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Just had to yoink the photo... since I think I forgot the mug :'(
Well ya'll should know what that means... means another trip! Woooooo!
So go tell Birra what mad skillz he has with the camera, and Morri, well she's just awesome anyways. And if you don't agree- say it to my face, I'm sure I'll find a way of changing your mind >:)
You know it's hard when you absolutely adore someone, and love to talk to them...but only get the negative from them.
This isn't to say just one person does this, hell I've been known to do it myself. Not intentionally, but sometimes it seems that we simply over focus on the bad things happening instead of the good ones.
Imagine all the difference that one thought change does to not only our emotional being, but our outlook, disposition and poise. Perhaps when people go on and on about the "secret" and the law of attraction, the first place they should start is from being grateful.
From there, we can find so much more even when what we face is in truth horrid and painful. It reminds me:
By grace we are saved.
Not in a literal sense, but in an attitudinal manner. Perhaps what makes this so profound is not only the simplicity of it, but the ease of which it can be attained.
There is so much frustration at the level of complex bullshit that is happening right now. Granted most of it will resolve itself in time- but the problem is, between now and then- I want to DO.
Yet that is not how this has been set up, it is more of an issue where I have to ride out the turbulence until it resolves itself. Granted it is not all bad- there is an amazing possibility occurring right now...
Ebb and flow
There is always good with the difficult times. In yoga last night I realized it is truly the mind that gets in the way of the heart. While the heart should not be undisciplined, it should remain free to dream, explore and live- because with a little reason- not enough to hold us back, but enough to keep us well...
Right now the only thought going through my mind is Seattle. I am so home sick I simply want to throw everything I've worked for here away and run home. I've been put through the ringer and at any point in any day, I feel that I have to fight back the tears.
Part of the problem is that I asked for this kind of life- full, amazing and so rewarding... but the loss- is making me heartsick.
I think too much, as does Charlie. It complicates something that should not be so polluted by rhyme or reason- it is- and should be allowed to be. I'm tired of the games, being baited and falling for it simply because it is the habit of people here- and I just don't think that way... so it isn't till later that I realize I played into a game- yet again. Perhaps the only solution is just to walk away, leave all of this behind and yet again start new.
I just don't know. The hurt simply won't let me rest and the tears, I'm so very tired of being this touchy, I feel like I need to walk on shells with everyone in every situation.
What I need is the comfort of home, a safety buffer from all of this raw unrestrained feeling.
Sooooo when trying on the cute yoga tops, note to self: one must remember that they should try jumping AND remember the sweat factor BEFORE wearing to their yoga top to class.
I love going back and seeing my "typonese" correction to below would be *now being tested* lol one letter... *Sigh* such is the way of the world.
Redqueen left a very true statement below, and I think it is why so many people "dislike" disney and or choose to believe it is sap. The truth is, they offer ways to find hope when life kicks you in the nards. No you don't have to have the sunny disposition they are known for, but if you look, there is always challenge or conflict.
Why we overlook that, is that they don't force an emotional connection to the negative, then encourage the connection to the positive. Still if you watch, pay attention you will see where the pain is. While I am not the type of person to just be smiley all the time- I do think there is a real key to life success in keeping your thoughts focused on the positive- no matter what you face.
It is like a breath of ocean air, that sunbeam your cat lays in, or whatever your favorite thing is.
I messaged my friend today with a text saying I'm cheering them on but don't have pom-poms, so they would just have to deal with my jiggly butt in skull shorts and bouncing bewbies.
Heh. Sorry all I can think about with that is Foamy... and it makes me giggle at the absurdity of my doing that... although if ya know me, ya know I would not only do that, I'd do it in public. *sigh* the lengths we go to just to laugh. Still it amuses me, and now- now it is time for me to go work out.
Later this week I get to detox O.o
I really hate the idea of even one day with only liquids :( lol!
Slowly I'm finding my balance again. There was a major break through for me last night- still it does not change the emotions or confusion of the moment.
I am no longer ruled by fear, although there is plenty of it around. Seems contradictory to be a peace with your fear. Still that is probably the best way I can describe where I'm at. All of my talk of patience and trust is not being tested beyond what I ever thought I would have to face.
Yet I keep remembering this line from the Princess diaries 2:
Courage is not the absence of fear, it is merely deciding that something else is more important.
Decision
It is how we truly do things, it is the key to the "secret". You decide. You know. You do.
The time, when it is truly tested, we never get to choose. That it is being tested, I am too well aware of.
That said, I will be participating in a Cancer walk in June. While I believe that prevention is always better than treatment- having yet another person I care about (remember Crystal from Sept/Oct?) and too many others that I have lost in the years,
I
AM
DONE
We as people have got to get our heads out of our asses about how we live. So much disease is preventable, why doesn't our medical system teach more prevention? Why do we continue with habits we know to be hindering? There is so much we can do, and don't.
BREATH
I release you with love
I release you with compassion
I release you with understanding
I will live this moment in love.
Got hope? Are you optimistic? Good for you, but ya better stand back, or I'm gonna run you over as I tear through with a little dose of miraculous living.
So here is a picture of me in the size 6 party dress... please keep in mind that I had already been at an event for 5 hours and really just wanted out of the dress and into my yoga pants! lol
It seems once again a cruel twist of fate will play a major part in my life. I am ready for it- and encourage it to give its best shot. While my person will remain untouched, my soul already has made up its mind and I will continue- without any of the "things" that normally I would have allowed to cloud my feelings.
A miracle is the only thing that can save this situation, and I believe in them- more importantly I am praying for this one with all my being.
Any prayers regarding this are welcome, even though I know this entry is cryptic at best. The story simply isn't mine to tell- for I am just a minor player- who's heart dictates that she must be able to once again shine, when she would rather do otherwise.
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