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There was a dream, where you were described in a manner that your best friend had never seen.



Yet as he's talking, I picture it exactly as if I had seen it.



You answered that you were traveling,



I said in my mind: California.



He said you said California was next.



Some days I wonder at the tangled skeins all around.



Mostly I don't worry about it, life is now- and I'll be damned if I'm going to miss it.



Yet with all of this, these moments leave me wondering, "did I shut the door tight enough, or just enough to get by?"



No matter, things will be what they are meant to.



And that includes the choices we make outside of what our ideal is. Because of that, I'm not too concerned; it's just that sense of deja vu that leaves me momentarily out of sorts and wondering what end the world is "sitting on".

Today, I complete my Schedule.



It's a bit complex as I have to both put in time to "attract" clients (blog, networking, meetings etc) but also client time, office prep time, personal time, and even just thinking about all this; I'm exhausted.



Still this is the first step on the next big step. Still have thousands of little ones between here and there- but this needs to be done. And effectively.



As I get busier, if I don't create a schedule and stick to it- then I will fail.



So, time for some planning. A little day dreaming, and well "magic".



Honestly, with people who don't succeed in business on their own- it isn't their lack of ability or commitment: I would argue it is that they don't want to do the other "little things" which in fact can keep you busy forever.

I'm getting excited/nervous...



We have already started working on this year's poker run. I will be in charge of the bicycle portion which will be in July (the 13th), and another friend who is a member of a motorcycle club is taking over the motorcycle portion.



We will still be fundraising, but our focus is ridership this year. Instead of all the merchandise that people asked for last year (ironically the people who asked for it, are the same people who talked shit and didn't show) we are just going to sell what we have left over and this year entry will include T-shirt and Patch.



If you don't ride?



Then your entry goes as donation. SO MUCH EASIER.



We have a cut off date of 2 weeks to be garenteed a T-shirt, and after that we will give out last year's t-shirts until all are gone.



I don't know if this will "take off" as honestly it is a lot of work, and last year I did the majority. This year, it will be the same.



However, next year- that goes to other people. If there are volunteers, I will help out. But even getting this part of it done this year, has been like pulling teeth.



Tis ok. Truly, because we did what we set out to do, and now- well now we can focus on having fun with each other, and raising public awareness.



The fund I truly think deserves attention as it is the only fund that helps patients pay for treatment they can't afford. If you know about cancer, and what it costs, and the insurance costs... then you know how devastating it can be.



Plus we paid back the amount Garry took out. Now the rest will do what he wished, helping those with cancer now. It is a good thing to do.

So my shoulder has been hurting since September.



I took tons of time off to let whatever I tore heal. But using the loaner car (sunfire) did not help my back or shoulders at all. UGG that car is made for people who WANT back problems as the structural curvature of the seats is HORRID.



Nothing a little yoga won't fix, but MAN, yuck!

Someone put a post about tonight being a wolf full moon. Figures you came up in conversation. That all of your favorite people were at my place and that Mike shared that dream and then the discussion we had. Just figures, I then go to turn my brain off... Douche.



That is all.

Stitch and Bitch today! YAY! Chili is made, and now I get to go shower. So excited. Honestly. All I have to do is sit here, drink coffee/wine, talk and crochet.



It's gonna be an AWESOME day :D

I feel like hamburger. I made it. The pig was completed, the supplies gotten and the test taken.



I have started chili for our stitch and bitch and now... now I am going to nap or watch one of the movies that was waiting for me in Buffalo (snow storm in Dec made it so that I couldn't take them home with me then).



Now I get to play with pups as they are anxious to have time with me. You would think that I didn't leave yesterday and that it has been more than 24 hours.



Silly pups.

Pig was a success!



Leave tonight for test tomorrow. Car broke down, last night- part not in until Monday.



Enter mechanic has a loaner for the WIN!



Deep breath, a big round of gratitude and I'll see you all on the flip side :)

Operation paper mache' pig is: GO!

OPSY! Looks like my Battlestar Galactica Marathon took over more time than I anticipated.



Seriously, I've not been really using my laptop except for TV in the past week. o.O



Time to get back to worky work and stuffs.



Sometimes I wish I could simply clone myself. This week is turning into "hell" week, not because I didn't plan with events, but because I offered to make a paper mache center piece. I told the person I needed everything by the end of Dec.



I got the final supplies... Sunday. FUCK. So now I'm trying to redesign and get this done today and tomorrow because Friday- I go to Buffalo, and Saturday is the event it is for, and I have to be in Toronto that AM for a test. GAH. Oh well, shit happens sometimes. No matter how much you try to prevent it.

Lazy Friday. I'm glad actually, for some reason I'm "blah" while feeling really good. Odd sensation truly.



*shrugs and goes back to watching TV*

Does anyone else ever go back into their journal, simply because you can't remember what you wrote?



o.O

I am going to be making some big changes here with how I work. I "fear" they will not be well received but they have effed up my schedule since last July.



