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I have been going through a lot, most of which none of you know. I guess for those that want to get to know me better and understand where I am at this point in my life this might be good to read. At the very least its good to get this off of my chest.

1. Up until last night I was in a relationship. This relationship lasted for 9 months. This was by far my longest relationship to date. Although I feel out of love by the end and he took it well it does hurt.

2. I moved out of my dads house a month ago and since then he has disowned me. Why? Because he was verbally and emotionally abusive. Because he had completely neglected my two younger siblings who were taken in by CPS. Because he needed a way to vent his anger and without me there who could he yell at?

3. I have lived with my ex and his parents since then. A few days ago his mom decided he wanted me out within a few weeks to a month. This means I will be homeless. This means that I might not know when Ill be able to eat. This means that I might not have a roof over my head for who knows how many days.

4. Im very afraid of the future, maybe more afraid of anything than I have ever been.

5. Im actually in love with two people. One of them is married to an abusive husband and has been my bestfriend for years. The other is my on and off agan ex who although he loves me cant be stable.

6. I am not looking for a relationship right now. If thats what you want than be my friend for now... thats the most I want. Maybe in time it will change.

7. I care so much for people that it sometimes hurts. I am very empathetic.

8. I find myself drinking more by the day but I refuse to fall into it.

9. For the first time in years Im not ok.

10. Im a survivor... sometimes I feel like things are to much but deep down I know Ill get through it. I will persevere. Someday I will look at my dad, look at my exs mom and I will know I have done more than they ever could.