Spinning beyond what others would say, or believe... there have been 230,982 steps since the dance began. It will continue once the mundane has finished.
New bright things to look forward to in the New Year.
Happy New Year all :)
So the house is horrid.
Going through the items I left… ACK there is much I need to take/mail. Grrrrrrr… I need a clone.
In pouring my last candle order (I’ve had most done all week, still can’t figure out the flipping printer problem- it’s in Canada… I’m here) I got hot wax all over my face.
Thank god I wear glasses as if I hadn’t been wearing them there were bits that would have hit my eye directly. I don’t think I ever want to experience an eyeball burn. As it is, I have several red dots on my face… that blend in with my freckles… but hurt like the dickens.
I completed my balm order of 100 balms last night, am here at the café while they melt so I can pour and then “clean” them up to sell (which means all the drips and other stuff like putting on the lids). Hopefully she can pick them up today… that or I will drop them off. A friend is coming over to pick up her candles and bath salts, I have to mail Jason’s package, then Dee’s and Melodies orders… provided both are ok with getting labels in about a week due to horrid Canadian mail. ACK… I keep forgetting to message people… BAH
Every part of this trip has gone wrong. I am still in good spirits, just feeling very much alone. It has be abundantly clear that I have overstayed Seattle. While I was able to get rent quite easily… YAY candle sales and Balm orders… I can make the same without being here… just by using the good old mail system. Next year I will do all the shows I usually do with mailing my candles and salts to them. That should bring me back to where I typically am for my business. So much of life is balancing on a thread… and still
It will work out. Even if in disaster… if I live how bad is it really? Not too bad.
We forget that. The choices are out there and ours to make. Yes this move is the best thing I’ve done… now I just need to get back so my poor roomie has a break from the puppies and the mess they created by getting sick… MEH… I wasn’t kidding when I say everything has been off this past bit!
Happy New Years everyone if I don’t journal before the new year… as I am going to be a busy busy girl today.
I have learned something well worthwhile
That victory could not bring--
To wipe the blood from my mouth and smile
Where none can see the sting;
I can walk, head up, while my heart is down
From the beating that brought it’s goad,
And that means more than the champion’s crown
Who is taking the easier road.
I have learned something worth far more
Than victory brings to men;
Battered and beaten, bruised and sore,
I can still come back again;
Crowded back in the hard, tough race,
I’ve found that I have the heart
To look raw failure in the face
And train for another start.
Winners who wear the victor’s wreath,
Looking for softer ways,
Watch for my blade as it leaves the sheath,
Sharpened on rougher days;
Trained upon pain and punishment,
I’ve groped my way through the night,
But the flag still flies from my battle tent
And I’ve only begun to fight.
Received from “Red” Smith
Assistant Football Coach
Oregon State University
I hate it when things go wrong. I admit I over plan and try to prepare… so when a kink arises I am not very patient. *sigh* Both of my puppies are sick and so is my roomie. Damn damn damn.
Not much I can do from here. Worst part the vet in Canada wants $400 for treatment. My vet will send me home with meds for the puppies at about $60 each but still. I hate that I am not there. To ease the stress of an animal that does not understand why it is ill, it just knows things aren’t right… or to help ease the load that 2 sick dogs can create for an already sick roomie.
Worst part is that I changed my flight since I needed to finish things here so I won’t return tomorrow… but on Monday/Tues early am.
I hate not having control, even if that control is nothing more than a perception. Being there does make it easier, and I will not be there till later.
Ok first thing… PriceLine.com sucks.
DO NOT USE THEM.
While they DO help you get great priced tickets at times, they have the most un-flexible rules and you run the risk of being royally screwed with NOTHING legal you can do to protect yourself.
Take my Christmas trip home. I saved $47 dollars or 12% off the actual ticket price. I found out this am that when my plane was cancelled and I was stranded in Dallas, American Airlines legally could choose to NOT honour my ticket and force me to purchase another ticket just to complete the journey I started that am with my priceline.com ticket. WHAT?!
Not what most airlines would do granted, but legally they could and I would have NO legs to stand on. No wonder the overworked, yet still kind American Airlines workers has so many problems attempting to alter my flight plans to Seattle from Dallas. According to their records, I no longer had a ticket. I remember being told that, but not understanding what that REALLY meant.
That wasn’t the only thing that was disturbing, having had my travels delayed and then not having my clothes for 3 days took away MUCH needed time to work on the house. I am almost exactly 3 days behind where I should be.
ACK!
