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Like always really. I know that it’s not just me that gets this way when the moon if full. Were all your senses are running wild and hot. Well…I thought to find some relief, how ever small. Someone to cool my blood and loss myself in for a night but all I found way more frustration. I’m not even going to put myself through the agony of reliving it by getting into details. Like my uncial loved to say, “stay on the porch if you know you can’t run with the big dogs” No, I’m not one of those women that think size is everything, I’m not even referring to that. My problem is men that lack the skills to back up all the talk they do.Then again …maybe it’s me. Maybe I have set my standers to high for him, I expected to much. Yet…I know standers and expectations are not outrageous or imposable to meat, for they have been before. My friends tell me that this is what I get for take a man that surpassed the skills of average men for my first lover. God knows there was nothing average about him at all. His type of loving is like a drug lol sounds funny but there is no other word for it. Just like more drugs I became addicted to it, he turned an innocent girl into this wild, insatiable wanton that I find myself to be now. But he also succeeded in making me very hard to please. It’s like no one can match him, no one can bring out what he did in me, no one can make me come alive with the light of a full moon. Though I still long for that freedom of nights like that. Oh well, I guess there is always next full moon right.

Where all these thought, emotions, and pictures in my head began to weave themselves together like some odd spider wed. It was sort of like a really bad trip. There were so many thought coming and going at once, some so fast I couldn’t even process there meaning and others going so agonizingly slow that I wanted to pull out my hair and scream. Flashes of color and light so bright and blinding it was like being hit with a sledgehammer right to the back of the head. All of the emotions that I kept inside me seemed to be pounding against my chest and quizzing my heart so tightly, trying to get out that I couldn’t breath.



As if all of this was not enough to bring my to my knees, something happened. Things began to slowly unravel and shrink away, just like a spider wed would do if you held a flame to it. But this was no flame, more like a shadow that began to come over me. Now, I am not one to fear the darkness more less a shadow, however big or small. But this is not the first time I’ve came across this particular shadow, there for I knew what lurked there and I fear it 10 times more then what I just went through.



The shadow brat with it nothingness. Not the nothingness like what you would find in death, death would be merciful compared to this. Oh you live and breath like everyone else, but are robed of all thoughts and emotions, numb to everything, unable to enjoy anything at all. You feel for nothing and no one, you are not even given the simple pleaser of loathing others. Like I said, I’ve been there before. I has stepped into that shadow looking for the relief and peace that I usually find in the darkness but I didn’t even find that. This time I was almost crushed by the weight of fear from the dark I so loved as it crept ever so closer to me. I found myself pressed face down to the cold floor surrounded by growing shadows bracing myself for the inevitable and doing something I thought I would never do. Praying for the light of day.

It feels like ages since I’ve been with a man that gave more then some corny pick-up line, a few drinks and 20 minutes of….. what ever the hell you would like to call what they do in bed. *rolling eyes and sigh* I remember a time when a man could still your breath away with a smile. Could look at you in such a way that it was almost like a cores, and Oh My God, to actually have them do so….*sensual shiver* There was nun of this looking at your tits and grabbing your ass like it is now. Those type of men that have that confidence like a dominant predator watching your every move from across the room. Maybe it’s just me but there is something about it that worms my blood. I remember the fun of being chased, spending all night knowing he’s looking at you, watching, waiting for just the right time to make his move. *wicked smile* Then you let him catch you…or, if you’re luck….you get cot. That was always my fav to be cot unexpectedly , and backed into a dark corner with no one around to disturb. But now days, like children this men become board and distracted after only a few moments and wanted off the something new and easy. I miss the soft words and genital touches that make your heart race, your skin tingling, and got you thinking to yourself, “ Damn, if he can make me feel like this in a public place, I wonder what he can do in private.” And God fobbed that you should get all the way hoe only to find out you a lazy, selfish man on your hands. I think that if I get another one of those I will scream until I can’t scream anymore. What ever happen to those men that where in no rush to start taking off clothes, you know, the ones that tuck the time to saver the look of you, the feel of your skin, taste of you lips. lol I’ve even had a few that loved the sent of my hair and skin. Yeah I laugh about it now but back then it have me weak in the knees with wanting. Then being the shy rabbit that I am, there is nothing like a man that knows how to take control. The type of guy that can get you to try things you wouldn’t even dare dream about and have you waking up in the morning with only the soft ace of your body to tell you that it was no dream at all. *sigh* Those were the days or I should say, nights. Now it seems no more then sweet fantasies that linger in the back if my mind and long to be brat back to life.

I’ve finely got around to re-doing my profile, and I got some really good pics to. It tuck me long enough but….I’m happy with how it came out. Though there is still a lot more that I’m going to add to it once I get the time.