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Jolly jolly ho ho hoes.



Well it's over, woo. lol.



Friday I went to Russell's because Saturday his family was coming down to visit and to do the whole family and X-mas thing. I thought it'd be torture, but It wasn't so bad. His' family is nice and stuff. The kids scared me. Ended up going to Wally world for some late gift shopping with his brother and his brother's wife. It was crazy mania.



Sunday my mom came down, and brought Coda a 700 dollar dirt bike, clothes, and toys. She gave me a shirt (that has a hole in it) and 30 bucks for clothes. I appreciate it but,...grandson gets almost 1000 dollars worth of gifts plus what his mom got him which inculded a fancy bmx bike, and you get your youngest daughter who is in college and stuff a t-shirt and 30 bucks, which I can maybe get a pair of jeans with. I feel so lurved.



lol, Russ got me the new Merry gentry book and tarot cards. His mom got me this cloak thing that is really comfy even though i look like an indian and some bath stuff.Then my sister got me the Sims game.



So not too bad, at least i got stuff.



You know, the best thing i got this yule was being able to go with my mom to the grocery store for maybe half an hour. Yeah, I know its stupid but it meant a lot. That's what we use to do together when my dad was alive. We'd go everynight, and thats when we got to hang out and talk about things. Crazy, but I miss those days so bad.



Downloaded Rolling Stones 40 licks, good times.



:d

it's Yule.



Sad part, I haven't been able to swing by a store to get a log, or supplies.



So I really don't get to celebrate it.



I wish I knew other pagans, That way I dont feel so alone in days like this. When I say Happy Yule! Everyone kinda looks at me cok-eyed.



:[



I realized today, when we had to go to Wal-Mart for cough medicine. I hate Christmas. and I hate People. I counted seven people run into me and not say sorry. Seven. And then the constant starring just bothers me. I know I might not look like an average girl, but giving me a death look and hurrying your children from me like I'm some bad guy is really too much.



I saw a shooting star the other night when me and Russell were doing the whole cute " start gazing" thing. I made I wish for the future, I hope it comes true.



Well i'm off I'm tired.

My Sister came up from Florida today. Her husband had a job interview at a car dealership, which he got. Which means they will be moving back up here. I can't wait, i miss my older sister so much. I got to see the new babe. It was so cute and quiet. Perfect. And my niece, Who is so cool. She's adorable.



My pinky finger hurt really bad. i have no idea why.





i'm almost beaten Kingdom Heart 2. Wooo! i love it.



Christmas is close, and im still not done with shopping. Like always. Oh well If not late gifts are still awesome, because they are after the rush.





My mom is horrible. My sister came down, who we haven't seem in awhile with the new baby, the lastest edition to us. She didn't come over. On top of that she blamed it on me! She said i didn't call her early enough, to get down here before traffic. i called 3 times, starting at 12 and they got here a 4.



Lame.



Yule is tomorrow. Yay.



Lastnight I was watching this ninja competion. It was awesome.

So the past week starting the night we were at Disney, I started having bad nightmares. I thought once I got home they'd stop, but they haven't.



Lastnight at Russell's I woke up out of a dead sleep screaming.



My sister told me yesterday, that the other night while I was gone she got up from bed sick. She went into teh bathrrom to wash her face off and cool down, when she was drying her face she looked toward the bathroom door and saw my father starring at her, a shadowy figure of my father, and he turned and walked toward the bedroom.





how fucking scary is that? Last night in my dream, me and russell were watching and movie and cuddling, and he wentto put his arm around me and it wasn't him anymore, it was cold and i turned around and the last image of dad was starring at me.



I don't know if I ever wrote it in here, but the morning my dad died, the hospital people didn't clean up properly before they let us in after he had pass. Usually it looks like they are sleeping, well When I walked in, his mouth was gaping open and his eyes were starring at me. His face still haunts me and thats what I saw lastnight.



So now I pretty terrified to be in my house. I hate it here, it's such a cold house. Not warm and homey like other houses, cold.



In good news, I passed everything. I'm thinking into looking at another school for next fall semester. In art school in atlanta. but I dunno.



I'm jaming to me new Beatle cd.



Picture yourself in a boat on a river,

With tangerine trees and marmalade skies

Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,

A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.



lol.

So tonight I'm going to Kait's and then waking up and be hitting the road.



I'm actually terrified. I've never driven on the expressway, I think i have a phobia. I sometimes have panic attacks while drining when I get to stressed or scared. And me going on the expressway just doesn't feel like a good idea. eeek.



I can do it..



Another thing that doesn't help, is that for the past week I've had this, under lyning feeling like, I dunno, I'm about to die. It's crazy.



Maybe I'll die from pure shock of actually going to Disney, lol.



No, I hope everthing will be okay and We'll get there safe and have fun. I'll take lots of pictures, on my stupid disposable cameras *sad face*.



Salut.

