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I look in the mirror and I don't recognize who I see.

She is different, I am different

This woman I see is strong, beautiful, confused and emotionally exhausted.

She doesn't know who or what she wants in her life anymore.

All she wants to do is give up and give in to fun and temptation.



Her heart has been breaking for years, tomorrow will make 5 and her boyfriend has not acknowledged the fact in months. She has spent her time, money and best efforts to commemorate the day, but the special day may end in tears, lonely in a hotel room.



She is 10 hours away from home with no one here but her boyfriend and cat. She has never felt more alone in her life than when she is in the same room and bed as her boyfriend. The neglect and passive aggression is finally too much to bear for her.



Temptation is present and the Devil is in her left ear, the angel on the right continues to pass tissues and words of encouragement as she struggles to stay faithful, to do the right thing.



She just wants to be loved, physically and emotionally. She wants excitement, connection and ultimately memories to last a lifetime: sadly, her lover nor silver tongued temptation can offer any of that... well temptation may give a memorable one-night stand; but she is more than that. She wants more than that.



She has fought, cried and been beaten down by every man she has ever loved. When will someone fight for her? Who is willing to show up for her? Prove to her that she is loved above all others and occupation?



Looking at the tears rolling down my face, I say a prayer for angels to keep me strong for the courage to do and cope with what is to come. Either I'll fall to temptation, I'll leave the final pieces of my breaking heart, or cope with what appears to be a bleak and uneventful future.

COMMENTS

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SLEEPERKING35
00:40 Apr 07 2017

destiny has been chosen for us

however our fate is our's to chose



tough times lie ahead of you



yet only you have the power to make a future possible



good luck.

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Blackvelvet
03:47 May 07 2017

Thank you

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POST COMMENT

I think I've lost my mind.

I actually considered cheating for the first time in my dating life.



I think there's something wrong with me, I've never been this reckless, this tempted by a man with a silver tongue.

I can't understand what makes him so different from the rest of the men that's tried to pull me astray.



This one nearly succeed and I still have him on my mind, he's in my dreams and during daily activities he's never far from my mind, wondering, hoping he's thinking of me too.



I don't want to stop my weekend adventures at clubs, the dancing is the best stress relief I have. I've demonstrated for over a year that a taken woman can have fun at the club with her friends and NOT cheat....until now...almost.



I have no clue what to do! This guy is educated and mysterious, he has a lot of secrets. I don't know too many people close to my age that don't utilize social media or sends pictures. And also not explain how he got information on me but won't give up his.



The obvious thing to do would be to cut him off, and I sort of have. I told him I shouldn't sleep with him and will understand if all communication ceased, he said we could still hang out......typical guy response I think... just off handed enough to keep a girl hanging...total fuck boy material.



I wish my friend had never found money on the dance floor, I never would have met these blue eyes by chance.

Now my world is full of light brown, light green and dark blue eyes.

Ran into you by chance and now I can't forget you.

The short amount of time we spent talking and dancing, I'm sold, I'm hooked.

I'm such a goner it's ridiculous.

One dance and we're fucking in my dreams

Small conversations and I feel an emptiness and a longing.

I don't even know if I heard your name and I don't even have your number.

You're effecting me traumatically.

Now I have to find you.

Your smooth moves on the dance floor, your educated mind.

The confidence and coolness you command.

You mystify me and I'm going insane.

Will you contact me?

I can't handle this waiting game, I must see you again.



Oooo I've got it bad and I barely know who you are.

I've got it bad and suddenly you're the center of my attention.

I open my eyes and stare into light green eyes and you smile at me.

You grab my face and my eyes flicker shut as you move within me.

My breath increases and my back arches, I moan your name.

you bite my jaw and whisper my name as we release ourselves.

I'm jolted awake, panting and sweating, I look over at my lover beside me....the one with light brown eyes.



This is happening again, you're haunting me, my dreams.

I had my reasons for never telling you, for never seeking with you.

You never voiced yours so I never voiced mine.

I was not prepared for answers.



Will I ever be prepared for questions and answers?



I miss you. And now you speak to her, you laugh with her and spend time with her.

Our conversations are just that...friendly.

Only showing a glimmer of something more, nevermore the beacon it once was.



Because I'm afraid and unprepared to admit to you that I love another yet tempted by you, want to taste you and try you. I don't want to always wonder but have I sealed my fate?

Will I always wonder what could have been?