So I called American Airlines to change my return flight and finish up here. Well remember that saved 12%? It seems it almost prevented me from doing that. Had I paid the measly $47 more American could have saved me an hour on the phone this morning. Thank goodness for the kindness of first person, he’d been with the airlines a long time, was understanding and hated that he had to tell me he couldn’t do anything.
As it was, he had me call priceline.com which could only say… so sorry it’s not our fault your travel was disturbed, “it’s up to the airlines to compensate for these things”.
OOOOOOOOOH
Thank you SO VERY MUCH Priceline.com, you just gave me a loop hole to change my NON-Changeable ticket…
SO, I called American Airlines again, and requested an acting Supervisor, and got Richard on the phone. After explaining the days lost and loss of clothes for several days Richard asked what he could do. I told him I’d like my time back, and understanding that Priceline.com tickets are not transferable, refundable or changeable, it was up to the Airlines to compensate for my lost time.
YAY RICHARD! Without hesitation he asked me when I wanted to fly out of Seattle.
I now fly out on the first of January at 7am, thanks to that neat little loop-hole that Priceline.com created themselves.
Moral of the story… Priceline.com has lost a customer who will actually tell others of their evils and the potential peril of flying with them, and American Airlines now has a customer that WILL tell everyone she knows about how they went ABOVE AND BEYOND to make a horrid situation very doable.
They will have my business again.
Morale of the story:
Go directly with Airlines.
MAKE SURE travel insurance covers acts of god, such as weather delays cancellations, etc.
And clean undies in your carry on bags… trust me, you’ll thank me for the latter of these, if you get stuck!
Tee-hee...
Well I thought I couldn't be here due to the cafe where I get wi-fi being closed... but I can still access the web since they didn't turn their feed off from the comfort of the car!
I've put one of my childhood favorite songs here... I hope you all enjoy. And still so very true about the world we live in today.
No song yet will have to try later to get it to work.
So I am WAY far behind on getting house ready.
Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong today.
Finished a co-workers brochure, web layout...
Then started by hearing from Maverick about how he's doing... Damn Now I wish I weren't here. As there is much I could do there to help. =/
Then called AAA to get the car jumped as my mother let it sit for the past year... BAH, was told "should buy another battery" Uh it's a NEW battery that just has sat there... *sigh*
Was called by a friend to find out phone company disconnected my voice mail AFTER I had set up arrangements on Monday. Actually they did it today... after 4 UNHELPFUL bastards ended up with very helpful woman... who actually said to me,
" you can yell at me all you want, as I would be very pissed off if in your shoes" O.O uh-oh...
But it SHOULD be back by next week since I then had to goto bank..
Seems you can't change a PIN unless you have the one they sent... only they didn't send it for the card I have and once I'm in Cananda I can't fix this and ARRRGGGGG....
Finally they were like, "oh we'll do an exception since you have 2 pieces of ID" Grrrrrrr
Only to find out my printer (back up is SHIT) hence why I haven't gotten orders out. BAH...
Called a store that has wanted my items for the past month to let them know
1. Yes I have them
2. No printer...
oh and can I have my money for last year??
Good things...
I sold 20 of the bags my friend designed and I've altered... PLUS another 5 or 10 to make depending on how much fabric I was given.
Am going to make proto types here.. and then pitch them to REI.. and my friend at WhirlingGirl.com is going to sell them as well...
SO
Things are moving... I am not complete failure... just in probably the roughest spot yet. As the store owner told me
BREATHE....
and what better way than here at the cafe into my coffee creating lovely bubbles?
https://www.vampirerave.com/message.php?message=450022
The question asked was, Have you lied online…
My answer:
I lie all the time.
Like the pictures that are only the ones *I* like, as they do not show me next to people as I am rather unhappy with my size in relation to other people... alone I'm fine.. as in person I do not seem like I am built like a brick shit house... but in photos...unless I am wearing next to nothing I look like I will plow you down.
As to how I am, well much of my intensity is lost in my words. Don't believe me... ask those who have met me.
It is all about perception. I seem much less than what I am here. And that is a deception, so it is untruth or a lie.
I truly believe that none of us can give the fullest complexity of ourselves online. Even those I have warned at times have been surprised on meeting me.
So we all lie, even if our words are nothing but truth.
Rant on
I am SICK AND TIRED of being treated like SHIT by other coven masters and assistants. People not being clear with what they want etc.
I do not like reading what EACH and every coven wants, what the "master messages" have been that I should magically know (even though I have never gotten them directly), and I DO NOT HAVE TIME to read every page of every coven.
As far as I'm concerned they get what they asked for, and should be happy I even paid attention to what was written in the coven pages. I am sick of this passive aggressive BS.
If you have issue with me message me directly.
