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Okay..I just found this out...

NOw life just got worse.

Nikki's mom just got put into the hospital. She had a major asthma attack and almost died of suffocation. Little Tony is failing all of his classes..

My dad's foot isn't healing right...grr...

I have to go to another fucking neurologist for my headaches...they have become more extreme..they think its another blood clot on the brain...I think its just stress...but no..no one listens to me.

I'm getting harassed daily by customers at work...its gotten so bad that I have had to ask a few police officers to keep an eye on the kiosk.

My mom's blood pressure has been really bad. My grandfather had to go to surgery for his heart. My aunt Gina just had another Brain annurism.

My dog, Kusanagi got shot.

My mom is making me get rid of Shugo...GRRRRRRR...

Someone just shoot me now and get me out of this misery!!!!!!



The only thing i have to look forward to is 6 months away...

Ben!!!!!COME HOME SAFELY FROM IRAQ!!!!

I have begun to lose the will to even get up in the morning. The only man that I have felt like I could give my very being to...he will not acknowledge that fact.

I understand that he has been hurt. He leads me on...I have known him for years. I thought he was gone from me forever. Then he just shows back up. When i saw him..I think my heart skipped a beat. We spent so much time together for a while. It was like heaven.

Now though...it is hard to even get him to talk to me. He won't even give me a reason..I don't want to bother him..by calling him all the time.

I would rip out my own heart if he so desired. Love, this is such a foolish emotion..and here it is that i've seemed to be caught up in its web.

Nyx have mercy on my pitiful soul.

At work yesterday...I saw alot of people from last year...that's not a problem. I talked to alot of them..and it was fun.

But yesterday..close to closing time, I saw someone that i thought i would never see again. I was happy:) He walked past and i called his name.

He waited on me and we left after work. We went to the park to see the stars. We walked to the other end, in the woods. We talked for over an hour. I enjoyed being near him. I had forgotten his scent. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and never let go. It was wierd. He is the only guy that can come into and outof my life and no matter what I always feel the same. We cuddled for a while...looking at the stars. It was amazing.

The scent of his hair..his skin...it was with me for a while. I got to feed off of some of his energy last night...of course he didn't know. I don't think its love. and i know its not lust...just maybe infatuation.

I hope he stays in my life for a while..not just a day. WWWWWHHHHHHAAAAA

I am in a hotel. Night has just fallen. The hotel is one of those...cathedral like ones. Its beauty is breath taking. Its the night of a full moon.

There is a man at the end of a hall...The light hits him, he smiles and walks away.



I think nothing more of him. I go down a long flight of stairs. There is a cafe, in the lobby. I enter, get my food...there is the guy. He is sitting with a group of men. All of them are older. I get a look at him. Tall, tan, long hair, green eyes. Breath taking.

He catches my eye, i turn from him.

He gets up, they all do. They walk out.



I eat. I get up to head to my room. Top floor. Its dark....as i near my room there he is...he smiles and extends his hand.."come to me" "find me"..."its meant to be" i walk towards him..he smiles

I wake up

Hmm..had the same dream. Found 2 more bruises. hmm..I'm soo sleepy. Priss has been driving me mad...



I wrote somemore in my novel. Still can't figure out who to kill next...lol



I also had a dream last night...i woke up in a cold sweat and hid under the covers...i was being attacked by magnets...lol



what is wrong with me...??

What is the meaning...getting up everyday...going through the same routin..



I have died 3 times for ____sakes...

This sucks...i'm stuck here.....ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!





i was in the hospital agian for internal bleeding...my head has been pounding sooo bad...

Dreams are keeping me awake...always the same dream...



its driving me crazy...who is he?? why is he always there??? where is there and how do I get there?..





some body help me