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I had a stomach upset this morning, yet felt well enough, just half an hour ago, to enjoy the apple-pie I'd made.



"Damn good pie," as Agent Cooper would have said.

I was given some really good-looking cooking apples, so this morning decided to use them and make an apple-pie. Boy was that a good and bad idea.

As it sits there a beautiful golden brown, waiting to be cut into, I’m glad I went to the effort, but do wish I’d put in a little bit more preparation, as it seems it’s one thing to know how to do something, while the application is entirely different.

I’d only made three mistakes, but each frustrated me.

The worst mistake had been when I’d learnt I’d not enough flour to lay down for rolling out the pastry.

So, I’d nipped next door, to borrow some, just as the fellow came round to read the meters. Then just as the fellow called next door, to read theirs, the door was opened, and he’d found me standing there, talking with the neighbour.

“Haven’t I seen someone looking just like you next-door?” He’d said and I’d just loved the double-take on his face, as he said it.

Wonderfully warm in the room in the back, as I sit listening to a Chinese lady singing on the show ‘Orient Express.’

Just an hour ago, or so I awoke from a doze, to listen to the rain blatter the bedroom window, as I lay there, thinking how good it sounded.

I’d then ended up cursing digital reception, as the signal broke up, just prior the second part of the television dramatisation of ‘Fanny Hill.’

I can only hope the signal reception is better at 2:30 in the morning, as the early morning reception of BBC4 so often is.

Then I’d plodded through to give my Father documentary, I’d recorded for him, about the recent financial crisis in America, that’s had such dramatic ramifications here, with Northern Rock.

Now I’ve never had much regard for the stock market and those who make money of the backs of others, so sat with interest, to watch the beginning of the documentary, that dealt with sub-prime mortgages and the way in which so many have lost their homes, due to the way in which they’d been so easily lent, with interest rates that have hurt so many. It’d meant something to me, as when Deborah Jones left with my best friend, to eventually marry him, I’d tried to hold onto the home, only to lose it, having learnt the hard way, that I’d not sufficient funds to maintain a mortgage that had been designed for two wages. Unfortunately, I’d lost my home: and not been able to watch the documentary with my Father. Yet, I’m determined to watch it tomorrow and probably cry a little, for all those that had been hurt by the dubious practice of lending to those who can’t afford what’s been pushed to them, including myself.

For some strange inexplicable reason, I had to explain what I’d meant..



“awkward buggers.. cupboards.. hunting parties go to B&Q, come back with flatpax and spent hours puzzling over them.”



Translation:



D.I.Y. flatpack furniture that people have trouble putting together.

Got up early to go for my blood-test and missed the worst of the showers on my return, by standing awhile in the doctors reception: yet I did so enjoy the colours and the smells of the wet leaves, as I walked up Allport Road.

Then later, as I sat before VR, the sun showed red.. and highlit the sky, with a sort of magnificent beauty.

My friend I visit on a Sunday has things to do, which is a pity, as I needed good company, after last night.

I mean, why is it that when you decide you care for someone, they live so damn far away: and your own baggage is an impediment, too often?

I got too emotional last night.



It was the last day off Summer yeterday.. BST ended, the clocks went back an hour and we're now on Greenich mean time and today it's sunny, after a night of heavy rainfall.

With a curious, almost resolute, ‘Oh well’, having looked at the page he was reading and realized there was a serious case of having finished the book, before he thought he should and decided to close it and set it aside.

It wasn’t too onerous a task, as he’d just read the bit that he’s reacquired the book for, wherein Arthur and Fenchurch fly together, to the bemusement of a lady from America, in a Boeing 747.

He’d read the passage, as the prescient dark clouds he could see through his undrawn curtains, turned themselves toward one another, joined and became the sky he saw out of his window, having placed a card with the Swamp Thing on, between pages 142 and 143. He still had to learn of Ford and Marvin, but as the man’s stomach was rumbling, the fellow decided they would have to wait.

‘After all, he thought, ‘Pea and ham soup don’t wait for no-man.’