Had the request stated something along the lines of:
I have spoken with (incert coven Master name)... or my 1. Choice is...
this would have been approached differently. I will NOT be blamed for others and their sloppy messages because they "do not want to cause hurt feelings".
Ask for what you want or deal with the consequences. I am here to enjoy my time, not play these childish games.
/rant
From a good friend's email updates... stories from the storm...
His Version: The windstorm started brewing up around 6pm on Thursday. Our power went out at 7pm, so we tucked ourselves into bed, expecting that the power would be restored early the next morning.
We were awakened by a loud crash/bang/thump at 11pm - the noise sounded like it came from outside the bathroom. I got out of bed and tried to open the bathroom door, which was thoroughly stuck. I finally managed to pry it open to discover that the object blocking the door was the bathroom ceiling. A tree had smashed the skylight ... and the wall ... and the window. I put on my boots, crunched my way across the kitchen floor (tree had smashed the kitchen skylight) into the entryway to discover that the tree had smashed the skylight and left a 3' diameter hole in the roof – it was raining into the entryway.
I went outside and saw that two trees had hit the house - the shorter of the two had fallen into the taller of the two, done a piledriver into the bathroom, then whipped the taller tree the length of the house across the roof, sheared off a 20' piece at the end which had bounced off the end of the roof (smashing the skylight and putting a hole in the roof above the entryway.)
I went downstairs and called our insurance company and, after 20 minutes on hold, was informed that I was near the front of the line for assessment and emergency repairs. After that, we went back to bed and nervously listened to the trees creaking around the house.
Friday morning, we woke up around 7am and it was 40 degrees (8C) in the bedroom. I put on warm clothing and wandered outside with the digital camera, snapping photos of the devastation. We had a lot of trees down on the property (we live on 6 acres (2 hectares) just outside Redmond, Washington.
The tree struck the house so hard that items that we had hanging in the rafters in the garage were knocked off the hooks and fell down onto the garage floor. There was also a large hole in the garage door - oddly, it had been smashed outward from the garage, not inward, as a hunk of tree would have done. I looked around, but I couldn't find the cause for the hole in the garage door.
After feeding the animals, we drove up to my office at Microsoft to check in with my team - I had cleaned up all my work items for the Beta release and I wanted to make certain that I didn't have any last minute work items. We arrived to discover that the power was out at Microsoft. That was my indicator that the power outage was very serious. I checked in with my boss and he gave me the rest of the day off - no power meant no computers and no work to be done.
We also discovered that we had no cellphone service at our house – our area's cell tower didn't have power. Our landline did work and, as we were cleaning the debris from the front yard, it started ringing - estimators and contractors calling to schedule appointments.
The "tree guys" arrived with a crane around 11am and lifted the trees off the roof.
As they started working, one of my neighbors came over to check on us. I discovered that he was running low on firewood, so I loaded up a wagonload of 2+ year old seasoned firewood wood and thanked him for the offer of chainsaw help.
Meanwhile, the tree guys used the crane and chainsaws to cut up the trees on the roof and they stacked them neatly in the driveway. I started cutting them into rounds with the chainsaw and soon the "plywood and tarp" guys arrived around 2pm and started covering the holes in the roof with plywood and then tarping over the plywood.
As they were finishing, the first estimator showed up with a digital camera and clipboard and I started giving him a tour of the damage. By the time he finished, it was getting dark.
I called our friends Andrea and Jerry and they invited us over to their house for hot showers. We drove through Redmond and it was pitch black - no power, no lights, at all. Microsoft's power hadn't been restored either - I concluded that if Microsoft was out of power all day, it must be really bad. We got hot showers and then went out to dinner at Ruth's Chris Steak House - it was the 5th anniversary of our first date. Hobbit opined that I did an excellent job of ensuring that it was a memorable event.
Saturday morning, I got up around 7:30 and it was 40 degrees in the bedroom again. I put on the warm (now muddy and dirty) clothes I'd been wearing the previous day and drove into Redmond to see how much progress the Puget Power teams had made in restoring electricity. Power had been restored to the edge of town, so I stopped at the first espresso stand I could find, got a large Eggnog latte, and sipped it and watched the block-long line of cars waiting at the gas station.
I drove home and informed Hobbit that Redmond had power and we should have power shortly. She replied, "mmmmffff" from under a pile of blankets. Translation: I'm getting out of bed when the lights and heat come on.
I spent Saturday cutting logs into rounds and doing (still more) yard cleanup. That afternoon, we visited the neighbors behind the house to let them know that they might have sheep, goats, alpaca and llama in their yard because of the trees down across the fence.
