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Lost in a dark spiral of anger and tears

Your no longer here to comfort my fears

They will get me, nowhere to hide

Dont have my shining knight by my side

One of my ex's tried to help me again

But his girlfreind has his hand

He cant help not this time

What I need is the other ex to be mine

One day and already my fears have found me

Surrounding me to where I can no longer see

I fight to get out

Im trying to shout

I yell but nobody hears

I fall upon deaf ears

I keep falling deeper and deeper

Till I meet my keeper

I want, I need you to come back

Love is what you lack

Hug me like you used to and make it go away

I know you cant but maybe somehow someday someway

Your the one who can stop the pain

Your the one who kept me sane

Your the one who can stop it all

Your the one who made me fall

Your the one who knows what to say

Your the one who I loved more every day

Your the one I wanted to hold at night

Your the one who always made it right

Your the one who had the caring eyes

Your the one who never told lies

Your the one who got in my heart

Your the one who tore it apart

Your the one who I ache for

Your the one killing me even more

Your the one who had to leave

Your the one who has made my heart bleed

It feels as if Im dying

My eyes they wont stop crying

With shattered dreams these tears fall

I hear the glass break as it hits the wall

Im lost more than Ive ever been

My wings of love will never spread again

Should I tell you what Im feeling

Or let these emotions just keep killing

I hit the floor not caring about my head

Theres no way I can go to bed

Down on bended knee I question the one above

Why did he take away my only love

Who could sleep when they feel this way

Saying I dont care is what a cold hearted person may say

I can usually get over this type of thing

But with you all this love will still remain

Why do I care for someone who doesnt

Why was I always there when he wasnt

I dont want to do this anymore

What the hell am I waiting for

I know why but I dont want to say

Maybe Ill tell him somehow............someday

Im searching for someone who isnt there

I want to know do you still care

Where are you when I need you the most

Your loving spirit becoming a ghost

You used to be the one who saved me

But now darkness is all I can see

I need you to hold me arm in arm

Please come and save me from all this harm

I chase you down but you start to run

You have no idea what this has done

Why dont you love me anymore

Why cant you call me you Angel like before

What did I do that made you this way

I need you to say the words you used to say

As I see your shadow disappear

I wonder why you cant be here

As you run out of my heart

I lock it may it forever be dark

No longer will I let anyone in

Only I know where my hearts been

I lock it so tight

And with one "bang!" I put myself into a never ending night

You have gone away

I miss you more everyday

You said that you would be here

Your lies have become my biggest fear

You arent here at all

You dont write,come over, or call

I wonder how your doing there

Of the real you I am now aware

I heard your bro is back in jail

Im sorry but this time I wont help with the bail

I just wonder if your ok

Im not quite sure what to say

So are you living in that house alone

Or have you runaway again to a place unknown

Why dont you come to me anymore

Why have you shut that door

I hate you

And everything you do

Even though I hate you I still love you as a freind

And even if you push me out Ill be here till the end

I thought I lost a freind

But you werent here to begin with

You made me think you were a sister

But our friendship was merely a myth



I cant tell you how you hurt me

Or how hard it was to bare

The fact I gave my all

and you were never there



I should have seen it coming

I guess i should have known

i should have seen it in your eyes

i should have heard it in your tone



i was just a sucker

in this little game you played

now that i know the truth

its cutting like a blade



How could you think i said those things

you know that you know me better

think back to what i used to tell you

what i wrote in every letter



i never said those things

how could you think i did

after all we went through

after all the feelings i hid



all ive ever done is protect you

im the only one who has stuck up for you

