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Angelus's Journal


Angelus's Journal

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PROFILE




37 entries this month
 

My journey this Thursday 31st May 2007

23:03 May 31 2007
Times Read: 1,062




I left the house on the way to voluntary work, passing a bright yellow small skip on our side of the road, on a grey overcast day, ‘with some occasional sunlight, brightening the day,’ so I’d heard on the radio, just before I’d left.



And I’d thought, as I’d passed the skip, of the pieces of lives thrown away into it, too make way for the New is what I’d thought of, as I’d walked beneath a tree, as blue showed in the sky; and the leaves wet with recent rainfall seemed to emanate a fresh scent of nature itself, until I’d passed.



Approaching the station, I’d heard a bird announce to me I’d entered its space, its territory. So I’d repeated its call, not too difficult to do and listened to silence, punctuated by the sound of traffic, until it had sung out once more: a sort of ‘bugger-off’ sort of call. And I had, as I’d entered the station.



Then as I had continued my walk to the platform, I’d noticed a lone, discarded empty orange carton, just above the yellow handrail I held: so, I’d picked it up and taken it a walk, a few feet, to the bright yellow bin, at the bottom of the stairs.



And, I’d mentioned the hand, which annoys me; which had trouble receiving the change I’d been given when I’d purchased my ticket; well, that had didn’t seem so bad, when I’d looked up after taking my seat.

It was then that I’d noticed the fellow in the white shirt and tie, with short hair and his crutches, in the window seat next to him, for what appeared to be a form of spasticity.



And although I’d been travelling late, I’d still made a detour at Birkenhead and the Firemen’s Arms, where I’d a date with a double whiskey: just the one.

Then under a blue sky, with little cloud, I’d passed through town, now lacking a crowd, toward the statiom to the ‘Pool, going through Hamilton Square, opposite the town Hall, passing Victoria’s monument to the dead on the way.



Then later, I walked homeward beneath a sky now blue, between twilight’s eve, my lower back sore from where I’d whacked it, after crawling beneath the tables where we serve, after giving out the last choc-ices; and I felt good, tired but good.



And as I sit here, I recall the hand and wristshake, I’d received from a fellow with an eastern accent, one of those countries that’s recently joined the economic union.

“Thank you for what you do,” he’d said.

“No no, mate,” I had responded as he walked away, “thank you for coming.”



I like my Thursdays.

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After watching Heroes and John left, I’d ‘made this’

13:40 May 28 2007
Times Read: 1,073




Toasted cheese; with brown bread, mild half fat cheddar, toast has been basted in a littlefat/oil/spread, before application of slices of cheese to untoasted side.

Ergo, now we have “fried bread” with toasted cheese.. *I’m long-winded, have you noticed? Then, just before serving, drop a dollop of Greek Style natural yogurt.

Oh.. yum.

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‘Heroes’ Episode 23

13:12 May 28 2007
Times Read: 1,075


Have often do you watch a t.v. show, only to find yourself disappointed by the last episode. It’s happened countless times for me, ‘Blakes 7’, ‘Farscape’, and others.

But, last night’s ‘Heroes’, the end of series 1, episode 23 that I watched with John was everything I’d waited for.. after his recording didn’t work; and as it transpired, I had a copy of it off Karl, so my wait of weeks, was worth it.



All in all, after the film, the evening was the perfect way to end the day.


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..and end to a day.

23:21 May 27 2007
Times Read: 1,084


Someone is reputed to have said that a wise man will admit to knowing nothing.

Well, I make no pretensions about being wise, but I have come to realise over the years that the best way for me to see myself truly, is through the eyes of another.

So, over the years I have sought to find self-awareness through the reflections others words provide me.

Of late, several intense conversations have proved most fruitful: and what I’ve learnt has opened my eyes and lifted my heart.


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The Pirates Of The Caribbean: At Worlds End.

23:18 May 27 2007
Times Read: 1,085




Some have said this is overlong. Some have said it loses its way and others have said the special effects are good. Well it may have its detractors, but in the eyes of this cinema goer, ‘At Worlds End’ was a good end to the trilogy; and was one of ‘those films,’ which just has to be viewed on the big screen.

