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I hate the hospital, yet I can't seem to comprehend that the medecine (insulin) will keep me out. I've been im this hell hole 24 different times in the past 3 years.



Today marks the 3 year anniversary of me having diabetes. i should be out celebrating being a live with all the shit i put my body thru.



i hate how my autism always gets the best of me and i some how think i will survive if i dont take my insulin. i will remain ok and everything will be peachy keen. no it wont.



im not asking for a death wish. i dont want to be blind, dont want to have neuropathy, i dont want to go thru kidney failure.



my only 2 best choices seem to be denied from me. i have an option of an insulin pump, but no the insurance company wont pay for it because there is no constant record of blood glucose for them to see im testing my blood sugar. then there is the fantastic idea that i could just get a pancreatic transplant and just be done with all the diabetes bullshit forever.. but again they deny me because why on earth would they risk a pancreas on me if i dont know how to take care of myself? grr.. this health care system sucks.



i hate needles, absolutely hate them, yet im forced to poke and prod myself 4 to 5 times a day to stay alive. and after a while doesnt look so appealing. this just fucking sucks!



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