others talk about you sure

i cant believe joining them is what you think id do



it kills me to think the whole semester

it couldnt be all one big lie

that you really didnt care

that instead of being here you wanted a goodbye



you really go tme good

had my heart with lock and key

what do you mean i hurt you

youve been the one playing me



i trusted you more than you ever know

what you saw in my eyes proves i didnt fake it

every last thing i said was true

your deceptiong was tightly knit



if you didnt knwo the truth

or there was a speck of doubt

if you think i lied about my emotions

then ill tell you now



at first you were just another girl

as a freind you touched me to the core

then you became a sister

then it was so much more



my brain is shutting down

my heart is closing up

i thought you were my lizard

boy was i dumb



im sorry if you think i said those things

i thought you knew i loved you more than that

always have and always will

these memories treat my heart like a bat



i know you dont trust me

and you never want to talk again

i have to warn you i cant try to fix it like before

all i ask is that you remember the love thats been

Go to bed

Close your eyes

Go to sleep baby roo

Its ok

Angels here

Right beside you

Just relax

Forget the past

Its over now

Your with me

In my arms

Ill keep you safe from any harm

Go to sleep

Ill sing this song

Youll hear me here all night long

Theres nowhere else id rather be

Nobody else id rather see

Than my sweet baby roo

Its time to sleep

So Im done

Rest now little roo

Goodnight to you

My baby roo

And dont forget Ill always love you

Take this pain away

want to see a new day

i want to be with you

but what am i supposed to do

you turn me away no matter what i try

i want to sto these tears but i cant help but cry

why wont you give in to the love we had

you act like you dont care but i knwo your sad

guys just have to much pride

b/c of this this tears are cried

w/o you knowing how i feel

i wonder ifwhat you felt is real

i think you want me to believe your somebody else now

but to that i just say how

i know who you really are and that scares you

b/c the roo who loved me was very true

why you want to deny that i'll never know

i think b/c were apart you hurt to let your feelings show

so you pull away to kill your pain

But what about my feelings your takin them in vain

Either way someone is hurt i guess

to this question the answer maybe yes

but if were in pain wouldnt it be easier to fight it together?

or was that promise broken not together forever

please say thats not true

this just cant be you

tell me you love me once agian my baby roo

isnt that fair with all ive gone through for you

after you read this you may run

no i wont get my dads gun

i have to stay strong

why i string along

somebody save me

casue this life jsut cant be

dont want to feel

this isnt real

make me numb once more

refuse to do this anymore

all night long, having thoughts of you

wondering whats in the mind of my precious baby roo

is this hurting you as much as it is me

do you cry so hard you cant breath nor see

do you get this awful feeling in your chest

the feeling you cant ignore even though you try your best

does your stomach feel like a constant rollercoaster ride

at night do you pray i was by your side

do you even think of me or has my memory become askew

are you like me and ask yourself what do i do

is it all just in my head

all these fears circling my mind as i lay in bed

or is it my reality

saying it wont run out like want it to be

this a whole new pain

it comes with the fear of going insane

/wo you its like i have no lifeline

in the end will you still be mine

you say sometimes that i worry much

about your health and college girls and such

but i sask you now are you really so sure about this

or do you to secretly ache for an embracing kiss

you tell me i dont always have to be strong

but i think your the one whos been scared all along

what if i died tomorrow

would you thank God or be filled with sorrow

what if you saw me lying there

would you laugh or be scared

could you see me there pale and white

to crying would you say ,"i just might"

would you be filled with confusion

would you pray that it was just an illusion

what if i said im already dead

thats where all this pain has lead

i hated being me

so i died inside you see.....

She stops...