Now, we all know that a tin of pea and ham soup will wait, for any man, or woman, come to that. Yet the thought had still seemed appropriate and seemed particularly relevant, when you took on board one salient fact: He’d just set aside his copy of ‘So Long, and Thanks for all the fish’ by Douglas Adams.

From The Times



October 27, 2007



Pete Doherty given suspended jail sentence for drugs possession



Pete Doherty, the singer, was given a suspended jail sentence yesterday for possession of drugs relating to his arrest in May.

Officers found a number of substances – including crack, heroine, ketamine and cannabis – both on Doherty’s person and in his Jaguar car in Kensington, West London.

Doherty, 28, also pleaded guilty subsequently to a number of driving offences. Yesterday, at West London Magistrates’ Court, he was given a four-month custodial sentence, suspended for two years. He was also given an 18-month supervision order and a 12-month drug rehabilitation order by Davinder Lachhar, the district judge. She also ordered that Docherty pay a £400 fine for driving with no insurance and a £75 fine for having no MoT certificate.

Praising the singer’s attempts to overcome his drug addictions, Judge Lachhar said: “You have made strides and I hope you will continue to do so. I would hate to see you go backwards.”

The Babyshambles frontman, known for his previous relationship with the model Kate Moss, left court to a chorus of cheers from his fans, who had packed the public gallery.



*



This is a fellow who has walked out of court in a similar manner many times. Coming from the North West, where we had more than a few problems with drug-misuse, the puzzle my friends and I have seems all the more querulous.

“Why does Pete Doherty keep walking free from court?”

He is making a mockery of the British judicial system, as many of us agree.

The other thing we agree on is that if it were one of ‘us’, from Birkenhead, Rock Ferry, or Eastham, you’d have been ‘banged up’ ages ago!

Needless to say, I imagine that if anyone reads this, they will just than their shake head at my naivety – after all, he is a rich popstar, what else must be expected.



After all, how could I even expect him to be treated the same as ‘one of us’?

This profile of steve1234567.. WTF!!?



I gotta wonder, does anyone actually read this fellows profile, before they stamp it, or issue it with a 'ten'? I mean, he/she, or 'it', spends the whole page insulting VR and everyone in it.



Yet still people rate him! Huh.. go figure!

COMMENTS

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SheWolf85
14:07 Sep 12 2009

ahhh yes, i feel the moral of the story.. :)

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POST COMMENT

I'm shattered. I got the evening I'd wanted and several people got a hot meaf.. and, a Polish fellow remembers my name.

I didn't seep well last night.. it happens.. but, the suspension is off the voluntary work, after the aggression shown weeks ago: and we open the doors to do meals again today.



To be succinct, our client base is/can be a tad troublesome as they're 'the homeless.'



One or two have been hassle for us.

But the church who let us use the kitchen have neighbours who don't need the problems these twerps cause and could bring real problems down on us, becaise of that, one, or two.



So I'm hoping for a peaceable evening.. not one consisting of more alcholic-fuelled aggression.

"One of the nicest compliments anyone has ever given me..."







You are as good. Hemmingway was a genius.



On 15:23:06 Oct 24 2007 Angelus wrote:



damn good author. I've read some of his work.



On 15:20:19 Oct 24 2007 ************ wrote:



Thank you. I love your journal entries that describe what you see when you are out and about. It is like reading Hemmingway's descriptions.



On 15:09:36 Oct 24 2007 Angelus wrote:



you offer a lot, by sharing, as you choose to. I like it.



On 15:08:13 Oct 24 2007 ************ wrote:



Thank you. I am glad you feel that way, because I feel the same about you.

There’s a faint chill in the air and it’s as sunny as if from one of the days of Summer we actually didn’t have. The air smelt fresh and clean and as I’d walked up Allport Road, the avenue of trees, all in Autumnal colours entranced the eye. The and back had been sufficient reason for being up and out pretty sharpish.

And now I’m sitting in my room, with a coffee and a ‘moke after getting in from the dentist. I’d kept a previously made appointment, after emergency work had been done on my mouth: and this time I’ve been told I don’t need to be seen for another six months. Last night I saw episodes three and four of ‘Heroes’, on avi file, played on the DVD player. But, frustration had set in about halfway through episode four, as three totally different plotlines continued: as the image in the screen froze. First I’d tried the Dell laptop, the Latitude CPt and both programmes available. No joy. So more than a tad irked, I’d switched the old Heinz 57 tower on.

