20:17 Feb 18 2020
Times Read: 1,124
There is no good excuse for being an intentional horrible person. As Morrigon said, we all go through tough things. I’m going to write a lot here that has a bunch of TMI, not meant to use our lives as a competition of who had it worse, but an example of what you can choose for yourself as an adult no matter what you go through as a child (and why I won't put up with this an an excuse to be a shit here on VR). And instead of just giving you a bunch of lipservice, I’m actually going to provide proof of everything. I don’t care who sees these names and has official documentation of the things that I have gone through, because they are not my mistakes. People who know me already know these things. These are not things I have done, but things that I have experienced - and I have come out on top. I may not have a good bank account- but I am ALIVE and devoting my life to helping others. Some of you are going to think I’m on crack for sharing such official paperwork here, but I’m telling you…I don’t care who knows. I live my life on the up and up, completely different than what I have gone through. My community knows who I am.
*****
I’m not going to give you every detail of my life, but I’ll tell you after a very rocky road as a small child, my biological mother dumped my brother and I with strangers. We were abandoned. My brother remembered a phone number that those strangers called who were able to get in touch with my father who came to get us after a while.
My dad was a good guy, but he was an alcoholic and had really bad judgement with women. As if my mother wasn’t bad enough, my new stepmother beat the crap out of me constantly. I was seven and eight years old, and I had to endure a lot of her wild mood swings that would end in me being constantly hurt physically. I would be asleep in bed and she ripped me out onto the floor and kicked me all the way into the kitchen. She’d pull out every dish, pot, pan, item of silverware… And tell me to wash it all. Because she was mentally unstable, she eventually committed suicide. We had to step over her body to get out of the house. I was eight years old and I saw her lying on the floor with a gun in her hand, eyes wide open with blood that had cashed out of her nose and mouth. 8. Years. Old.... stepping over her dead body to exit the home.
My father’s next wife was even more of a horrible person. I continued to be abused over the next many years by this lady, and I had to escape when I was 14. She was always involved in major drug deals (among other things), and there was a time that I had to take a nose dive into the pavement because someone was trying to shoot me over crap she was involved in. luckily I missed the bullets, but I watched other people be shot. Later she would leave my father dying because he had lung disease and was no fun anymore. She taunted him with her new boyfriend and would come to the house to steal from him. He was dying and on machines to breathe and he slept with a gun under his bed because he was so scared. In his later days she would come to the hospital to visit him with her boyfriend and they would stand there and laugh at him, he wrote that to us on a paper because he couldn’t speak anymore hooked up to oxygen machines.
Four years after my father‘s death, my stepmother set it in motion for that boyfriend to go and murder my sister and grandmother. and be did. It was a long horrific trial, and it has been a long horrific road dealing and reconciling with what life has been like.
Murder details.
As an adult, I joined the Marine Corps and served eight years. I’ve had a child of my own and I’ve made a strong passionate effort to ensure that he grew up happy and had what he needed. I am his strongest support, and our relationship is solid. I would never do anything to hurt him or humiliate him. He and I could have a big fight, but our relationship is sacred and I would never do anything to cause him any kind of harm. He graduated high school valedictorian, joined the Louisiana National Guard, and got a full scholarship to Loyola University in New Orleans. He will graduate with two bachelors degrees in just two more years. I broke that cycle like the bitch that it is.
I am a Court Appointed Special Advocate for Children. This is a volunteer position where I take on cases of foster children- make home visits, call each week, interview doctors, teachers, school counselors… And show up at all their court dates to advocate on their behalf and ensure the best thing happens for them. I’ve been involved in family reunification and adoptions through these cases. I know what it feels like to grow up in a horrible situation, and I’m gonna do everything I can to help kids for going through the same things.
As a person in general, I have pretty good intuition. I don’t take out any of my hardships on other people. I’ve gone through a lot, but I judge each person on their own merit. I do the right thing because it’s *right*.
When you go through a lot of crap, you know how bad it is, and you’re not interested in continually putting that back out into the world. You want things to be better. And to think, I have left a *LOT* out here of things that I experienced when I was a child.
*****
All that being said, you can say whatever you want about what you’ve gone through in your life in your Vampire Rave journal, and it’s never going to be a good excuse to come here and be the biggest asshole you can be.
COMMENTS
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Morrigon
18:10 Feb 25 2020
I love it!
Dakotah
18:20 Feb 25 2020
Oh, wow that is amazing! One day I have on my list things to do in America, top of list, Mardi Gras. That float is Le Art! Thanks for sharing those pics.