But not before they bleed

The ruler metal is sharp

And she claims its what she needs



The other cuts still show

Up and down her arm

The only way to comfort her

Is to bring self harm



I want to help her out

Just hold her close to me

It makes me cry inside b/c

Shes who I used to be

Cutting, bleeding, burning

Hurting, crying, screaming



Pain, anger, resentment

Cut deeper, no contentment



It becomes a drug you cant live without

Which is ironic cause it'll kill you anyhow



Running, lost , young

No more breath upon your lungs



Dripping red, wine color on the floor

As your body decides it wont take no more



One to many cuts, One to many times

Its what came of thinking blades were so divine



Last beat, last breath, last everything

Now it will never be the same



As you die you wonder if they'll care

Of all the pain that was to hard to bare



The last thing you see, rain, the last sound, thunder

One week later..........your six feet under

The real me loves someone whose love he won't return

The real me just doesn't seem to learn

The real me nobody knows

The real me never really shows

The real me is filled with pain

The real me has one too many times been taken in vain

The real me has been used

The real me has been abused

The real me doesn't want to care so much about anyone

The real me is scared she may never again have fun

The real me wants to tell someone how all this feels

The real me wants a friend to explain how these emotions kill

The real me wants to know how so much pain could be

The real me is the one who will end up killing me

Your presence haunts me

Just leave me alone

I dont want to see you

Or talk on the telephone



You dont know what youve done

The pain youc aused

Whatever we had

Has long sicne been lost



I will remember you always

Both good and bad

But the scars will longer

Forever these memories keep me sad



You did a good number on me

My heart stopped beating

My guts were ripped out

My lungs ceased breathing



Only you and you alone could do this

Have me love you even though youve killed me inside

So I put on a front and act like Im fine

But the day you left is the day I died

goodbye, a word filled with ambiguity

a word for those to blind to see

a word thats so close to me



have you ever had a goodbye that sliced your heart

you know, the one that tears you apart

finding words you dont know where to start



ive had many a life changing goodbye

the ones that can be understood by the naked eye

the kind that at the end you wished that blade would make you die



i remember the last day i saw her

she said she was sorry her voice like a purr

being around me is not what she would prefer

i remember her eyes the last time i looked in them that day

her eyes said sorry but her heart had already sailed away

she said i love you but to her i had nothing to say

how could i say anything to someone who could throw out something so good

even though she wouldnt see me at school, around she said she would

but i knew she wouldnt visit me even if she could

the truth was i lied to my myself about her feelings for me

all those memories of her hugs filling me with glee

but soulsisters now we just couldnt be

i remember she was my everything my other half

hell everyone knew us as a pair, the student, teachers, and staff

i hugged her one last unaware of the pain of the aftermath

she said she loved me through a tear strained voice

i said whatever b/c it was my choice

but if i would have known that would have been the last time id see her id change that choice

i felt my heart break into a million peices right there

she couldnt just leave me it wasnt fair

to think of a life without her i had never dared

as i walked away i saw her hit her head on the wall

i remembered the many times id comforted her, my baby doll

but not this time, i kept walking and said nothing at all



or how bout him, my love

my angel sent from above

his heart like a child the sould of a dove

there was a time i believed he could never hurt me

and for this i payed a lovely fee

i remember the moment he said we just werent meant to be

he said he had no time for a girlfreind then started dating the other one

depression, thoughts of suicide, blades, and knifes, my life was done

i felt i had no reason to live without him who i thought was the one

how to live without those gentle hands of his

how to live without that knee weakening kiss

i thought about all the things id miss

we said goodbye and hung up the phone

i sad their crying all alone

the truth had been shown



is it possible to really come back from the numb feeling that takes over when you get this hurt

when someone loves you then smashes you into the dirt

why with danger do we flirt



cause its human nature to want to be wanted by someone

to not just love them but make it fun

but in the end have we really won?

((What can I say. I believe in different things...What you aint ever seen a bisexual vampiric christian?? eh whateva))



Bless the Lord

His love is filled with reward

Always have faith in Him

He will light the fire when the light is dim

He will never leave your side

From Him you never have to hide

He will keep you safe no matter what

Even when your heart the devil has cut

He will heal you over and over again

No matter what sin youve been in

He will always forgive you like its jsut the first time

He gave his Son so we could be forgiven for all of time

Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for the most ungrateful people

But its time to pay him back, may your life be fruitful

Dont look down upon our fellow brothers and sisters who do not believe

Instead you should pray that they may one day find God to and then they can succeed

There is no other happiness like Gods love

Nothing like the feeling of comfort from our Father above

So I ask you today if you havent excepted Christ

Get a little bit of Jesus in your everyday life

I was so blind

But now so clearly I see

A freindship that is so dear to me



Your a freind thats so close to my heart

No matter the miles that keep us apart

Describing how I feel, man how do I start



Your a friend and so much more

A special someone who touched me straight to the hearts core

For a moment in time my heart could sore



I hope you dont ever leave my side

To my heart I must obide

Please never let us be ripped by our selfish pride



Like all the other times I know you understand why I did what I did

But Im glad our emotions are no longer hid

You made me get in touch with my inner kid



Always making me laugh and smile

Always willing to go that extra mile

Standing by me in true gentlemans style



Youve been there through a really rough time

Enjoyed every second when you were mine

Ours is a freindship that will stand the test of not just distance but time



To my heart you have been true

So this is something I wanted to do

My dear donnie I really love you

Tired of hiding everything I feel

All my emotions starting to overwhelm me

As it all comes as one huge emotion

It just becomes to much

It bursts like a shattered glass

Nothing left now

Little peices of exploded emotions

Had to hide it all just b/c I was afraid

Afraid I wouild be hurting one of them

But in truth, either way I hurt someone

So now all thats left is a dead spot

Vacancy where my heart used to be

So much fuckin pressure

AHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO MUCH PAIN

Well its finally happened

Ive finally gone insane........