It’s a spectacle. It has Keira Knightly playing a hero, who outshines the men; while Johnny Depp is just brilliant in a role he seemed born to play, while Keith Richard was darn good as his father!

All in all, I’m pleased I didn’t listen to those who knocked the film.

I’m so-pleased I made up my own mind whether to go and enjoy a good rip-rollicking movie, as I did. And my day had been made all the better for me doing so.



Damn critics, what do they know!?!

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A nice Lady made me look at the begining: and I smiled.

17:22 May 27 2007
Times Read: 1,087


I was brought up around antiques.My Father, a model-maker, restored antiques for his friends, in return for bits and piece, like a flintlock pistol, or a halbert, for the wall.

He taught me to fence before I was twelve and at sixteen I could shoot a flame of a candle at twnty-five years with an air-rifle.



Working class and proud of it, I still look back with joy, at the memories my parents have left me with: like castles and old halls and coastal walks.


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..said to a nice Lady, in conversation.

17:15 May 27 2007
Times Read: 1,088


When my Gran died, I got into volunatry work with social services, doing with the local directo what they wouldn't do.

I became a care assistant.. and loved it.

though the stress of the job nearly killed me: it made me feel valued. Then, after the trial of the ex, eleven years ago, I began work with the soup kitchen.. and those poor benighted sods have been putting up with me all that time.



As it is.. I feel valued: which is something that so few people can say they'll ever experience!!


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Doctor Who and ‘Human Nature’

11:21 May 27 2007
Times Read: 1,089


I'm doing this before getting washed; and going out to see the new ‘Pirates’ film with Karl. And wasn’t that episode of Doctor Who, ‘Human Nature’ the first of a two-parter with him a human, the very best story so far!?!



I’d thought so!!


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So, it's all good.

12:31 May 26 2007
Times Read: 1,095


I had a brief moment of emotional turbulance recently, thank to a couple of comments made I'd responded to.

I'm fine now.

In fact, what they'd said had been useful, in hindsight. It rather put a few things in perspective.



So, it's all good.


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Cassanova.

23:54 May 25 2007
Times Read: 1,098


..try and get to see the BBC version of the story, with David Tennant in.

I mean, years ago Frank Finley was good.

But, Tenant is brilliant in the role.


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On the way to sign on...

16:14 May 25 2007
Times Read: 1,100


, I passed a young bunny in the grass on the roadside verge.

that was a moment to relish.


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'All about Annie'

22:18 May 23 2007
Times Read: 1,107


I've been after this film for ages, an my friend brings it round with him, just before the Liverpool v. Milan match and it would play on the pc.. an AVI and it would.. and it has Eileen Daly in it: from azor Blade Smile'.. and Liverpool lost.

And the disc wouldn't play.. except, in the DVD recorder that doesn't play originals.. and can't record properly.. and now, I have a copy of~

'All about Annie' to watch.


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Luvvit.

17:55 May 23 2007
Times Read: 1,113


I was just called a 'walking contradiction' and a 'smart arse.' (ex policeman and nine moths time for selling weed!) Luvvit.


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..what do you mean?

20:02 May 22 2007
Times Read: 1,121




I have avoided love for years and worn a mask and armourt against the lies and deceipt practiced by those who talk of Love.

now my 'sheild' and mask have been threatened witjh of a ll things a degree of common-sense.



I had to listen as I don't like liars, and what I heard made more than a little sense; but doing so threatened what has helped me feel 'safe!'

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I felt safer..

19:57 May 22 2007
Times Read: 1,122


I am in a state if anguish.

too much to think of ~

~ I want my mask back!



I felt safer..


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"Danger Will Robinson! Danger Will Robinson... "

19:30 May 22 2007
Times Read: 1,123


I wear a mask and have done so for years. Love is a figgin pain the the ass and I'd rather be shafted than be in Love again, which means that I hate.. but why?

Is that what you wanted to know?

If you look in my journal you'll see that this has burnt me out and frazzled my synapse.

my armour is threatened, my sheilds weakened.


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Love/Hate.. and my Mask.

19:19 May 22 2007
Times Read: 1,124


going offline soon.

too much to think about and I need fresh air..