Thankfully I’d got to see the end of the episode, only for it to end on the absolute mother of all cliffhangers.



Through the evening, during one or two intervals John and I had exchanged some comments, which have given me reason to smile, on those I have known, the creators, the individuals all, each of them a little bit different from the rest.



I even now have a copy of 'Gwendolyn', thanks to John..

Just got in to eat tea late and drink Cabernet Sauvignon, thanks to public transport.

I'd been to Karls, who records the odd shows for me and I now have the first two episode, of series two of 'Blood Ties' to watch.

I'm listening to The The, Infected - Live, and am chillin as I put up the piece of artwork, I've just finished working on, to accompany the intro piece I did the other day.. it's lookin good.

just been working on something, after doing the lawn: it's to go in the portfolio, to join the last one, when it's done.

and fathers are funny.

HP printers have an inkwell that fills, over time. Well, he decided to clean it, as I'm going to install the new birthday cartridges soon.

so he takes the printer, thinking its a ten minute job, to clean the sponge.

only, it transpires there's no sponge, as there was on my old 850c

warning.. !! HP Printers need the ink well cleaning reglarly..

the end of my day.

having only achieved some of that I wished to,

yet had succeeded withsome imagery, that pleased me.

and yet, it must be queried as to how one can miss someone, when they're not 'really there.'

'coz there not.. yet, I do.

stay inside, on a sunny day..

as someone suggested!

bugger that for a game of sausages!

it's sunny..

fresh air..



and an aching back to be had.

Yahoo messenger is a hundry little bugger.

VR goes very slow, when it's running, normally.

right now it's fine,

most American must still be in bed.

it tends to lag when they're online..

Just how many mugs of Nescafe does it take to kick-start a morning, after you’ve been on Vampirerave until the early morning? And ouside it’s well sunny and there’s a back lawn to aerate, with a fork, Yet, the dew on the lawn hasn’t dissipated, so while you wait, one finds your way back to Vampirerave, after making another cup of coffee…

I’ve just found out a friend cares for me in a fashion I don't care for her, and as it used to happen to me, I feel almost guilty, for not realising.

In the past, I've been 'the friend' who someone likes, but doesn't Love.

Now it's reversed and it feels weird and I feel so-sorry, for my friend.

A sunny say and a walk to the Cheshire provided the news I hardly wanted to hear: still no money in the account. So a blackcurrant sweet, lasting about seven minutes before it’s all gone, it must’ve taken about nine minutes to get home and a welcome coffee and ‘moke. Do the sunlight had been too bright, when I awoke after the razzles had left, I had Earl Hickey to watch: and once more, all was well with the world.

So, just now, a thought struck me, where on the ‘Hierarchy of Need,’ does ‘My name Is Earl’ sit? I mean, no money, but a roof over my head. I’ve no job, but a meal when I need: and for aspiration? Well, I’m more content of late, than I’ve been for much of my Life and I’m sure at least Earl might understand.

Yet, I’m still hoping for success with the job-application I sent off though: the one I was late receiving, due to the postal strike.

I think of her at silly moments, like walking to the Post Office or as I’m half-way through the paragraph of a novel I’m currently reading. And, I’ve realized so much of myself since I met her and confessed my Love, one of which being that I could be jealous. It’d surprised me to learn, I missed being online when she is: in fact, I like just knowing she’s there.

This has not become the day I'd wanted.

my money didn't go into my account.

It's a blue-sky day though and Ive just had a flu--jab and was told that I'm now under six foot.. and am eleven stone.

I've lost an in inch in just over twenty years.

And it seems that I need a full set of bloods done..

