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Hey guys, today was one of my hardest. I told my mum about my self harm and she just broke down.. It was really hard seeing my mum like that, and knowing it was me that caused it made it so much harder. It got too bad to hide and now my arm just spews blood. I don't know how much more I can take, but I'm going to the doctors tomorrow about antidepressants. I spend most of my time alone now and dont go out often. I had to use my own advice, well not so much advise as tagline, peace, love and HOPE FOR THE FUTURE! It helps me stop when I know I'm getting too deep. To be honest, I'm proud of myself for seeking help and not just living with it like I did as a kid, I think I've finally realised how serious it can get. Last night I tried to drown myself. That was when I realised I really need help.



Peace, Love and hope for the future.



Dek

x x x

Hey... I've had a really bad day. I've been depressed and suicidal all day. I think I should go back to the doctors and get some stronger anti depressants.. I self harm, and I can't stop. Sometimes I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I have nothing good in my life. I've lost the biggest love of my life and I miss him with all of my heart! If I could have one wish, I'd change everything. I need to get help, so that's what I'm going to do! If I have to talk to all the shrinks in the world, I'll do it! I cut my arms, legs and stomach. I cut my legs and stomach more because it's easier to hide... I have struggles every day... I make myself sick after every meal and find it hard to cope with daily things such as just going out shopping and eating out in front of people. I take 6-12 diet tablets a day... Anyway. I've told you a lot more than I planned on today, so I'm going to rap it up by saying, if anyone has any questions to me about what I've just told you, feel free to let me know:)

Peace, love and hope for the future

Dek

x x

Hey guys:) how is everyone today? I'm fine today.. Exempt Jess keeps pissing me off! It's my house and she's acting like she owns the place. She keeps moving things and leaving shit everywhere. She leaves her stuff all over and makes a mess. When it comes to cleaning up she disappears. She messes up my house and then just leaves. She steals all my hobbies and just copies me so much. She listens to bands I like and then try's to tell me she likes them more than me. She flirts with all the guys I like and just acts like a bitch. She never pulls her weight and it fucks me off! I'm in a bad mood because of her. She's layed on my bed, taking up my whole king sized bed and I'm layed on the floor. The fuck is that about! I do love her, but she's just being such a twat! My question for you guys, do you have a friend that pisses you of but you love them anyway? Leave me a comment and tell me what it is they do to fuck you off... I promise to read every one! :)



Peace, Love and Hope for the future

Dek

x x

Hey guys, today's been hard. My deprettion has been playing up and I've been really pissed off. It might be because I've been on my own all day. I find days when I'm alone harder then when I'm out with friends or with my mum. Right now I've got Nirvana blasting out of my xbox and I'm sat on my bed drawing! I'm kynda bored... Tomorrow is Sunday... Sunday's are boaring! Well theres not a lot left for me to say, so yeah...



Peace, Love and Hope for the future

Dek

x x

Hello guys, this is my first ever entry:3 today I'm going to be spending the day with Jess, we're just listening to eisenfunk and chilling out. It's been a long week, but moments like this, just being with my closest friends and listening to music, just makes me happy. So, not much to write (as its only twenty to twelve!) but I thought I'd give it a try! I'm going to try and write every day... Okay, well...



Peace, love and hope for the future,



Dek

x x x