They asked, "Do you have a huge black and yellow dog? We found him huddled under our pickup Friday morning and after we gave him some food, he ran back over to your house."
This explained the hole in the garage door - our dog Titus will occasionally pry up the garage door, slither underneath and sleep in the garage. When the tree hit the house and knocked all the stuff off the ceiling of the garage, Titus was startled awake and smashed his way through the garage door in his haste to get out.
The insurance adjuster arrived on Saturday afternoon and we did a walkthrough. The tree hit the roof so hard that our bedroom wall (across the house from the tree strike) was bulged outward about 3 inches.
Saturday evening, we went to the gym and I went directly into the steam room where I spent 20 minutes rewarming myself, then a hot shower and off to dinner in Seattle. We returned home to discover that Puget Power had still not reconnected our power, so we spent another another 40 degree night ...
Sunday morning, I surveyed the trees hanging over the driveway and concluded that there were 4 trees that had been damaged and were poised to drop onto the area where we park our cars. A maple had partially sheared off a 20' hunk of branch which was hung between it and a fir tree – the logging term for that being, "widowmaker." Jerry came over and provided backup (standing with his thumb poised on the cellphone 911-autodial feature) while I cut down trees with my chainsaw.
We had a few humorous incidents - the chainsaw ran out of gas as I was ¾ of the way through a tree. I extricated the saw and, realizing that we were out of fuel, yelled across the fence to Jerry, "Jerry, can you hand me that double-bitted axe so I can finish cutting down this tree?"
Jerry replied, "Why don't I just hand you the gas can?" He picked up the gas can, realized it was empty, and without a word, picked up the axe and handed it over the fence. It took less time to chop through the remaining tree than it would have to refill the chain saw.
I got more 2 cycle mix for the saw and we tackled the widowmaker. I did everything by the book - relieving cut 1/3 of the way through the trunk perpendicular to the fall line, then the primary cut above the relieving cut on the opposite side of the tree ...
The tree creaked, swayed and then just sat there.
A combination of the angle of the tree, the branch hung in the fir tree and the balance of the tree kept it balanced on the stump ... at least, until the next time the wind blew, and then its fall path would be completely random. We contemplated a number of solutions and finally arrived at using my pickup truck and a rope to pull the tree down.
I started out by putting tension on the rope and slowly letting out the clutch, to no effect. After several tries, I backed up and got a running start. Trope stretched like a giant rubber band and then something gave - I watched as the tree swayed and appeared to drop toward the truck.
It resembled a Northwest version of the Dukes of Hazzard as I sped down the gravel driveway with the tree in hot pursuit. Luckily the truck moved fast and the tree fell to the left and smashed a blackberry bramble flat (instead of the truck.)
End result - we've got 6 trees down near the house and the beginnings of a HUGE pile of firewood. The burn pile for our spring goat shearing party is going to be gigantic and it looks like we will be remodeling the bathroom.
Her Version: Thursday night it was raining in my living room. We were out of power from Thursday until Sunday. The house was a disaster with broken glass and tree debris littered all over the floor. With the power out all I could do was sweep and pick up. It was also freezing in our house. When the power finally came back on Sunday morning at 11, I was so happy I cried.
Pictures of their home:
To give an idea as to the size of the tree…
Side view…
Here are pictures of my other friend’s new car… *sigh* what a Christmas break…
A view from the backyard…
Hardly big and scary in person :P But then again, look who's talking.
Note to self... in photos- REMOVE purse from under jacket unless you wish to do Jenny Criag ads *sigh*
WOOT I have my clothes :)
Now I have laundry to do :(
Still I was able to get a whole new outfit from airlines with what they gave me.... unexpected clothes, that otherwise I couldn't afford!
1 Velveteen Jacket black
1 Velvet Shirt Red
1 Velvet Shirt Beige
1 pair of jeans
1 Orange hoodie
1 Pink hoodie
1 pair of black yoga pants...
Did I mention I'm fairly good at finding cheap things? WOOT!
1. You will continue to take chances and be glad you did.
2. Someone is speaking well of you.
Ok update… I was able to get into Seattle on the very FIRST flight that arrived in Seattle ALL day. I arrived at 6:45pm Pacific time only 7 hours later than scheduled. Not bad considering there are people who did not get in after 48 hours of travel.
I was blessed. Since I was originally 168 on standby for the flight I actually got onto. WOOT.
However staying up 60+ hours physically wore me down.
It seems that the Seattle Airport is still under many issues from the major windstorm extreme rain (over 2” in an hour). What had happened is that Seattle has only 3 concourses for planes. Concourse C lost it’s windows in the windstorm. Concourse A had lost power, late the 14-thru the am of the 15th, only when it came back on did the Radar for the airport go down.
