The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

So....my attempts to avoid the depressing posts are put on hold for awhile. Anyways....Because my grandpa broke his hip....he's now in diapers because they can't move him enough for a bed pan. It takes at least 3 ppl to lift him and do the diaper thing...this isn't gonna work too well with my grandma being the only one with him (well...we would be with him too...but we cant be there 24/7 ya know?). Our big thing was we wanted him to die at home....he would be at peace.....that isn't happening. After they get his hip stablized....hes going into the care of Hospice....meaning....hes getting put into a terminally ill...people-that-are-dying type home. He's only got a couple weeks left and ugh. I have two midterms tomorrow that I havent studied for because I can't concentrate. I'm so...i dunno....stressed...depressed....nervous...scared....in need of a hug....something like that.

Ugh.....i love you all....I'm going to bed.

I bid you all a better one than me.

So....right now my dad is in surgery. He's getting two more stents put into his arteries (they are these little metel springs that keep his artery from collapsing...which they were before the stent is put in)...I wanna go down to the hospital but my mom won't let me. She's like "concentrate on schoolwork" ...A little difficult when your dad is under the knife right now. Oh well....just gotta sit and wait. I promised a few people that I would try and be more happy...instead of depressing...so...

I got hit on by a doctor. It was a little creepy. I walked onto the elevator (i was going up to see my grandpa)....he got on. He started small talk like "What's going on?" shit like that. Then he was like..."Can I ask you a question?" In my mind i was thinking "Defeated the purpose there sweet cheeks...ya already did" But I said "sure" He's like "How old are you?" "18..." Then he was like "wow....your pretty.....a little young....but pretty" (I got creeped out cuz hes saying im pretty and hes like late 20s early 30s...not cool). After what seemed like an eternity of just me and him in the elevator...it finally got up to the 9th floor. I was going to get off and hes like "Well....it was nice meeting you...I hope to see ya around sometime" I was like "Yeah....um.....you too" Then I walked off. As the elevator door closed...I looked back to make sure he wasnt following me. ::shudders:: It was creepy. I'm like 10 years younger than him.....eeewwwww. Oh well.

I'm bored so....I bid you all a great one!

Out of all the things i don't understand I will give you the top two....one serious....one funny....the funny one first.

*Why do boyfriends always insist on picking their girlfriends noses? Is it like making up for their mom weening them of it when they were little kids? or what? Cuz I don't get it.

And the serious....

Why is it that life throws you a shitload of lemons...and you try your hardest to make lemonade out of those exact lemons...but they just end up squirting you in the eye? Take for instance....how shitty this semester has been to me. I've tried to take all those little issues...and tried to see the best out of them. Then those issues come back and bite me in the ass. Example-my grandpa has bone cancer. I was looking at it as...hes been through a lot of pain...a lot of shit over the past 9 years...if he was gonna go....at least it would be at home and in no pain. Now...he has a shattered hip and he's dying fast. He has less than a couple weeks left. He's in so much pain....and he's going to die...in pain. I can't handle seeing him in pain.

I'm scared....I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying. They sold his motorcycle yesterday...that was the breaking point for me. Long story...i dont feel like saying it on here.

::sigh:: Oh well....life moves on i guess. I just wish I had someone to tell me its gonna be ok...which actually...that wont work....cuz its not gonna be ok. At least, not until April 26, 2007.

Oh well...I bid you all a great one...I gotta get to class.

I'm scared to figure out what else 2005 is going to dish out. My dad had a severe heart attack the other day. The doctors said that if he would have called 5 mins later than he did, he would have died. He had 95% blockage in all his arteries. I dunno....he's doing ok...hopefully he will be home from the hospital by tomorrow. He's not allowed to work anymore and he has to quit smoking. I dunno...I'm scared. But at least he's ok. I can't handle any more bad stuff this semester.

I bid you all a great one.

So...that loved holiday known as Valentine's Day sucked as I knew it would. All my friends were walking around with flowers and teddy bears. Now...I'm not a materialistic person...i don't care about the gifts...it's the fact that they got to spend time with their significant other on this day. I miss Tom so bad right now, it's not even funny. Last night, I was lying awake until 2am just thinking about how much I just needed one of those hugs and kisses that I cherish so very much. Ya know...the hug where you get picked up and twirled around....and the kisses that give you flutterbys in your stomach. I miss that feeling. I know that I'm being really selfish wanting him here when he's overseas doing his duty for our country. I dunno...I just miss him. Well...I hope you all had a fun day...I'm gonna leave it here saying...Tom, I love you more than anything in my entire life....come home soon and be safe!

I bid you all a great one

Well...happy Saturday. My friend spent the night at my dorm last night...great fun that was. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. We were up until about 4 this morning watching movies and drinking mountain dew. Loads of fun. And now...it's a typical Saturday. I've been sitting around doing nothing. I'm bored. I've been playing my guitar a lot which is fun...and it keeps me occupied. I hate not having a car...or my roller blades on campus. It's such a beautiful day today, it's like 50 degrees...i want to go roller blading, but then, the problem of having no one to blade with arrises...i hate it that my friends go to different colleges. Oh well! I'm off to find something to do. I bid you all a great one.

Well...Today is one of those days. I'm so bored it's not even funny. Class was cancelled for the most part. I still have chemistry in an hour and microbio lab in 2. I've been thinking a lot lately about my future. I know for sure that I don't want to get married until I am graduated and already have a stable job. I don't want to have to depend on other people...that's my whole thing. But here's my question...engagement? Am I ready to be engaged? I honestly don't know. My guess...is if I am questioning it, then I'm probably not ready. I don't know. I'm going to leave it here...and bid you all a great one.