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← Jul 2013

this is really just a venting thing.
11:29 May 14 2017
Times Read: 748

I really hate that after a year and a half My heart still clutches painfully at the sight of your face and the sound of your voice. I only just untied the knots from our handfasting rope a month ago. I fucking Hate that I miss you so much even after the Bullshit you put me through after our separation, and make no mistake you were beyond Cruel and I wish I could Make you feel how low and dirty you made me feel. How Could you do that to Anyone you supposedly Loved? Where in your Mind was it okay to have sex with your new girlfriend In Our old bed, knowing I could hear it every single Night. Where was the common sense in not inflicting unnecessary pain? Would It have killed the both of you to wait a month for me to move out instead of making me live with the two of you and watching you be all loving to each other when we had barely been apart maybe 2 months. You treated me like a sleazy lay. I haven't felt like a whore since I was a teenager and you managed to make me feel lower than He ever did. That is one of the things that hurts me Most. You did this knowing My history. Honestly, What did I do to make you want to punish me so thoroughly?

It's true that stupid little proverb that says you will forget what was said or what was did, but not the way it felt. I don't remember everything. I block it out so viciously, I only remember bits and pieces of those shitty 5 months. I still dream of you, I still cry over you. I rage over so many things. I'm so gods damned Lonely All the time. I don't know if I am Glad or saddened that you will never see this, Part of me wants you to Know and acknowledge that cruelty and the other part just fears that if you did you would gloat in it. I never used to think you could be that kind of person. Unless someone had wronged you in such and unforgivable way. So, again. What mortal sin did I commit to earn your wrath?

I'll stop here because Everything else I want to say is moot. I still feel so much for you, and I wish beyond anything I could hit you both with a shovel.

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