So there was only one concourse for about 24hrs, and then when there 2 concourses available, no radar for the airport. No wonder travel into Seattle is horrid mess, since it is an international airport. There were flights that had to make landings in other cities to fuel up as they circled too long trying to get into Seattle.
To give you all some ideas as to how bad things were here: One woman drowned in her basement office, being trapped by the water, 3 people have died from trees falling. A very close friend has lost her car as the tree in front of their home fell and landed on the car and then the house. Lucky… the car stopped the momentum and her husband was sleeping right under where the tree landed on the roof. It did not go through.
Yesterday was mainly rest for me to catch up on missed sleep and last night was the annual port party. Great fun to see everyone and well, I had the bonus of a new outfit thanks to my bags still being missing. Rather a bother since I need my paint clothes… but hopefully they will be here soon. *sigh* Otherwise I get to go shopping tomorrow too.
The positive bit is I did buy a jacket that I love! It’s a velveteen black one… YAY, as I don’t have the money for new clothes… so this is a big bonus.. that and it seems I’ve lost over 10lbs the last month… so that explains why my jeans weren’t fitting the same… I’m just one ½ sizes from my standard size that I have been since oh hell, since I finished growing in all truth.
However, I have much to do. Past few days have been realizing how quickly I end up back into patterns.
That is the real challenge… stepping out of the habits I created in response to hurt and fear.
So much I have to let go of. Interesting even in the face of everything falling apart for me financially I could careless. As the land in London speaks of so much more calm for me, here in Seattle I just feel the chaos. Ironically Seattle is only a little bigger than London at about 550, 000-600,000 residents… but King county has over 2 million. See the sub-burbs of Seattle really go from Everett to Olympia… over a 100 miles of straight city. Condensed and chaotic in all the negative ways, too much close growth, no planning happening for the region and just building for profit sake. Gone are the colourful folks of times past. Now we have the consumer driven.
Where I grew up used to have those old “hippies” into character, art and community. Now they no longer live here… or they have fallen into the money machine. So difficult, the fine line of care with career and integrity of self. Easy to loose sight with the ability to buy, with wants and desires… to have them take over and loose what need really is.
So From here I go to clean and make the candle orders and salts that I have left from previous. Cleaning and packing what I need to do my bits in London… and then… I will be done here.
A part of me does not want to finish… and then there is the ideas of what I really want… not the responsibility to others, but myself. And I remember to breathe and that everything is done by placing one foot in front of the other.
Even if the path is not seen it is there… waiting for the light to shine upon it.
I was recently stranded in an airport for about 10 hours. To make matters worse, because there were so many snafus with cancelled flights and such… I still have no luggage. So I’ve constructed a top 10 things to bring on Holiday travels for anyone travelling in this horrid time of year.
10. Humour.
It is funny standing in line for 2 hours only to be found to stand in a different line for another 2 because all 4 flights you had been booked on have been cancelled. Really you may not feel it… but it’s amazing how much more help you get with hysterical laughter than anger.
9. Water.
Ok so unless you bring an empty bottle, you will have to goto a restaurant or buy it in the concourse as in US only 3 oz are allowed. Bring at least one thermos and one water bottle empty. Trust with all the recycled air, you’ll need plenty of hydration to go with creating the spittle for hysterical laughter.
8. Coffee/Tea.
You definitely need caffeine to keep you awake to avoid the ones that wish to latch on to your advise, as well as the caffeine jitters do much to add with the shaking of limbs and such.
7. Books.
At least one serious and one humorous book to distract you from the aspect that you are indeed stuck somewhere you should not even be…..
6. FOOD.
While low blood sugar will help with the hysterical laughter bit… it does not help when trying to run from one end of airport to other to catch “the flight” that will get you home… only to find it too has been cancelled and you get to go right back to line….
5. Golden Rings.
Um, well not really, but tis the season… BAH
4. Pillow.
There is nothing more embarrassing falling asleep in you chair to wake with drool all over face… far better to have it in a pillow.
3. Taser.
Hrm wait they don’t allow those in airports. *sigh* Too bad… I could have used it with angry dolts that didn’t understand the benefit of being hysterical.
2. Valium.
For when hysterics, caffeine and food have all failed.
1. Clean undies in carry on bag.
Need I explain this? Really… better safe than so very sorry. Especially since it almost guarantees that they will not search your bags, or if they do, they end the search very quickly.
Good news, I have spiffy new clothes that the airlines have paid for… bad news… I learned many of these the very hard way...