Thinking about Christmas, as you do, when the adverts start in October: and I realised I don’t feel the same about it, just don’t have that expectation and I noticed it last year. Grant you, I’m pleased I have my folks to open presents with on Christmas morning. That’ll be good. And come dinner, I toast those “not here,” as I do: including Debbie and Tina, who I try to wish well, instead of wishing ill, of either of them. And boy, do I wish I’d remember to that that more often. And, I will enjoy, on the whole, my Father’s choices of wine, with the meals that we have: and hearing from people I’ve not heard from all year. So yeah, thinking about those things: Christmas? “Bring it on!”

My friend called round and considering that at one time I was a habitual smoker, then we had a drought, ages back.. and I learnt to do without, what I just obtained has most damn certainly, 'done the job..'



The green is marvellous and this particular hit sems to has heightened all my senses, just that little bit. And, I all I had was a one-skin..

Having just finished cleaning the windows, I turned the bucket upside down to drain.

Came back to get my little radio and dry it, only to find a wasp on the bottom: so needless to say, I flattened it with the palm of my right hand quickly and flicked it away.

I do try to be buddisty, in most things, but I'm sorry, I can't think of a single use for wasps.



And this ramble brings to mind the fact that everytime I talk, its like I'm telling a story, I'm told: well considering I used to be very closed, particularly after the last ex-fiancee, I can understand why, a little.



I figure I'm making up for lost story-telling time.

With that in mind, the two new pieces, to go up shortly, concerning the first ex-fiancee, are deeply personal, but worth sharing, as thety do explain a little, of what made me who I am, as some of my stories do!

Thinking of the character of Belle de Jour, the high-class whore, brings to mind the one I lived with after the first ex left me for the best mate. She wasn't too pleasant, in hindsight. But then, she had been the lower end of the market: and did try to kill me.

She'd been a smack-head. I'd been lonely and depressed. And..

I was ever-so empty after Debbie had left, I'd needed someone, anyone..



Now, I'm overly cautious.



By telling that story, I wasn't making a comparison with anyones life. Many of us have something cruddy that we can tell. That was a chapter, I'd rather forget, yet obviously can't.

Got a ‘little’ upset earlier. It seems that besides sunlight, ie: bright light, overt emotion is my other trigger for migraine.

David Duchovy lifted it somewhat. I watched 'Californication.'

And boy, did I like writing that.

It’s a Showtime show about a writer, with writers block, who loves his ex-wife and ends up sleeping with her boyfriends daughter.



It was shown at the same time as a show I really 'Belle de Jour' with Billie Piper in it.

Thankfully, that is re-shown on Sunday.

‘I hope the aggression stops and they can keep the project going.’

A nice Lady wrote, knowing how much the project means to me…

But, it's the fuckin drink.. pardon my language, but, in this instance, it's appropriate.

it's not money that creates most of the worlds ill, it's bloody booze!

In this case it was one knucklehead who caused the damage to the project and I'm glad I'm not a Christian. I'm thinking some very towards him.

I met her here: and it's not the distance thats the killer.. it knowing I've wasted so many damn years, not knowing her and all that I feel Now.

...sometimes, I'd like to be blind, to the businessmen who think its okay to rip us all off.. the rockstars.. and footballers, who make so much money, when people starve: and, the politicians in the countries were people starve, living a good life, as their people war and die.

I used to think blondes were ‘stuck-up.’

A bit like the pretty girls at school, who'd say,

"I like you as a friend.. but.."

..

"Girls are two year more mature than lads, so I only go out with lads older than me,"

..

So, biology says that’s bunkum, as we level at at 15/16.. but, they wanted to go in the older lads cars.

"I love Crystal Case..!"

And the best bit is, she seems comfortable with me feeling as I do. It is the first time I'd said it to someone other than my folks in ten years.

I can't get hold of any weed. I’ve been a stressed of late: and the best thing that’s happened of late is an online love affair and a walk up a mountain. My mate just came round. Did in some beer, valium and some of my painkillers, then sat down to watch the first two eprisodes of the new series of Heroes.

I've been being a coward... I had read a book my Father recommended instead of going to the dentist.

Now it's sunny, I'm thinking of trundling.. but, if I think of it for too long, I just won't do it..



..I do so dislike going to the dentist.

I got picked up from mine at 9:00 a.m. and with marvellous weather, John, drove Mina, Me and the dog Shep, to Wales for a day out. We parked up at the car park, at Moel Siabod, Near Capel Curig, in Wales.

