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To the people who read my blog I apologize that I haven't written in a few days but life has been a little crazy with studying for exams and making sure classes are ready for the fall all the while juggling work, family and boyfriend. Which is the topic for the day: schedules. This is the one time I wish are type had special abilities. If I had a super speed I could just race through all the work and studying and have it done or have a perfect memory, I wouldn't need to study and would have more time for writing or my music. Since school started this past summer, Ive only picked up my guitar maybe twice, sketched a few times and barely have finished any books. Classes in the morning, working at night, plus starting my other job in a few days, who has time to keep up with your health? I can't even remember the last time I drank blood which I am starting to realize I need to do whether I want to or not because obviously physch energy is not enough any more. Damn. Now my six month anniversary is coming up at the end of the month plus my birthday is in about 10 days. Yet honestly as heartless as it sounds I dont want to celebrate my anniversary and my birthday to me is just another day. I've become so numb to it all I feel like I am going through the motions. I pretend to be human so much I have slowly forgotten who I am, at least until I feel the urge to feed, something that sometimes human food cant curve the hunger. I forget that regular food is not enough. Ive feel like if I convince myself that if I act normal, some magical miracle will happen and I will wake up normal, I wont want blood, my skin wont hurt in sunlight, I wouldn't need to wear sunglasses in bright places. I miss feeling the sun on me without me feeling like my skin is getting burned off. I want to feel joy that a special day is coming up. Yet, with the meds numbing me and the days passing by me, how do you stop and remember who you truly are? How do you learn to respect yourself and become the powerful creature you were meant to be.

I haven't written in a few days because I was finding a new topic to write on. I guess, its meditation today. I found out a way to cool my mind a little, keep in balance with my body and soul. Yoga. Yes, yoga, as hippy-ish as it sounds like, it has started to help a little. I'm slowly being able to bring my aura in instead of letting it suck energy from others. Its a lot of mental work but I am getting there. I always feel tired afterwards mentally while physically I feel stronger. Its as if I am pushing against a wall in my mind, keeping the darkness of the pull in a box that seems to be over filled. I can only do this during Yoga but its nice to know I'm not taking enough energy to cause others to become deathly ill. I believe that as long as you have the mental capability to do so, you can learn to control the energy. Other then that, I have realized from the help of some of you that I can find ways to be me, and not lose my soul to the darkness, you know who you are and thank you. The writing has helped and I appreciate others reading my work, it wasn't expected and I love how people are interested in what I have to say. I will have more to say soon, but for now, thank you all for your help and I hope you keep reading, writing advice, and give me your support as I find my path into this still dark world. Down the rabbit hole finally, may I not become a Mad Hatter and find my way out with wisdom.

I've started writing in this and I don't expect people to read but I like to ramble anyways. I was going through clothes today, putting winter clothes in one pile and summer in another, I realized something. Almost all my shirts I own are long sleeves and jeans, and 80% of them are the color black. I was astounded by this. I know everyone tells me I wear a lot of dark clothes but I didn't realize how much until today. Even though we are vampires, does it really mean we have to stick with the black, red, etc? Cant we mix colors that have nothing to do with black in it? Like wearing green and a light blue, no black. I don't mean a navy blue, like a sky blue. Or is it a uniform that we all have to look like the world is terrible and miserable. We're supposed to blend but all we seem to do is stick out. I'm not saying to cut out all the black, but it would be nice to see other colors in the mix to. That doesn't mean you wear some crazy color fish nets and call it a day. Wear light color jeans, nice sandals and a cute blouse for once. We don't have to go sculking around in combat boots and bright blue and black hair. Yes, I am a vampire, yes I drink blood and live off of other people's energy, but do I really have to dress like the stereo type? can we just break the cycle? Its the 2000's people, we're not in Victorian Age.

COMMENTS

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Neacrophiliac
03:42 Jul 21 2014

I find this intriguing..



I wear black and neautral colors because they match my personality.. I do have a lot of different colored clothes, but they're painted on black.



I guess some of us just feel comfortable in it. I certainly do.

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EmilyRoseScott
09:23 Jul 22 2014

I decided to read cause I love clothes! And Id say pass me down some, but to be honest... I dont like to wear black. And when I had someone on here telling me "Yer an awaking young Vampyre" I still did not confine to how he wished to groom me and wanting me to wear black and reds... Its not who I am! I love bright fun colors! I look AMAZING in green!

But yes, when I was going along with his idea of being a Vampyre, I felt how you just wrote about and I felt; "If I am a Vamp, Imma change this! Imma wear bright happy colors! Imma stand out! Imma be happy! Its who I am!" And I did!

So, yer right we dont all have to conform and wear black cause our soul is that of a Vampyre or cause a dummy ol mate wants us too. We gotta be true to us, or in yer case just try something a little different! Hell, maybe you buying a pretty green top will brighten up yer eyes!

Anyway, enjoy!

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Uzziel
16:25 Jul 22 2014

The black velvet curtain of night.....

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So I guess for starters, I am a 21 year old about to be 22 who still lives with her parents because she made really stupid mistakes. I found out what I was from my grandfather when I was 11. He had warned me of the "Blood Drinkers" from my biological father's side and prayed I wouldn't become on his death bed. Little did I know, the emotional trauma can highten the sense and trigger that genetic code. Its like mental illnesses such as PTSD or Bipolar, which is what my doctor believes I am. The meds work just enough to cut down me feeling other people's emotions but in the end I feel numb all the time. I don't mind but its a boring life, no raves no parties. I work, attend community college, go home and sleep. Between all of that I have some how found a way to keep a relationship a live. He's normal, 19 and more mature then what I am. At the end of August it will be six months. He knows everything else about me except for this. Hhow do you tell someone your a blood sucker or that if he's too tired just by being near me is because Im taking his energy. Its even worse during sex. He can keep up but he gets shaky and needs to eat afterwards while I feel amazing and energized. I wish there was a balance.

How is it everytime I join a place I always feel like the new kid? Not to diss the site but already I'm a freshmen in this part of the woods. All I want is help with being a vampire and now I have to earn it. Sorry to sound terrible, its just been a lot of pressure going on right now. Ive dated vampires before and theyre all heartless and the the ones I fed on became addicted to me. I hate being what I am because, well, whats the point? Its a defect and not very useful. Maybe it is, I just don't know how.

COMMENTS

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TheVampyreNico
07:29 Jul 20 2014

Not all are heartless they don't care to control the hungry within.

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Owlish
10:53 Jul 20 2014

It's not that people are heartless, people just don't have time for morons who claim to be anything supernatural.

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