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Chaotic's Journal



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2 entries this month
 

hm.

23:47 Aug 04 2006
Times Read: 622


wow. i could not sleep at all last night. i was just lying there...staring at the ceiling. i could barely force my eyes shut, and if at all, only for a few minutes. and i had to wake up at 5 to make it to school on time. sheesh. so yeah, started school today. it doesn't feel like i've been going to school for going on eleven years. hm. well, at least i have early bird, so i get out at 2. my classes are ok. kinda boring. mostly preppy kids, as usual. i didn't get the cool art teacher. but i'm still trying to get that changed. i'll be taking an internet class, too. so i won't have to take it next year, freeing up more classes for what i want to take. or i might do dual enrollment. my parental unit is going to santa fe community college, and told me about some classes that seemed kinda interesting. some of them are only like a year long (not including a semester or two of pre-requisites) and starting salary for when you get out is between like $35-50,000 or something. not bad. they are seemingly uncommon courses, but they say the need for them is good. it's in health care. but not like a nurse or anything. some were x-ray and cardiovascular techs...things like that. nothing too bloody, but still pretty good paying. i might look into them further. i'll be done with high school when i'm 17...if i take dual enrollment my senior year and get the pre-requisites out of the way, i'll only have a year more of school, then i can be doing pretty well for myself. i still want to have kids...but i'd get school out of the way first, then maybe work a couple years, so i'm financially stable, then think about kids. i definitely want them, but i won't rush it. i have plenty of time. i've been reading another terry goodkind book. i forget the name of this one. it's the one after soul of the fire. pretty good. i'm a little more than half-way through. things are getting crazy. heh. but it's a cool book, as all of goodkind's are. i would definitely suggest reading the sword of truth series. excellent reading material.


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bleh. black font ;]

21:50 Aug 03 2006
Times Read: 626


this isn't really for today...but more like the past months or so. i just got bored and figured i'd type for something to do.



see, a month shy of a year ago, i met this person. who was really cool. and things were good for a while. but i guess you can't always be happy. that, like everything, ended. so i tried to move on. experimented with others. but every time, i had the same feeling. like "this is ok...but not enough. not like it used to be..." heh, once i was making out with this one dude...and all i could think was 'damn...this sucks. not even half as good...' and i started laughing at him. right in the middle of it. lol. yeah. i ended that a few days later. and this other dude, i was iffy about...but i did anyway...the result? an extremely awkward week...that ended quite strangely. i just...don't...gah, i dunno. i can't really explain it. it's just...nothing measures up to...how things used to be. when i was....satisfied. perhaps not completely, then, but somewhat. more so than now or ever before. i tried to get over it. but i can't. and now it's all i can think about. constantly. i'm full of regret. and i wonder if it was my fault. i always wondered why it did happen. this is stupid, but i thought maybe if i did the same, i might understand it. that didn't work. it...i...just hurt somebody else. heh. maybe i understand a bit after that. but not much. i wonder if i ever will. this is stupid. i feel...pathetic. how can i allow myself to care so much...that...it can get me so down? and the worst part...things have no chance of changing any time soon. i think. which sucks. and if you think you know what this is about, if you actually know me, then yeah. it probably is about you. hm. i don't know what else to put. this isn't all, but it's all i can think of at the moment. so yeah. i guess i'll stop.

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