweeteners do.



That stated, I didn't want to just "switch" over and go through massive sugar with drawls, so this will work out. Because I'm cutting the sugar in half and using half a pack of Stevia. It tastes the same (just enough that I don't get the after taste). Plus it lowers sugar count and doesn't have the side effects I get from other sweeteners (splenda + me = migraine). Aside from that, I'm simply not a fan of chemical sweeteners, and I HATE that splenda has people convinced it is "natural" because they chemically alter it to something else. Uggg. That means it is NOT natural. Sheesh semantics in marketing :(

Last night was a prime example of people not understanding how powerful perceptions are. The Hand has her position because of CONSISTENCY, over the several years I've known her- and it's been pretty much since she started VR a month or so after myself; she has been consistent.



Have we had disagreements? Oh yes we have! Wait, unless you know us, you never heard about it because we privately discussed things and then went from there. There was no back stabbing or anything else. At times we agreed to disagree, no drama or hurt feelings. Has she done things against VR policy? Not once that I've seen.



Has she abused VR "powers"? Not once. But let me clarify; she HAS used the rules to make her point. That is fair and just. Has she done so publicly? Rarely, and when she has it has been because there was no choice but to make an example of the person.



This all goes back to the story I used about responsibility: A dog owner walks their dog daily. Allows their dog to shit on their neighbor's lawn. But they do not pick up the shit even if directly asked to.



So what happens? One day, they walk out their door and step onto a bag that is full of shit. They complain, and cry that they stepped in the shit, but never once mention how they have neglected to pick up their own dog's poop.



This could be changed to: A coven master who tells their coven daily how VR should be. Asks their coven members to down rate and dishonor other members. They refuse to take responsibly and play the victim when certain privileges are removed for not following the rules or TOS.



So what happens? One day, they claim the victim because their title has been removed and the people who once were told to honor them and rate them well no longer do so. They complain, and cry at how unfair VR is, how people are attacking them, but never once mention how they have neglected to follow the guidelines and rules of this site.



Don't EVER think that if Imagesinwords is saying something that she has no cause. I have NEVER once seen her be wrong. In the times she wasn't certain- she would say just that and not act until she is. Every time she asked me to trust her, later when it was appropriate for her to share; I understood and agreed with her actions.



None us see the "whole" picture, but some of us have a clearer picture to what is happening. The Hand is not one to ever doubt. Period.



So pick up your "shit" or you just might find a bag of it on your virtual door.

I'm enjoying another "supernatural sunday". Yes it is monday but being a holiday... I'm just chilling out.



So much I have to do with Poker run, but honestly I need the mental break. And I'm liking it. Plus our ideas for next year are truly exciting. First thing; get through this year. Move forward and make changes.



All of the "bruha" around this year's event has reminded me of something Imagesinwords has said for a long time. Taking responsibility. We all know people should take it, but sometimes they twist the perceptions into something that simply isn't.



Such as the dog owner who walks their dog daily. Allows their dog to shit on their neighbor's lawn. But they do not pick up the shit even if directly asked to.



So what happens? One day, they walk out their door and step onto a bag that is full of shit. They complain, and cry that they stepped in the shit, but never once mention how they have neglected to pick up their own dog's poop.



Hopefully once this event happens, people see a bit more after the event happens...



But this happens purely because people choose to see what they wish to see. I find it sad.

Not today. This is a distinctive smell.



I've been around the after of a fire. I've seen small ones. Not this type of flame though. Makes me more grateful for those who fight them.

Perspective.



I woke to some "douche" screaming fire in the street.



Only he wasn't a drunk like he sounded. It's a huge fucking fire :(



If my friend is working, he's here. And this is just incredibly sad.

Am I the only one yet again who can't stop staring at MooniePie's small avatar? Cripes woman. Stop doing this! lol

Cam time! :)

Well. That was not expected.



Truthfully, I'm rather surprised really. You think on thing very clearly, and then BAM it changes.



Magic Mike was NOT at all what I was expecting. In truth it reminded me a little bit of boogie nights. Only not nearly as dark. But for me it was a very good analogy of the destructive bit my friend had around him. So positive, so wanting to make the world fall at his feet... and well, the movie goes into the rest.



It actually hurt watching parts of the movie simply because of how dark - not that it was, but the false aspect that was painted with such a pretty package...