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Cadmium's Journal


Cadmium's Journal

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9 entries this month

 

wandering again

19:24 Jul 02 2010
Times Read: 505


my randomness is but a gift to those who seek it out. my distant thoughts are hard to capture but you can if you try. if you wait patiently for me I'll show you dreams beyond your imaginings. be patient don't rush it, let me manifest your reality into my magical reverie. i can will your Atropos to weave around my desires and you'll be enlightened within my realm. i can heal your soul and transform you. catastrophes sprinkle around me and settle to the ground leaving only sparkling dust in there wake. to shine upon my cheek when caught by the moonlight. the gifts we bare are naut but a glimpse of our greatest talents unknown to us. let us go there, let us fly together. let us channel our energies and merge into oneness together. to explore everything. i can take you there if you believe. trust the beating of your own heart and leap...........into the unknown. the celestial sphere. leap into me.


COMMENTS

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Firmament
Firmament
07:17 Jul 23 2010

Hmm... Higher dimensional traits.





 

my head swims

19:19 Jul 02 2010
Times Read: 506


swim little fishies, swim little fishies



in you're little round dishies.



there's no where to go but in circles it's true!



no matter how hard i try, i still can't catch you!


COMMENTS

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sigh

19:18 Jul 02 2010
Times Read: 507


i walk alone. in a field of violet flowers, the tall grasses kiss my shoulders. i open my eyes tonight and wonder if tiz all hopeless. i am wondering if i shall ever find that which i have been seeking. my hunger feasts on loneliness. i thirst for what can not be found. i can do nothing about this. do i seek alone? or is he out there seeking me. feeling just the way i do? others have wanted so badly to be what i seek. they have tried so hard. i see behind the eyes of others, and through them, and into them. so many wanting, so many desires. so many motives. wanting to have me, and hold me and my love yet fearing me all the while. doubting it, doubting themselves. some have resorted to futile tricks, to the mind games simple mere mortal girls fall for daily. attempts to fill me, only to fall and face death by their own hands after just a glimpse within me. they crumble after just a taste and try to escape what they can never have. they walk alone now unable to find what lies in me in any other. clouds close in over head and create brilliant bands of rays slipping through distorting light and shadow. i am lost deep within myself. i do not know if i can get out alone. i do not know if there is one out there strong enough to come in after me. i know there are those who would like to try, if given the chance. but i know the grim fate that awaits them. i can not bare them that. so i suffer alone. i am left to wander deeper and deeper into myself until i find my own way out, or if by chance love should ever find me. i think i am giving up the search and giving myself to be consumed by myself. no one knows i am missing! do i hear a faint distinct voice calling directly into the core of me? or do i manifest that which i so desperately dream of? am i the fool or do i wait a little longer? no one knows I'm not here. no one knows I'm gone, no one knows I'm lost, or do they? does someone know? is he looking for me? has he waited as long as i? the turmoil of the winds gathers strength and a great whirlwind that is my heart threatens to destroy all. it builds and hovers. it turns the sky to blackness. if unleashed mankind shall suffer greatly. i try to breath, relax, maintain control, the winds spiral now into a funnel. thunder is faint, rain is thrown in sideways sheets and hail blasts from my thoughts. i scream and cover my ears. i don't want to hear what may not be there. i don't want to know if it isn't true, if i don't hear a voice calling out to me i want to stay in my dreams, in my fantasies even though they are killing me, and then dead calm, the eerie kind, the calm before the storm.............


COMMENTS

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The Knowing Tree

19:16 Jul 02 2010
Times Read: 508


drifting visions of undefined places



existing on words and unrecognizable traces.



hearing the voices that never silence



beckoning forward to the knowing tree.



can you hear? can you see?



parallel fixture restraining all paths



they decide the crossings and deny the whims.



transcending decades loosen the bolts



allowing free flowing desire



my voice cries out in multiple realities



heard by a few who listen correctly



look to the knowing tree look to the wood



down paths of venom where I'm misunderstood



deep in the gradient depths of the mind



seeping through fissures incapacitate time



drawn on in haste to my cries you can't find.



forgotten trails that deny your existence



run down them in fury break through the resistance



reach me and cradle me deep in your arms



drink me in and rejuvenate a bond not to break



incarnations can't loose through time and its wake.



blood not wholly human that flows through my veins



to know me is love me and suffer the fate.



shadow casts and colors all blacken



like the boiling blood of the great fire dragon.



iridescence finds essence of my soul in this place



turn into the sun at the knowing tree



turn into the sun and you shall find me!


COMMENTS

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Jibberishness

19:14 Jul 02 2010
Times Read: 509


shimmering blood runs from its wound



as the learning proceeds in the mind



never to fail at that attempted endeavor again



ravaging hunger stripping you bare



can you see those who are no longer there.



learning the lessons of all that is needed



from the wise who have already succeeded



dampen your ideas get them involved



you'll need them to know when your troubles are solved



awaken the body awaken the mind



open your eyes to the coming of time.



dream lest you lose them



remember them true



they are the keys



to understand you.



deep within the wound that now bleeds



the cure to knowing and understand me.


COMMENTS

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it is so

19:10 Jul 02 2010
Times Read: 510


the beauty in it all was absent from my eyes until i woke up, and i realized. i lost sight for a moment in time. left to my horror, what peace should i find. i walked in the wood and saw the great good. the return of the life within my veins. i talked with my heart as i walked along and marveled at the world in which i found myself so at home even while alone i was free and happy. i talked with a tree who straight out told me of all the worlds wonder and glory. the night with its beauty came to consume me and i lingered awhile in sweet slumbers denial. i talked with my shadow as i strolled through the wood and learned of the gifts i am to bestow. on those who are lost and who need to know. the grass was my pillow and the leaves my blanket and i talked with the stars who flew me to the sky. they showed me a vision, i needed to see. they carefully crafted and mesmerized me. they taught me great wisdoms of worlds be told, and made me far richer than diamonds or gold. the sun greeted me gently as morning bloomed. i rose from my slumber escaped from the tomb. the tomb i was wandering lost in and alone. i was set free by a walk in the wood. i talked with the breeze and learned of great travels. i must go see and complete this epiphany. so i will journey away to a place and great things will happen along the way. i talked with my soul and it showed me great strength. the beauty so pure its impossible to know. the powers of all the creating of life is found in the beauty of night.


