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Some times I wonder whats going through his head. I have done something Im ashamed of. I had cheated on my ex about a month and a half ago. It all started when I went on a field trip with my school orchestra. I guy I dont like (lets call him I cough) kissed me and was all over me. I pushed him a way and asked what the hell he was thinking. My exes friend saw this and told my ex. He called me on the field trip and cursed me out not knowing the whole story. I assumed it was over and a guy I was setting my friend up w/ didnt really like her but liked me. We ended up kissing in his hotel room.That wasnt suppose to happen. He started getting on my nerves and all touchy feely on me and I stop hanging with him and started hangin with his friend. The friend and I ended up kissing in the hall way. When I got back home I told my ex about the two kisses and left the thrid one out cause I didnt want us to break up and the whole weekend was a mistake. My ex ended up findin out about the third guy and we broke up. I have promised my self that I will never cheat on my bf again. I felt so bad about it. I felt like I was dirty. The sad thing is I think Im in love with my ex and after the break up we are still really close friends. We have been talking and we might get back together during this summer. He is even comin on a float trip with my family, thats how close we are. Even thorugh Im only 16 I feel like I might be in love. Every time I talk about him, to him, or Im with him I get butterflies in my stomach. I would do anything for him and I glow when Im around him. I have been trying to build up his trust and sometimes feel like I dont deserve it. Well Im gonna go I m gonna go call him and see if he wants to hang out. Please pray for us. LOL!

Last night my 'really close' spent the night at a hotel for his marine corp thing. He had to take the A.S.F.A.B 9i think thats how you spell it) and a physical. He is leaving May 25th 2006. Im really gonna miss him. I hope to go to his graduation though. Its gonna suck the next time I dee him Ill be 20 years old. God what a change. Any way... I hope he understands how much I care about him and want to be there for him. Sometimes he closes up and doesnt talk cause he is scared to spill his guts but, thats the one thing I wish he would to the most. I want to be there for him but he makes it so hard sometimes. Oh well. Even though we are only " friends" right now I still love him because of the previous times we weent out. And I feel really close to his family. I think its so cute how he is a mommas boy cause Im a daddys girl. Well g2g for now. Ill add more later.

This journal is for all to read. this should give the people who want to get to know me an idea of who iam. First of all I am a complete ditz. Not one of the boy crazy ditz,just born ditz. I take pride in finishing dares given to me by my friends.There isnt much i havent done. There is a guy in my life whom is like my best friend. I take his opinions seriously and wonder some times if I am doing the right thing by letting him get as close as I have. Im not and do like to be streotyped. I explain my opinion and cant spell well (lol). I aspire to be a lawyer and want to go to Harvard University. My fav music is country my fav food is icecream,my fav song is I Swear, by Brian McNight and fav color is purple in fact my whole room is purple. Well thats all Ill say for now.Post me if you want to learn more.