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'stimulated!'

18:33 May 22 2007
Times Read: 1,125


Discussing the merits of Love/Hate, I find my perceptions stretched and my opinions questioned, I feel 'stimulated!'


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'romantic Love.'

18:23 May 22 2007
Times Read: 1,127




Hate does not consume me, nor is it a path I seek: I understand it.

I do not talk of romance in the sight light as Love.

infantile is the right word, when talking of 'romantic Love.'

but the two, Love and Hate, in concert are an understanding I relish.

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Capital Of Culture, '08, for Liverpool

15:50 May 22 2007
Times Read: 1,128


it's not a single event.

It's a year long event, with many things going on through the year.

But, while it's due in 08, there's changes happening to the city, now.



And.. I'm not good with too much change!!


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'Expirydate' ..and beyond.

15:14 May 22 2007
Times Read: 1,129


I hope to be in another film, shot by Fiona Mahr

a friend of hers is the widow of the manager of prodigy.

I broke the dalek in the bathroom, when we were filming 30 seconds of film for Expirydate.

info can be found on Expirydate.co.uk, for that one.


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I am who I am.. written in response to someone asking about my age.

13:41 May 20 2007
Times Read: 1,141


I am who I am, with lack of teeth, bad back and going bald.

I can still get my legs round my neck.. and fuck like a rabbit for hours on end.. with as much foreplay as my partner needs.


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stuffy sod!!

00:02 May 20 2007
Times Read: 1,146


just lost two thirds of my favourite tooth.

my last chewing tooth at the back, between two gold caps..

and my Father of eighty has all of his..

stuffy sod!!


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How's that for bloody democracy??

00:56 May 19 2007
Times Read: 1,149


Our MP's voted today to keep themselves out of out freedom of information act!



~ it says a lot about democracy, doesn’t it?


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Spiderman 3 is an excellent movie!!

17:36 May 16 2007
Times Read: 1,157


Having read the comic that the new film is loosely based on.. I have to say, it is as faithful as a film can be.. to another media, whilst still being a damn good rollercoaster of a movie.

I head someone say it'sa chick-flick.

Well, maybe.. for all of ten minutes of it's 139 minutes running time.. the rest is plain adrenalin rush. In fact, I think it's better than no.2


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A Dalek

11:09 May 15 2007
Times Read: 1,162


my Father had been a model maker.

when I was four or five, I had a full-size Dalek hebuilt for me.

although we're not rich, at all, hows that for spoilt!?!


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Damn chafer grubs!!

15:39 May 14 2007
Times Read: 1,167


It's sunny as I sit here, after a real heavy nights rain.. I'm very dozy from painkillers in regard of the pain in my wrist and I went to the doctor this morning.

An injection was suggested.

Little Mother is watching Victor Mature in 'The Big Circus' and Dad's just come in from massacring the lawn, yet again!! Damn chafer grubs!!



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yesterday.. went travelling to King St:

18:50 May 12 2007
Times Read: 1,177


yesterday.. went travelling to King St:

no Simon.. I'd had money on me.. and no weed: which has been the case for a couple of weeks now, except for the little I shared with Peter and saved for the the day in Liverpool with him at The Cavern.

anyway, it started getting showery...

so I decided to get the bus home..

which is where I met Elaine, the short brunette with stacks on

thankfully it was the 402 to Chester...

which at least gave me a chance to start travelling home before 4:00 and the travel pass running out.

we'd chatted about poetry on the journey to Birkenhead.

As it was, I'd got to Birkenhead Central before four and was able to get the train, which is where I enountered Jason and his daughter, who I'vemet before and seemed to recall me well: and it was he who rooted in his wallet, as the doors were opening at Bebington and had pressed a small bit of green into my hand.

and I got home to find a letter from the magistrate laypersons panel, in regard of my interview with them..

tyhen, this morning, as my parents were 'discussing' how best to get to a particular part of Fazakerley Hospital, I showed them how useful the net can be, (although expensive) by producing a simpler map to understand than the one that had been sent to my Mum!