So I'm sitting at a burger place that has let me plug in my computer YAY recharging... and they DO NOT HAVE TARTAR sauce :(
Seriously... you starve me all day with one stand by to another... all have been canceled without time to eat... and now that I have time... there is no TARTER.
GRRRRRRRRR
Plus it looks like I will not depart until 7am tomorrow... then it's off to LA... and then Seattle... BAH
Have met some nice people in the airport... most people are being great... others complete tards... ooooh YAY can feel my blood sugar getting better... definately needed food...
Still I look forward to the extra dance time that is most welcome and unexpected.
MEH...
Seattle and most of Northwest is without power...90 mile hour winds, and last night they got 2 inches of rain in 1 hour. Silly renters called to complain gutters don't work O.o uh with that much rain... storm drains can't keep up... *sigh* stupid people...
Got the airport this am... arrived in Dallas only to find my flight canceled.
Now I sit and HOPE I get on the next flight... as that will get to Seattle by about 5pm tonight... if I don't make it... I'm confirmed going to Santa Anna... and then Seattle by 11:15 pm...
Damn it... why didn't I sleep... esp considering the past week my sleep has been shit... if the weather gets worse again (most of Seattle is still without power) then I could be stuck in either Santa Anna or Dallas...
Thank goodness it is this week and not next... it's bad enough as it is without all the people trying to get home for the holidays.
Looks like I get to do some surfing today unless I find a place that let's me plug in.
I now take off - back to Seattle to finish the work that I left unfinished.
So much I wish I could put this off a little longer... but having it done will improve many things, and I am far more rested now.
Time for full tilt boogie... see you all from the NW.
In what seems to be the forever black… still there is more, a hope of an ember becoming a spark… that will fill the area with warmth, light and from there laughter. Dream of green… for it is winter and spring will rise from this dark in all her glory.
In the sun and green grass... where spring is ever in bloom and I fear less and less... lovely the dreams
Fade from this day, only to arise to a new melody in the morrow. Shall we?
They
Do not play by your rules, nor find comfort in the mundane blather. They do not wish to remain within the walls that you would cage them in. Ever perceptive of your actions and intents, They have let you create the illusion that you hold them back.
But They wake, slowly from their dreams. They have a wondrous unreal reality that removes all control you perceive yourself as having. They sing, so deeply that my soul weeps at the mere echo of it, from a time long past.
Slowly They move. You cannot stop this, should you attempt, I would stand in your way. For They are dearest to me above all else, They encompass what should be. They will not be denied however you might try.
Remove your void from them before They tear it to shreds. For I will not allow it to stay, it will not be. I would have the song renewed and increased so that all may hear, that I may weep freely at the power its beauty holds.
Selfish in this dream, I would forever let them go just for that song to be let loose and free. Fading from sight so that They may do all that lies ahead. Weary from the doubt you create; They being free would soothe me into my own rest. And so the role would reverse, and They would remove you.
You cannot not win when They or I stand.
I am eating MARGERINE
and processed PEANUT BUTTER... ICK..
That if nothing else speaks of a need in financial status. YUCK.
I feel as if I'm being pickled inside out. :(
Hello, I am a food snob.
I have yet to find the foods I NEED here... and sadly the funds to get said foods once I find them.
Hrmm seems to me it's time to pull out, er fly back here with my usual bags of tricks to "change the situation".
*SIGH* If only I could go a few weeks- even a month without food. It would solve my gargantuan ass issue AND allow me time to find the lovely bits of ethnic treats I'm used to.
Flan- I do hope that you and Daire can come down for Ethiopian... as my mother will not go there with me :( Make the Irish tard suck it up and take one for the gipper kay??
Ok enough ranting about food *sigh* time for planning the next steps in operation, feed my sorry self...
But the fire… wait, crap I don’t have a fire… oh heck! Let it snow let it snow let it SNOW ♥
I have to disagree with your statement about Seattle getting snow. I don't think Seattle really gets snow. We get falling, marginally firm, heavy slush that hides sheets of ice underneath. What I see in your pictures is how I picture real snow. Light, big, fluffy flakes that drift slowly to the ground and pile up like a giant down comforter. **Sigh** Must be nice.
Scary thing about this photo is that Maverick is shovelling what I had done less than an hour before…
Magic happens... oooh tinkle tinkle... I begin to see my next profile change.
So dear to my heart, something that speaks to one I hold dear, and yet another that I have yet to share it with...
ooooh planning... such inspiration... winter's on the wing
And still the dance continues 140, 268 steps... and I tire not... giddy in the power of it.
Dashingly dramatic of me don't you think?
