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I wake up out of no where...to find my self laying in my bed. As I watch the images on the tv I realize that I am alone. Everyone is on their own not needing me at all. One of my closest friends feels like as if...I annoy her. My other friends...they don't want me. All I do is make them sad. Maybe its just better for me to go into the darkness so that they cannot worry, so they do not have to deal with me any longer. They say thats all thats wrong with me and that I am to dramatic. Yes...they love me...but I'm still alone and afraid. I'm not sure as of now, as I look at my hands to see what I am. Confusion spreads through me... What am I? I ask my self. The only feeling I get...is that I am not needed nor entirely wanted as I tend to cause problems so maybe its just better if I go away...and die from their lives.....

Why do I always go through these emotional changes where I constantly go from happy to sad and then from sad to happy and then back to sad again? A simple vibration of someone elses comment or perhaps an assumption of what they might be going to say triggers these emotional changes. It could be something so simple and meaningless...



Okay so I am not explaining it correctly. I never got over a certain person. He has explained to me about how he wants to see his girlfriend...and I still love him...I still can't get over him. I still have feelings for him and its like his girlfriend will allow me to be in through a friend type of relationship but she won't allow me to be commited to him. :( Yet she says it would be cool for us all to have a threesome. >.< I don't understand any of this and why shes that way if she doesn't want all three of us to be together. Because I don't want to break them up but yet...I still love them both and can't seem to get over them...



Sometimes...I just wish I would die!

The path of the cave I went into finally ending to a simple but yet large double door. The left part of the door white while the other black. I stood there staring at the door until my consiousness returned to the waking world.

Last night a voice kept speaking to me. A voice telling me to release the chains of my human body to become what I really am. The voice its self...speaking through different ways. It spoke through me, in deep voice. It spoke as if it were...a dragon. (at least in my opinion) It kept telling me how I had to become my self and that I should not worry about any human matters that concerned the mundane. It said only I could do this, shortly after I don't know exactly how long it was but...I started to speak in different tounges, or maybe it wasn't anything at all but it seems to be when I have these spells.





Sometime after all this had happened, I kept hearing small sounds. It sounded like music coming either from a little behind me or right beside me. I had went to the bathroom and I thought I heard talking before I entered the door. When I was actually in the bathroom I heard it again... After that I never heard them in there, the only thing I kept seeing in my head was this little girl standing right there at the bathroom door. She had white on, black hair and...I think she was kinda bleeding at the top. I never saw her eyes. I walked out of the bathroom after doing my buisness and the cat walked across there which scared my half to death lol.



As I went to my room I looked back...in my head I saw the little girl again. Its like she was watching... I still don't know if she was a ghost or something that wished to harm me.







I have had the types of experiences in the past where all they wanted from me is power. So naturally I am very careful of who I make friends within the spiritual world. Nonetheless...these types of things don't frighten me, I'm just not sure what they want and that makes me feel...uneasy. So I protect my self and tell them to leave. After that....nothing has happened. But I am still not sure as to what all this means.