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So again im writing on here not sure if anyone else reads anything I write but I like to get out what's on my mind.



I have been thinking alot lately where my life is going what are my plans for the future, but ive come to the decision that im the type of person that does not plan ahead.



I dont care If I have my own house, if I have the perfect home and what not, as long as I have a job that I kinda like "even thou I hate my current one" and a roof above my head I dont see the point in saving for the future.



See people tell me you never will know what the future brings but they told me this 10 years ago and I had an idea of what it would bring and so far its been right. So if I have seen my future now then do I really need to prepare for it. Seems better to just let it come on its own free will.



So on to regrets, I find my self wishing I had met certain people later in my life so maybe I could of grasped how much influence they would have on me. How much I cared and needed them and still want and need them. I regret alot of things but dont regret what has become of the chances I gave up. Maybe its for the best but it hasn't ever felt like that.



If I could go back there are things I would change not the time spent but the time not spent. Because only now when I know its gone can I truly see how much I loved it and them.

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DestroyingAngel
04:26 Sep 21 2010

Never regret anything in the past...

It shapes who we are right now and what is to come...

In a way it's our future. We just didnt know that then.

*hugggss*

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So went to my nephews Bday party, wasn't as bad as I thought it would be lol mostly because i was was taking the piss out of the crazy blonde women dressed as a pirate. All she played was dance anthems, and then tried to do thriller lol



So all in all not the worst weekend , this morning I was really angry for some reason not so much now but it resulted in me shouting alot of evil shit at people and destroying a 4ft fan by smashing it up a wall until it become a thousand little pieces. Why you may ask im not sure, built up anger maybe but it didn't stop there threw some shit around the place then had to go out to the nephews party.



This built up anger is becoming a problem lately giving up weed hasn't helped, seems it was keeping me sane and calm now the dam is breaking and the floods coming. So thinking about getting some weed see if that mellows me out at bit. This week is going to be frustrating to say the least with fucktards at work taking days off sick when they fucking aint, and people booking days off its not going to be the best of weeks.



Not to mention next month my mom having to have her operation for hip replacement meaning that ill be waken all times during the night to take her to the toilet and the fact my brother doesn't spend any time here any more means im pretty much left alone to do it.



Im sure either by the end of this month or the begging of next im going to hit the breaking point and someone is going to get the brunt of it and that's probably going to change things in my life completely.



Anyone else just felt like they want to be so selfish and just put everyone else behind them and have a life without there family, and is it wrong that I might even consider doing this.



Just dont think I can take much more of this.



Anyways laterz all, reply :)

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DestroyingAngel
08:42 Sep 16 2010

Dude, Im sorry to hear that your mom has to have that done. I know....taking care of somebody like that is noooo picnic. It sucks ass but it's awsome that you're gonna help her out when she needs it. Dont stress the weed man, I've told you...it's theraputic and calming *giggles*

I guess Hulk really smashed that fan, huh? HULK SMASSSSSH! lol.

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So ordered some food , it came it was wrong...



Seriously i cant seem to understand dhow fucking hard it is to get a food order correct, i mean its not fucking rocket science. Got worse took it up stairs, opened it they put in the box upside down... the fucker fell out on the floor... Thats £10 down the fucking drain.. well the floor.



So yeah feel fucking great not the food that pisses me off the waste of fucking money and the waste of fucking sperm in who ever took my order.



So other than today has been same old shit just another date on top of it, keep seeing this 9/11 stuff every where and before any of you say anything im British I didn't really feel anything about it.



So have this feeling of wanting to punch the shit out of something, but just going to push that back down, lol go to my happy place which in my case is destroying a take away with a petrol bomb.



So looks like its bean on toast... that just makes me worse lol



Fucking brilliant day cant wait till tomorrow oh yes... a whole day with the a half brother whos a fucking cunt, and nephew I really dont want to know... family is such a drag but some reason you have to fucking stick with them sigh.



So to take a page out of a good friends journal



How I feel right now:



Angry

Hungry

Destroying something beautiful

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DestroyingAngel
21:22 Sep 11 2010

let me guess...*trying to surpress lunatic giggles*

They fucked up your chewna fish sammich again? lmao....*ducks*

Im sorry you're having a crap ass day, dude. Want me to beat the delivery dude with brass knuckles?

*hugs*

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So im getting to the point now when im actually going to go on a rampage and kill everyone on a public transport system. Seems the only thing that was ever keeping me sane was the massive amounts of Distrubed pouring into my ears through my earphones... now there broke and i have to listen to every fucking persons life going on around me.



Assholes talking like wankers on the phone spurting shit about other people, fucking kids crying, parents that shouldn't be parents pretending there life doesn't suck balls so much. I fucking hate kids crying not so much my nephew because hes family but other its like fucking nails on chalk board. I seriously felt like killing the driver and ramming the bus 100 fucking miles per hour into a tree.



And in England there are these "coloured lads" who think there from fucking Compton or something walking down the fucking bus like they just shit them selves with there fucking pants half way round there ankles, Shit comes out of them like "blood, you gonna role that shit son" im sitting there thinking wtf went wrong in this kids head, his mom and dad are probably fucking bankers or something fucking wannabe American fucking gang-bangers. One even gets up goes over to this guy whos been looking at him saying "ill fuck you up son", im sitting there thinking this fucking ass fucker of human being would probably fall on his fucking ass from his trousers round his ankles before he could get a single fucking punch off. Fucking dumb shit,



So moving on work, oh yeah another fucking place i want to burn down with every fucking person still in there bunch of fucking inbred twats. I swear if i hear my fucking name said once more "jono help me" "jono do this" "jono why haven't you done that" im going to take the phone ram it up there fucking ass, pour fucking gas over there fucking heads set them on fire, and take a shit on there ashes. Seems no one in this fucking place can seem to learn a single new fucking thing, i explain to them over and over and nothing gets stuck in there marsh mellow fucking head.



In other news i think i have a problem with hate, i seem to find hate in everything in my life these days not one fucking moment goes by that i don't fucking hate something.



New found hate for today "single look judgement" aint they a fucking pile of horse shit, you walk into a place someone takes one look and in that one fucking split second they already think they know every single fucking thing they need to, to make a judgement on you. You know what they need someone behind them with a pump action shotgun to blow there fucking head off as soon as the thought comes in to there head, fucking Assholes.



So nothing seems good at the moment, being trying to get on the phone with an old friend i really i want to rekindle with but seems im shit out of luck there as well, i think there is some higher power bending me over and fucking me with the cosmic power of the universe repeating in my ear, take it you bitch you know you want to.



Why gods sits back with a Video camera jerking offing with satans finger in his ass.



So maybe i pay too much attention to the world around me but soon you have to realize how fucked up being around people really is, this is why the only solem moment in my day is when im laying in bed in the darkness with my own thoughts, this is why i love the dark, its quiet peaceful, and most of the time not full of ass fucking morons.



P.S If you want to judge me from what ive written in a bad way, then please see the paragraph about the shot gun and do you and us a favour, Fucktard. To all the rest, let me know your thoughts.

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DestroyingAngel
11:08 Sep 04 2010

Ahhhhhh yes, the flood of bullshit while you are on public transit. Fragments of people's life spilling over into yours when it's already too full. Sucks apart of your soul away. That split second glance......I wondered if anybody else felt the same. Makes you wanna beat people blind sometimes. I dont believe you have a problem with hate, Jon. I do believe that you are burned out. We need to have tea together. We'll share a hookah. lol....

*hugggss*

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