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a nark

00:06 May 12 2007
Times Read: 1,179


a nark has two meaning.

angry person.

a grass, or squealer.



and in common parlance, someone may say, "you're a little narky."


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A sense of worth?

12:00 May 11 2007
Times Read: 1,184


It’s the end of the day, as I begin this. Well, as far as I’m concerned. It’s now Friday, but it’d been Thursday, which had prompted my deliberations.

There’s work being done on the Liverpool loop-line and I had to get a bus from James Street Station to Limes Street. Fair enough. No hassle.

But, in the lift I overheard two black young ladies talking, as you do.

One had been talking of a contract the other should sign, which would bring in £500 pound an hour, for D.J. ‘work.’

Now I’d been on the way to help out on a soup-kitchen, which I’ve worked on now for over ten years and I see more people needing us, not less.

But, that isn’t what gets me.

What gets me is that we don’t make anything in Britain anymore: and everyone below the age of twenty-five seems to think they can be a pop-star, or successful footballer: all without effort, or any real training. I’m referring of course to the age of the quick buck, where everyone can be an instant success, or so Pop Idol would have us believe; either that, or overnight, you will be a millionaire, without any effort, of course, thanks to the lottery. What happened to our society?

Why is it we seem to venerate D.J.’s; popstars and footballers, rather than nurses and shipbuilders and doctors and bricklayers?



Does money, the almighty buck, mean that a popstar has more worth in our society than someone who makes the homes we live in? Or, is a D.J. of more worth in our society, than a nurse, who cares for you and your elderly parents?



I mean, just how on earth does that make sense?







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pidgeon hole

23:35 May 08 2007
Times Read: 1,202


"if and when someone can pidgeon hole me, it'd better be a strange shaped hole, or I will not fit it." I'd said..





"But you do fit in.. In a strange sort of way....I love your writings... your personality, dark, mysterious, yet gentle and genuine..... "

She said in answer.





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Doctor Who At The Cavern

01:17 May 07 2007
Times Read: 1,216


It's quite late and I've been at a Doctor Who Convention at The Cavern, Liverpool.

I've a very little bit to smoke and drink and seen idols from my boyhood and sought guidance from a reputed author, Terrence Dicks.

I even got to have my photo taken with my favourite assistant to the Doctor, Sophie Aldred, who played Ace.

And when my left hand effed up on me and I had helped it up toward my shouldr, to relieve it, the fellow on stage thought I had a question for the sixth Doctor.


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I'd said I wish I could see me as you do.

15:15 May 05 2007
Times Read: 1,227


I'd said I wish I could see me as you do.



the nice Lady replied..



'I see you as a man, that has a kind heart, one that feels grateful for a smile, you are grateful for the little things life offer. You see the small beauty in life, that people fail to see. To feed the hungry and to see what many would not understand or even try to comprehend. Takes a person with a kind spirit.'



ah wow.


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How arrogant are we?

10:52 May 03 2007
Times Read: 1,281


On the 26th November 2007, the most complex scientific instrument ever built will be used in an extraordinarily ambitious experiment. Located within a labyrinth of tunnels beneath the French/Swiss border; the $6 billion (approximately £3 billion) Large Hadron Collidor will be used to recreate the Big Bang. If successful, it is said the experiment could open the door to a complete understanding of the universes deepest secrets and even yield the ultimate goal of physics – a theory of everything. But if the worst happens, the collider could create a black hole powerful enough to devour the entire planet.



Is man so eager to become God that he is so willing to take this chance?

How arrogant are we?


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26th November 2007

00:23 May 03 2007
Times Read: 1,288


I've only recently I learnt that some bright spark in a laboratory, as part of a scientific project, is going to try and make a black hole, by firing at protons and.. what!

make a fucking black hole, on the planet I live on.



that's not right! A googling I will go!!


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raynards and the hands.

14:22 May 02 2007
Times Read: 1,292


effin hate the left.

I'm going to take it to watch 'Saw'


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I think it's hilarious when he does that.

14:00 May 02 2007
Times Read: 1,293


20 years ago I was diagnosed as bi-polar manic depressive.

my mate has learnt he is and keeps telling me I don't understand.



I think it's hilarious when he does that.


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