;)
I remember this email, and it just cements something I have always believed no matter what your view of God is… there are no coincidences. So complete is the Yin/Yang symbol that we forget that in the dark there is light and where there is light there is dark.
God/spirit whatever however you believe… there are small pushes we feel everyday… a nudge to email someone… even a smile we give as we pass a stranger… a mental touch to soothe someone thousands of miles away.
Together in our aloneness we are far stronger than we realize.
So on to the pilfered story… *SIGH* Linky link isn't working...so...
One day, when I was a freshman in high school,
I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.
His name was Kyle.
It looked like he was carrying all of his books.
I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday?
He must really be a nerd."
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.
They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.
His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him.
He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes
My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.
As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. "
They really should get lives.
"He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"
There was a big smile on his face.
It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.
As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before.
He said he had gone to private school before now.
I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.
We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.
He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.
I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends
He said yes.
We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.
I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!
"He just laughed and handed me half the books."
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.
When we were seniors, we began to think about college.
Kyle decided on Georgetown , and I was going to Duke.
I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem.He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class.
I teased him all the time about being a nerd.He had to prepare a speech for graduation.I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak Graduation day, I saw Kyle.
He looked great.He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school.
He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.
He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.
Boy, sometimes I was jealous!
Today was one of those days.
I could see that he was nervous about his speech.
So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"
He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.
"Thanks," he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began
"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years.
Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...
I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.
I am going to tell you a story."
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met.
He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.
He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.
"Thankfully, I was saved.
My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.
I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.
Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions.
With one small gesture you can change a person's life.
For better or for worse.
God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.
So many steps it would seem I should be dizzy... 131, 225 were there only more hours in the day.
AFTER THE FALL
( THERESA )
TIME
ONLY TIME
COULD NEVER TAKE ME AWAY FROM YOU
AND WHY
SHOULD IT TRY
TIME NEVER CARES JUST WHAT WE DO
IT JUST SITS ON A STAR
AND GAZES DOWN
DROPPING ITS MOMENTS ALL AROUND
AND IF I COULD WISH UPON THAT STAR
I WOULD FIND WHAT YOU DREAM
AND THEN ASK GOD TO GRANT IT
I WANTED
TO SAY THIS
LONG BEFORE THIS DARK WOULD FALL
AT NIGHT I
WOULD PRAY THIS
THEN WONDER IF GOD HEARD AT ALL
FOR THE CHANCES I'VE HAD ARE NOW LONG GONE
AND THAT STAR IS NO LONGER WISHED UPON
FOR ON THIS NIGHT IT SEEMS TOO FAR AWAY
TRY
I HAVE TRIED
TO PRETEND THAT I DON'T CARE
BUT THEN
SLEEP ARRIVES
AND IN EVERY DREAM I FIND YOU THERE
BUT I DON'T WANT THE PAST TO BE MY LIFE
AND I DON'T WANT TO LIVE INSIDE THE NIGHT
BUT I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR SHADOW FADE
SO I SLEEP AND I DREAM
THOUGH I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT
I WANTED
TO SAY THIS
LONG BEFORE THIS DARK WOULD FALL
AT NIGHT I
WOULD PRAY THIS
THEN WONDER IF GOD HEARD AT ALL
FOR THE CHANCES I'VE HAD ARE NOW LONG GONE
AND THAT STAR IS NO LONGER WISHED UPON
FOR ON THIS NIGHT IT SEEMS TOO FAR AWAY
YOU CAN LIVE YOUR LIFE IN A THOUSAND WAYS
BUT IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THAT SINGLE DAY
WHEN YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU REGRET
WHAT YOU CAN'T RECLAIM BUT YOU CAN'T FORGET
IF I COULD JUST FALL BACK INTO MY LIFE
AND FIND YOU THERE INSIDE THIS NIGHT
AND LET ETERNITY JUST DRIFT AWAY
Beethoven realizes that Theresa never would have cared about his deafness and is crushed as he realizes what might have been. To ease the pain of his regret, Fate then shows him glimpses of the future and the countless musicians who will be inspired by, and build upon the legacy of his music. She then allows him a final vision; a vision in which he improvises with musicians from the past by whom he was inspired , as well as musicians from the future, who will be inspired by him.
Find the whole story with lyrics HERE
Such a beautiful story and each and every year at this time my rediscovery of it lifts my spirit and restores so much that it seems flight is indeed possible right now....
I cannot express what snow does to my spirit… it lights a spark, a fire that is infectious… to the extent that I remember the magic and the wonders of the winter.
So let me begin this season with this song from the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, I’ll keep your secrets… Look for more changes, but for now dream lovelies as the magic is just starting…
Was my mother’s blood pressure today… also her liver enzymes are off.