Thanks to a sore knee, height and me being a wuss, we hadn’t even two-third of the way up. But wow, the scenery!! The day had been oh-so enjoyable.. and the photo’s, wow!!

I've lost a gold cap, got tooth ache further back and the young couple I know from voluntary work are taking me to Wales tomorrow morning.

I had to do something to feel alright, after yesterdays events. So as it was sunny I took a dvd player for a walk, to 'War On Want,' for them to sell.

They seemed moderately pleased with the acquisition.

There’s always one, who has to ruin things for everyone else. At least that’s the case in much that I’ve encountered over these years. Tonight, on the way to the project, two customers stopped me on the way, to a) scrounge a cigarette, when they can afford to go into an off licence to get, white lightning, of some suchlike and b) to ask if we were open tonight: all of this from a young man, who got a good duvet, from either Roger or Lilly later on, but more of that later. I’d been in a rush, so hurriedly explained I had to get to the church, so politely declined the opportunity, to donates one of my last smokes, instead saying, “I’m on the way in, to help open up.”

The next time I saw this young man, the doors were open, I’d served him a meal and his voice could be heard, as we tried to serve others a meal.

It seems he’d taken offence to a young woman he maintained was a heroin user, a ‘smack-head’ and he started shouting the odds, goodstyle, threatening her and everything. Now we have to have a policy of non-intervention: but his behaviour was loud, over the top and totally ridiculous.

There was aggression, suggestion of violence and in the end Roger had decided to close the doors and give the project a rest for two weeks, if nothing else, to let the neighbours know we try to enforce some sort of control, we have to: otherwise, I can envisage them calling the police on us sometime soon!

Then, on the third week open up and review how things stand.

I’ll be frank; I much prefer the heroin abuser, to the booze-head, particularly on night like that. All hassle, I’ve seen or encountered has been through a booze-head. And, just think of how many road-deaths are attributable to them.

If the project ends up finishing, because of him, I’m going to so effin annoyed.

Having got my money I had continued my journey, from the village to Birkenhead, via the 402. Three teens had got on the fairly packed bus and sat near me, blondes giggling with mobiles and mischief in mind. It was obvious I was seen as safe; as they’d discussed their boyfriends and I’d read the first paragraph of an article in my free Metro at least five times. And, I’d said as much, to their amusement; which had produced cacophonous cackling laughter from the one next to me. I’d got off by Birkenhead Central and walked round to the bus stops on Conway Street, calling at The Firemen’s Arms for a whiskey on the way. I’d got the bus to Simons, but hadn’t intended to stay, to watch the football match between Liverpool and Manchester United, with a drink and smoke and see Liverpool lose 1-0; or drink whiskey on my walk to the taxi base at Seacombe Ferry, where I’d got a car to Hamilton Square Station. But, I had. It’d been a real ‘lads nights in’ and when someone had jived me about my sexuality, I’d breezed it off, by pointing out that he was short, hassling him the same way I’d been hassled: all in good sport. A real ‘lads nights in.’

After feeling really crappy toward the end of the day yesterday, I read this when I logged on and felt so-good.







OMG "Neil" your just to sexy!

i love the pictures i just saw of you there great....

"bunches of smiles" :D



< i love you, :) +

as a friend okay! your just to kickass cool!





~peace~

I was told the ignorant so-and -so should be ignored.

but the buttons were pressed and I'm stressing to hell and back.

I'm doubled up in pain.. and gritting my few teeth left.



*bitter laughter*

I’ve known people leave VR, because of the ratings game some people play: a childish exercise in one-upmanship, instead of an honest comment, on a profile, or portfolio. Just recently I’ve taken exception to the actions of a childish fellow, ‘Scatterspell’ and his juvenile actions. Grant you, before him, there was someone else. There probably always will be. But the ratings game that people like him and his ilk play is sickening, from the point of view of someone who was bullied at school.

I truly abhor games players and bullies.

And maybe finally, I’ve learnt how to deal with individuals like him: having calmly taken note of the actions of a wise Lady Wordsmith: and, blocked him.