We went shopping today.





I bought a zombie belt and some new jewelry.



I changed my hoops back to bars, well spikes now.





I think I like it.



(Macs are odd)

I touched up my profile. It's the best it's ever been I think. Go me.





Funny...





Zonist18: o

Petite Mortea18: >

Zonist18: that's a ring

Petite Mortea18: ;D

Petite Mortea18: your proposing to me on aim

Petite Mortea18: ?

Zonist18: =)

Zonist18: no fool

Petite Mortea18: >

Zonist18: I was just being weird

Petite Mortea18: I love you like whoa

Zonist18: heh, you know I wouldn't propose to you this soon

Petite Mortea18: Yeah your a smart man

Zonist18: =)





Lol. He's a keeper. lol.

One semster down, a crap load more left.





No school til Jan. 8. Oh yeah.





Tomorrow me and the crew are celebrating.





Woo Three days.

Who made a 94 on their final paper in English1101 E1?







Me.



*victory dance*



Too bad I ruined it with most likely a horrible paper today.



But woo 94

I have no patience, I'm having to download the new stuff for Maple Story and it's driving me mad.



My acting final was.... eh. I tried, so I won't feel guilty if I get a bad grade, because at least I tried. I sound like a teacher.



I have my english final tomorrow, I'm going to try to study, later, but I have no idea whatto study bc it's just a essay.



Honestly I'm kinda glad I never hav eto go back to acting. I like most of the people in the class, but there were a few, that just deserves to be beaten because of their annoying-ness.



I think I found a school for next fall, Art institute of Atlanta. They offer illustration for a 4yr degree. Im going to have to look into it, but yeah. I'll probably have to move closer to the city (big grin).



Not that I don't like the solitude of the country, or the lack of voilence. But I hate having to drive 30miles to a store, I miss things being closer. Gas is pricey. I wanna move closer to Atlanta, but not in a bad area, like before.



Begining of the year i'm going to get a job, and start saving. Hopefully.



wooo download complete!

I just did my first final in college. It really wasn't any different then the other test. But for some reason it seemed harder. :/



In a hour I have my acting final. acting? not that hard right? WRONG. Im terrified. We have to do a harold which is a few improv games and in between we build three scenes from it, in the end they all have to connect.



I can't think that much. I can be funny, but not on the stop. Eeeek..why did i take this class. Crap.



I have found a new addiction. Maple Story. Its this online game, and it is like the best thing ever. I played it all night..I studyed too..then played. Woooo.



Still no car. Im bumming rides to my exams. lol. Awesome.



less then a week away from disney. ironic a poor person going to an exspensive amusement park. lol. It's a gift, Im taking it.

I don't mind my sister using my computer.



But when you load your shitty music into my media player, so when I'm jammin I all of a sudden hear horrible music.



That is too much.



Damn. it.

You know, I swear, I'm cursed.



I know i shouldn't complain on an interent journal about my personal life.



But damnit I'm going to.





First let me say this. I HATE This society, these people i'm surround by.



WHAT HAPPENED TO BEING HONEST?



Did mankind just all turn into liars?



We bought this car from our "friends", a married couple. Friends, we hung out with them, went their birthday parties, we're invited to thanksgiving.



All that, but they can bold face lie to us.



We bought a car from them, they said their is only two minor thing wrong with, windows and air conditioner. No big things.



Well we find it odd after the fifth day it just stops running. so we ask and they act funny. Well we find out from another friend that they lied to us there is over 600 dollars worth of repair. Lied.



They know we are struggling and they screwed us out of our money and act like nothings wrong.



Well you know I'm sick of it, Im sick of playing nice to shitty people. They are going to get theirs.



I'm sure his wife will love to know about what he does on his free time and with who he spends it with.







My life sounds over done. But no it is, my life. Wooo. Im awesome.

Things have been so crazy.





I realized the other day, that this year started out bad, got really shitty before the end and all I can hope is that this last month be a good one.



Past three years have been so hard. Its like everyday theres a new problem. My life could be a reality t.v show. Past three years, theres been three deaths that all took pieces of me. Left me with confusion and pain. The mother i knew, turned into a stranger thats cold. Which if I had to judge it all, is by far the worst. Everyday I push that thought to the back of my head. She's gone, and not the same. Cars breaking. Money problems. Everything going wrong. School is kinda the only place where I can forget it all, I know it will soon be my escape from this life. Home, is just i place I sleep these days. I retreat to Russell or my friends to live. Here its a reminder of her and her not being where she is suppose to be. Then theres always drama here. always.



I'm finally in a realtionship that I'm comforatble in, and I don't have to put up walls. I always thought love made people weak. But I'd rather be weak then mess this up.



I just want things to get better, I don't wanna have to fear tomorrow. I don't wanna stress about things that haven't happened yet. I wanna go a day without worry. I wanna stoping thinking about things I can't change.