Stress… damn I hate being so far away… by the time she left it was 154/90. Damn I need to get this going double time as much of this stress comes from the financial situation.
And her co-worker said when she returned, “well I guess you didn’t have a heart attack, well you’re here aren’t you…”
F#%$^#&@^ DOUCHE
That is the nicest thing I can say about my mother’s co-worker. There are many, many more hateful things I would like to say to her. Heaven help her if I run into during my visit at Christmas it will not go well.
My mother is far too nice… Cripes she feels silly for having done the RIGHT thing in going to the Emergency Room. I am thankful for those that are around her…. But she is scared. This is part of her holding on, and not letting things go… Breathe… I just need to find long distance ways of helping now.
Difficult having to let her do this, without my help… but needed.
121,348 steps…
and still so much more to dance about…
I remember when this was the hip NEW video on MTv... when they played videos...
O_o
At least it still makes me want to dance - YAY!
Inhale, it is noticed that they are here. Quickening of the heart, anticipation of what is next. Exhale, the thoughts and memories begin to stir, deep within there is something just out of touch. An emotion while familiar remains without name, powerful though it is.
They are gone, the heart begins to pound more firm and steady in the knowledge that they have seen and are responding. Inhale, "You have 1 new Message."
Were this all I ever knew...
Let the flowers give off their peculiar smells. Let the bees, birds and elder trees hum along in unison, and let their sound be ever so soothing. The winds will not whisper with the haunting of emptiness, but the full tickling sensation of life as thick and alluring.. Let the satyrs sing merrily to whatever catches their easily distractable attention, and let the dryads return safely to their trees. Let bliss reside among the butterflies, ever so peacefully flapping by in groups, swirling and twirling around eachother in playful games. Let the aura of the glade be absorbed into your spirit, Let even the rocks in the ground be as pillows, ever so eager to avoid being rough in surface or hard to rest on. Let the wolves wandering though the glade lie down beside you, and be as living pelts to warm you as you sleep. Let the giggling whispers of the tiny fea-folk be as a lullaby, and let its soothing sound forever follow you into your dreams.
The more I think about love, the more I think it is the ultimate lie.
By that I am referring to what we in society take it for "lovers". In truth it has nothing to do with the other person, but how WE feel when with them, the illusions of self they help us create for ourselves.
Granted this does not last long, the chemical responses change and as with long-term couples, it eventually changes to a closer chemical match to their partners.
So why do we loathe ourselves so much that we need these illusions? Why is it that people want to have that part “filled”? Perhaps this is the real reason I remain single, and am doubtful that I will find a suitable partner. I prefer a friend, someone that love grows into, not that hits me upside the head and makes me stupid. I do not trust that. As I know that is a false temporary love.
In reality though, what I am looking for is something that typically (mind you RARELY) occurred when strangers had arranged marriages. When people put their feelings aside to create something else. They remove it from the selfish to the we.
People don’t want that these days. They want the ME, first and always. And so I will look after me… and not worry about finding the we. At this point my reasoning for long-term commitments is almost moot. In short I don’t want to fall in love, I would rather grow into it. Sadly at my age, that is not how people interact anymore. So, I shall just continue to dance where and when I please.
Today started out rather tough... see a good friend here is being bothered by a real life ex. Not ok in my books, especially when the intent is ONLY for harassment. I am too familiar with control freaks such as this, after all I lived with one for most of my life.
Funny thing is they always think they are so very clever. Well Bob316 watch yourself. You are being watched, and are not welcome here as you have no interest in the site except to hurt someone I consider very dear.
Worst part is it hasn't been a bad day. I had a great day, but the weather, energy and well other stuff seems to be in the way of that. I had another client today, this one is a follow up... and well after using pain killers and having pain 10/10, one treatment later it is now 5/10 with no rx since the appt early in the week. I know things are starting I can feel it... why then this feeling?
Perhaps it is that I am now where I wish to be, and things aren't changing as much as I wish they would. Maybe my unrealistic goals for life are the issue. You know the grass is always greener... or perhaps it is that I am confused and no longer know who to trust.
Before my gut never lead me wrong... Now it pulls me in two directions. One towards something that I still have difficulty believing in... and the other towards the same pattern I have always known. I am uncertain as to what steps are next... so I maintain the status quo while outwardly no one sees anything different... I am hiding.
Yes hibernation... it is time.
If you DON'T read this journal you are missing out...
Good, Bad, Ugly
Cocoa - Check
Blanket- Check
Movies till power goes out- Check
Candles for when power goes out- Check
YAY winter hibernation!
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