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Why I don’t like pot



I was asked why I don't like pot yesterday by someone very important to me; well unfortunately I was not able to tell her without breaking down. My story starts all the way back in 2003 and I will explain the reason in detail. I just hope those of you who end up reading this understand why it hurts so much. All the names in this have been changed, I'm telling it from my standpoint and exactly what occurred that I can remember.

Hello my name is Blake Winder my story starts in June of 2003, I received my first job working at Burger King. I thought it was awesome I had a job before all of my siblings and I was doing well, at least I thought. Then within 2 weeks of working at Burger King, my Grandma and my Mother told me I was a screw up and that I was doing nothing with my life, depression got the best of me. After I was told this I went to the place where I felt safe, Burger King. (I know it sounds weird but it was like my second home while I worked their) The store Manager happened to be their and I explained what had happened, then 2 other Burger King Crew members showed up. The store manager told them that I was having a really bad night and they should take me out to have some fun. So thinking that I would find the same thing fun as they do they took me with them, the first thing Rob' pulled out was a blunt, even thought I knew what I was doing at the time I took it and smoked it with them, this blunt with weed in it. Because I was depressed it didn't help much the three of us who were in the vehicles smoked the rest of the blunt when we got to Rob‘s house he made another blunt and by the end of the night I was fucked up. After this we went to another crew member’s house. The first thing they wanted me to do was watch a cartoon “Sponge Bob Square Pants” they assumed because it was so funny to them when they watched it stoned that it would be the same way for me as well. it turned out to make me be even more depressed than I already was so I was walking out into the middle of the street and trying to cut myself with every chance that I got but the crew members would not let me do this and helped to prevent my suicidal tendencies to get the best of me. Well I finally went to sleep, when I woke up my head felt as if someone had taken something and just tore my brain to shreds, I couldn’t remember a lot of things that I had memories of before I smoked it, I was missing pieces of my life and I didn't know how to take it.

Well because I had no one to help me out of it I just continued to do it a little more. Well while I was working their I started to like one of the other crew members that I was closing the restaurant with. Her name was Randy (I know a weird name for a chick) Well their were a few problems with this, first, she was also very depressed, second, she was a pot head, third, a cutter, fourth, alcohol. The reason all of these were bad (other than alcohol because I could give a rats ass about that) was because two people with depression, she got me into weed even more, and she brought me down into cutting with her even though she didn't try to.

The second time I smoked weed was with a guy who worked at Jiffy Lube at the time. Well BK was closed and a few of us started smoking weed. Well when I got home I laid down then I felt weirder than anything in the world so I went and looked in the mirror and I was white as hell so I called the first person that came to mind, a co-worker from BK, she said she was on her way and came to the corner of the street and I just sat in her car. When she saw my face she freaked out because weed isn't sup post to make you white as paper, Well that wasn't the end of it, I started seeing shit and it was like something was coming out of no where and trying to kill me, so I started shaking so bad that I couldn't do anything about it. It was like I was having constant seizures. She stayed with me until about 3am then I went back into my house and passed out while twitching. It turned out that some of the other crew members now assumed that it was laced with something and their was about 20 people after the guy who smoked the weed with me.

Well this isn't the end of the story. I got together with Randy and it seemed like it was going well for a while then I started cutting, and it wasn't just cheap little cuts it was deep and it was a lot, my arms were constantly covered in scabs and it still felt as if that was the only way I could take away the pain. Well Randy and I would go out and smoke weed and drink alcohol just about every Wednesday, Well I would get so depressed that I would cut myself deeper and harsher, then weirder things started happening to where I couldn't speak correctly and I couldn't remember more memories and I was loosing everything. I had to pull myself out of it and I didn't know how.

Well finally about 6 months after I started smoking weed I stopped but Randy didn't... I was still technically with her and we were at the Burger King parking lot right after the restaurant was closed. Neither of us worked that night, but we wanted to see who was their, we walked their from my house. We got their and we were cold so the guy from Jiffy Lube was their and he said we could stay in his car and do what ever he didn't care. So we got into his care and I just held her tight, Well a song came on the radio that I'm no longer able to listen to because I'm scared it might do to me what it did to her. We were listening and singing it. Randy jumped out of the car, and pulled out a knife and was walking away. I ran and caught up with her and asked what was wrong. She said that she was going to kill herself unless I got someone else to come over and say they cared about her. She exclaimed that she cares about me a lot she even thinks she loves me but I had to do this for her. Then she took the blade and came close to cutting her wrists but my instincts took over and I talked her to the ground and got the knife out of her hands and yelled for help three BK employees came and so did the guy from Jiffy Lube. After that she tried to use a lighter on herself to burn herself and I used a pressure point to get it out of her hands and we got her into the back of a truck and put a blanket on her and I held her down so she didn't go anywhere. I will never forget the look of pain on her face when I got the lighter and knife out of her hands. It scared me and hurt me at the same time I understood that I was doing what I thought was right which was saving her life.

Well after this happened my manager called 911 and she said she did it because it was getting too bad. the police got their and we all gave them our names and I had to explain what happened, well I walked to the other side of the building and started balling, I came out 5 minutes later and they said I needed to stay out their because the police man might need to get more information from me. Finally they put my g/f at the time in the police car and took her to the closest mental hospital, it turned out she had 3 times the legal amount of alcohol in her system and she had been smoking weed that night which caused her to flip out. It caused her to come close to taking her own life. I only saw her one last time after that and never again.

This isn't the whole story but some of it is just too difficult to get into the stuff that I told you is hard enough but I'm going to explain why all of this hurts so much and why all illegal drugs are my worst enemies.

Drugs have taken a lot away from me, they have taken away some of my best friends, and they have torn me apart from the one's I love. What you need to understand is that the person who does the drugs loses what they had from the past, they are literally taking away the life from their lungs and throwing it away like it doesn't matter. Drugs tear apart families and tear apart love, and hope. I hope you can understand this. It causes people to do what they wouldn't do in other cases it makes people crazy and makes people scared. Illegal drugs scare me and make me hate the world. I understand that their are some who use it for medical reasons but I don't approve of any other use of it. You see people get shot over dugs, you see families being thrown into poverty because of drugs, you see children get taken away from their families, and you see street corners blown away because of the profit a Nation made because of drugs. We may be a free Nation but don't take it for nothing, use this freedom to your advantage it's here take it and use it for the best of what we have. Don't throw it away please don't. If you want to know my anti drug, well it happens to be life, not wanting to screw up, not wanting to be hurt again, and wanting true love.

The person who asked me why I was so against drugs says she stopped doing them for me and I say that, that is the strongest thing she has done, she also says that if it weren’t for me she would have become a total druggie and wouldn't have been able to be pulled out of it and she thanks me for the help. Yet she calls the days in which she did drugs "The Good Old Days" if that’s true then obviously I'm not doing something right... if the days where she got fucked up and did things that she regrets are the "Good Old Days" then what am I doing wrong. Listen I love her more than life in itself in fact I'm engaged to her because I want to be by her side for the rest of my life! All I ask, all I pray for, all I wish and hope for, is for her to stay clean and for us to be able to as they would say "Live happily ever after"

Well this is my reason why I hate drugs, and I hope you can understand it was hard enough to tell you this much and I would not be able to stand telling the rest of the story but I will tell you this, I came inches from death at least 20 times during that 6 month period. Drugs scare me and make me angry, and upset.