COMMENTS

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smile

19:08 Jul 02 2010
Times Read: 511


the great beauty surrounds me entirely. i am awake and alive and thriving in bliss all of a sudden. i am delighted at nothing at all. and smiling internally. i feel the energies swirling about me now. i tripped up for a brief moment in time but have caught my fall and feel so in tuned with myself its amazing. don't settle because it is the easy thing to do, rather take on the great challenge to find the truth. the hardest thing to face in this world is yourself. and the greatest reward is when you do. that's real freedom. when you can face yourself and love who you are in all aspects. i am free now. free to be me. i no longer have the burden of what others may think, for it matters not. the world is going to sleep now and beauty lies in the deep if only you know where to seek. i don't need to be found for i am all around within and without and i am profound.


COMMENTS

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Tribulations test

19:07 Jul 02 2010
Times Read: 512


wisdom of fate brought us together. for its folly? for its pleasure? for our own good? to prove a point perhaps? the endurance of the human soul. the truth of love. we were each others for a brief moment in time, and the world spinning harmoniously dissolved into a faint reality for us. all we knew was the passion. all we saw was each other. we were consumed in one another. every time our eyes met, we saw love. with every caress we felt love. with every breath we lived love. the life that we had momentarily escaped came thrashing back vengefully with no regard. we were blind sided. societies demands sucker punching us in the face, ripping our Utopian bliss from our death clenching grasps, ignoring our crimson cries of agony. those feelingless "soldiers" of society whisked you away dragging and kicking. wailing desperate broken shards that sever the nerves of their eyes, and ears, and hearts. they thrust you back into the clutches of your tormented kingdom and barr me here in mine. all the while laughing at the lives they've needlessly unentwined. now we suffer. the suffering like no other. worse than any form of physical pain that can be thought up to inflict upon a flesh body. we suffer our own hearts and minds. the loneliness, longing, wondering, dreaming, hoping, worrying.our own thoughts our worst enemy in these times. but we hang on endlessly for just a glimpse of one another. reassuring each other at every chance of the love that remains and always will. promising each other that the day will come when we will fly free together. it is an issue of time as we both know and when these long years pass the chains will be realized and all restraints melted away and we will then find our way. the love will hold out, the love will last, the world will dissolve yet again. another day.


COMMENTS

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Firmament
Firmament
04:56 Jul 21 2010

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gSwoUgEUg0





 

Thinking

19:00 Jul 02 2010
Times Read: 513


.what truly is a "happy Ending" and why do peoples happy endings have to depend on other people. its unavoidable since we can not control other people. trying to, by manipulation and various other tactics works sometimes but then is your happy ending truly happy or a disillusiond fantasy you have managed to create for yourself? how long can it really last? and once you realize its not real are you still happy? i think not. to love someone is hard and alot of work and you have to let them be themselves and say what they want to say and respond to things the way they want to respond, not how you want them to respond or say what you feel is best but rather what they really think and feel and mean. because if they are saying what you want to hear because they know its what you want they are not truly being themselves are they. we become preprogrammed puppets. its funny how few ppl realize this just in everyday conversations as soon as anyone asks a question we think automatically ok whats the right answer. instead of what is a true answer, its what does this person want to hear before anything else. words our a great power and should not be thrown around lightly. they are more manipulative then most other things we possess. they can be great gifts or great weapons depending upon how we choose to use them and everyone should have the freedom not be expected to say or do certain things just because another individual desires them to. ppl often say just be yourself but they don't mean that, they want you to be a portion of yourself with a mixture of what they want you to be like. when you fail to deliver they unleash some form of consequence upon you. so in fear of some kind of punishment or downfall in opinion of another person we put on masks and give into preprogramming and allow ourselves to become puppets to the whims of another. on the flip side there are the people who don't even realize they do manipulating and try to control the strings of the puppets. all with the good intentions of finding their happy ending. which leads back to the original thought in the end if your pulling the strings is whatever happy ending you've created truly a "happy ending"?


COMMENTS

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Firmament
Firmament
07:15 Jul 23 2010

That is the Illusion of this learning process, A happy ending is moldable by each personal free will, one chooses to seize and the other to imprint, so generally is a mutual interaction between two evolving souls, the only reason there is a happy ending is because one is so far stringed by the other, the one manipulated choose to suspend power over sacrifice.



The duality from acquiring both energies under one souls are separated this way, the only way to understand the other half is by experiencing outside of yourself, when you reach that heightened sense of understanding, you acquire both energies within yourself. So love under this dimension us just a learning process and you must find a soul to practice the teachings. The true happily ever after energy is when two souls are in balance and understand each other and instead of having the limitation of each other they learn from each other in order to promote a unity of thought, this are generally called Twin flames; when two different souls are connected into learning the balance in a lifetime, as opposing soul mates that is your own soul separated on two different learning process(male and female) in the promise of lifetime to encounter and unify each other, this only occurs when the same soul have reached that level of understanding of each side of their learning process and decide to ascend and incarnate with both energy as one, and no longer becomes part of that "learning process of love", generally like Angelics are projected as androgynous (no specific classification/gender).



Interesting reading contemplation.








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