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I laid in the tub, filled with despair. I had no where to run, no one to tell. I was alone in that moment. I could of ended it there...but the thoughts of my ever surpressing caring of my self kicking in. The simplest thing I could of done was made the blade go into my skin. Many times I had thought of this but never really went through with it. Knowing simply that I cared for my body...I was attached to it.



Suddenly out of no where...the raven appears. It stares at me with its mystical glare. I ask..."take this pain away, help me get over the loss." I kept saying it over and over until the raven spoke. He said "you know the only way, you have thought of it many times." I then replied crying "but I can't no matter how much I try I can't...I love him and that alone stops me." It was quiet for a moment until he said "Then you must find a way." I thought of it and I knew there was no way... I had thoughts of contacting a member of the family, one I never speak to. The one simple fact is that I wasn't sure and I am still not sure if he would say anything or be all mean about it.



Through most of the time I was in there, I was singing a song. A very simple song "Let Me be Your Wings." I sang it and a few other songs of my own creation. When I got out...I realized I had been in the shower crying for two hours!!!



So many thoughts ran through my head while I was in that shower. So many suicide attempts and thoughts of doing it... How the raven appeared there was a mystery, but some how yet guiding me to the right place. It spoke through telepathy. But how still I wonder...how can I make this pain go away!?

In a world filled with magic and mystery I walk. I walk to find the place in the universe of which my eternal light came from. Yet...will using the darkness transform me? Or will it distroy me? Inside each heart, filled with such emotion and complicated fears...one finds their way to the top of the sacred temple to at last reach their goal of absolute oneness of their spirit. Yet, just when you think you have it all figured out, another path appears right in front of you.



The marvolous thing about the spirit is that we have a choice. Many have thought for thousands of years on the meaning of life to find no clue to their question. Maybe its because we are merely everything in existance. To think...life its self is balanced out, maybe this simple factor is what makes us eternal. For with out life we cannot exist and with out us there is nothing, for nothing could exist with out souls. But you see souls are made out of energy and energy makes up all of the multi-universes. Which means...we are truly all one by the energy. And that there is no meaning of life, just balance between us all. For with out us or life, or even the great ONE its self...none of us would exist, not even the ONE. We are all part of the balance, even our creator.

In order to live we must sometimes die. In order to love we must sometimes feel heartbreak. In order to feel we must sometimes be numb. In order to fly we must sometimes fall. In order to be in light we must sometimes be in darkness. In order to be good we must sometimes be evil.



In all the world that we have ever known, there is a balance. A simple...yet complicated balance that not one can understand. Those who seek to understand it find confusion.



When I flew that one fateful day...realizing I was leaving the world behind. I realized that we are merely a tiny speck in the universe. Yet the universe is endless....



This simple balance between everything is determned by some other force. We learn and as we learn we grow. Only when we hurt or feel happiness both can we ever evolve into what we really are. In this case, we are not just one person. We are thousands of people because we continue to change and as we change we are growing into a blossoming flower. In the end...we become our true selves. But this is not to say that it all ends when we die because we still live on even then and as such we turn into different people as we reincarnate back to earth. Either in different time periods or different planets for some of us.





All I know is that...this balance and the way people say everyone is not the same. We really all are. We are the same yet we are different. But I can tell you...no one person is a perfect snowflake. We are not all unique in this way where we all are different because in many things we share the same things. Which means that we are not our own. In all this...we are one in every aspect of life.



We are the balance.

Lets take our selves into another world. One of our own design. One we can alter, change, even distroy. Lets begin to exit our physical forms into our spiritual yet...real lives. Let us travel into a world made out of our thoughts, dreams, and emotions. Into a place where we are in control, where we have the power only. We can only create, because we are its creator. We are its god. We can create people, places, and things. Even new types of life mixed with others, or something completely new. Within our endless minds of the darkness inside we can create a world that is all of our own, speaking our own langauges, and even living your own dream. Yet, this is not to say that the world we are about to enter is a dream, for it is in fact reality but just in the sense only your spirit form can go. Lets fall into it, deeper and deeper. Now all you have to do is...THINK!!!