Honestly with that much time, and so many discussions- it should not be an issue. However. I am the only practioner who sees multiple people at a time. This perhaps will make it easier to transition.



Lord knows I'm tired of loosing clients because the front desk can't multi task or do multiple level scheduling.



It has been beyond frustrating, because it means the money I pay goes only for someone to answer the phones and take payments. Considering I used to do that AND my work (hence why I am so behind in some aspects) I am more than prepared to do it again, and more over, to pay someone to keep up with paperwork (heck I'm already doing that!).



*sigh*

Well that was bad behavior, and right after being praised.



Back to the kennel tonight it seems.

FOUR DAYS! Er, nights! Four nights of no accidents YAY!



Pups are doing well with the adjustment of sleeping out of crate and with me. Still, I will be putting them in crate on certain nights and of course when I'm at work. Overall, the accidents are truly more accidents. YAY YAY YAY.



And yes, I realize by posting this, I am tempting fate... but FOUR NIGHTS! :D



When I packed the pups Christmas toys, I also brought out the rest of the toys I had for Holmes and Megan (that I didn't give away). Winston and Egon LOVE them. :) it is good to see the toys that they loved, being enjoyed by the pups. I have no doubt they both would approve.



So once again the disagreement of where toys "belong" is happening. I put them in their box, Winston removes them. I put them back, Egon puts them in the hall... lol little trouble makers.

So because of my trip, I've been short with funds. And in actuality, my being short honestly came from the move and the budget shift I did in September (it's why I save for trips, and if I know I'm going to move). Most companies I've made partial payments to, and am almost "caught up" (normally I pay a little each pay to everyone so no bills are ever "high"). Who is the company calling me non-stop and "harassing me"?



The one I'm $20 short on.



Really? FML. Noted, never get behind with them again. Seriously, though it is depressing when the only phone calls I get are from Mom and this company. *sigh* That is a thought progression for another time.

I'm sad that all of my Christmas decorations are down. It took less than one and half hours to get it all done. Another one and half to clean everything *mid season clean is nice*... and well, I want twinkly lights again.



I guess that is what truly makes things special, is when you take the few minutes to appreciate them. I even washed and put away the seasonal dog toys. That way when I take out the ornaments next year, the dogs will have "new toys" to play with as we decorate.



Back to my crocheting :) Not a lazy Sunday, but a lovely one with big fat snowflakes.

You know what? Life is pretty damn good. Even with all the stress, I am very happy with certain things- and now that my trip is over, I "see the light"...



And it is fanfrickingtabulous.



Oh and dinner. Time to eat that. It's only been waiting for me for 30 min.



o.O

I am so excited! I get to meet the baby of a client who came originally to me for fertility :D LOVE these visits. Sadly it is to treat their spouse who is going through chemotherapy.



Have I mentioned how little I like disease like cancer?



*sigh*



But BABY! :D Very much looking forward to baby time!

So Egon really irked me this morning. We went for our morning walk, only he refused to go pee. I choose to take us on double the length hoping, but when we came home... someone choose to use the rug instead of waiting for the outdoors.



UGG. I'm gonna throttle that dog. Because Winston? Winston has been full potty trained since Seattle.



Egon's the one with the stubborn ass. *sigh*

I'm glad I didn't log on yesterday until late. So many posts were "it seems like yesterday"...



The mean side of me wants to scream, "What the FUCK does that mean? It seems like a goddamn lifetime ago, and nothing is the same."



Yuh. That about sums it up. *sigh*

Two years ago in the morning I was woken and told Garry had died a few hours after we had left the hospital.



So much has happened, and today I am grateful for the distractions. Kat's daughter came over and we watched the last three Harry Potter movies. Rather fitting in a morbid way. We laughed, crocheted/knitted, ate and socialized. Kat joined us for the last movie and then they left around 7pm.



Mike called in a panic because his mom's wasn't packed enough, and I just got home from 3 hours helping him help her be ready for the moving truck tomorrow. It looked like aside from incidentals- she was down to about 10 boxes to pack. Not too bad.



Everything that we did yesterday and today were part of the things our friend is missed in. I'm finding it hard to look or "sense" his presence. If someone mentions it, I can be aware ,or if I look to see if it's there- I can find it.



But I have no desire to.



Not because I don't miss him. But I have to live, and somethings you simply don't fully heal from. That is the hard truth. I don't know if I will, but if I can, I need to allow space to let it happen. Yet if I pause long enough, there is this deep sense of dread and pain associated with today, and the reprieve from that was most welcome today.



The puppies, were amazing. They simply are a joy that in these moments I am so grateful for because they anchor me here. No matter how bad it gets, the pull me right back to where I need to be, and how I need to be going.



Silly pups. I don't want to over think today. I want to be grateful for the tears shed, and the laughter, along with the fullness of life.



Now that today is over, now I feel the new year has begun.