bang blast

memories of the past



tick tock

turning back the clock



a single smile on my face

once my day was filled with grace



where did it all go wrong

being happy.......its been so long



another longing lonely night

who to trust, filled with fright



they say get over it

i say screw you fuck that shit



you dont know what im going through

so who the fuck asked you



maybe one day someone will understand me

maybe one day they will see



i can be your best freind

or delete you in the end

if you asked her whats now

shed tell you she doesnt know

she got some news that took ehr breath away

turned her life upside down

he said it would all be ok

but she knows he was creeping around

he left with no warning

no sign at all that this wascoming

she acted as though everthing was fine

she said yeah its ok

but she crossed that thin line

looked at death as a new freind

had she gone insane?

no, hardly

the news she got strikes someone straight to the soul

now where she go on this two lane road?

shes been blinded

eventually her eyes will pen again

she will no longer cry

they will ask how have you been

she will say ok

she always dinies the feelings inside

but soon the pain will leave

her feelings she will no longer hide

so if you asked her what now

she would say......



time to move on with my life.........

ever have somethin hapen that broke your heart?

tore it to shreds and ripped it apart

tired of all this pain

everythign i say being taken in vain

dont matter which kind

physical or mental

every single emotion in a bind

look at pain as a new friend

dont fall in love

pain is all it sends

tears of blood running down

the tint of red showing

through my eyes ever so brown

no mroe time for self pity

no mroe crying in the dark

those borkenhearts hurt

sure they left a mark

but i wont let itshow

they keep dreading up my awful past

but all i say is "so"

a shadow is all that is casts

im moving on with new strength

no more crying till i go insane

it hurts to much

im feeling no more pain

you think you see me but you dont

you think one day ill open up but i wont

what made you think you knew me any way

i wear my mask to hide all day

one may say the eyes are the window to the soul

did you really think i was yours to mold

why would i open up my heart just to be ripped apart again

why live my life in sin

i donot trustmyself with you

i know exactly what wed do

wed try to make it like it was before

wed want to be with each other more and more

we never did have any self control when we were together

why would i even think things could get better

so what if i miss you like i never have before

everyday i miss you mroe and more

but i cnat tell you that because we can never be

our future together i could already see

nothing but empty love

but i remember when you said i was your angel from above

was everything you ever said a lie?

its all blurry whether it was right to say goodbye

yes i know were in love, it was a love that could kill

but was anything you felt even real?

i want to believe we could make it through after all

i want to believe that in a deep love we could fall

but i know it would mean nothing to you in the end

just look, youve already forgot about the past that been

i must let go of you now for good

but dont let me be misunderstood

i love you and being with you is what i want to do

butmy heart and mind now says i can never hold you

bye my sweet

until in death we may meet

sitting here another dark lonely night

no ending of this empty feeling in sight

what to do what to do

when all i think of is you

nobody knows how i feel

i never knew emotions could kill

every day when i see you i die a little more

you say things that hurt me straight to the core

you dont just play with my feelings but with my soul

my love is raging but you hear tis cold

ive made you close up so tight

ive tired time and time agian to show you the light

but youve given up on us

asking me whats all the fuss

it hurts me to know that you have no clue

just how much i love you

you think im just some confused little child

but everything you do drives me wild

you dont understand anything i say

but for love i guess theres always a hight price to pay

since i know you dont feel the same

and you would just say my emotions are lame

ill keep all these conflicting emotions away from you

until the day i knwo youll say "i love you to"

what if i told you i loved you

that there wasnt anything i wouldnt do

my love was like an endless flame

i always thought you felt the same

words cant describe how i felt in your arms nice and safe

there wasnt any rumors i wouldnt take

ppl thought they knew what we shared

even i didnt see how scared

you were to love me

your fear i didnt see

so one day i let you free

casue i ddint know how hurt id be

then one spellbound night

i saw the light

i told you i loved you

and to my suprise you said i love you to

i had my baby back once again

and we forgot our past thats been

but somethign wasnt quite right

you siad it was over and ran out of sight

what if i told you i cried that day

cryed on my freinds shoulder with nothing to say

after that we grew apart

and i wont lie it ripped up my heart

but my freind said there something i should tell you

so this is for her............i still love you

what do you do when you lose your only firend

the one who promised to be ther eto the very end

you once told her everything you needed to

one day she says shes never again going to speak to you

with one goodbey you begin to painfully die

weeks pass getting nothing but a blank stare

then you begin to wonder why you even care

this person hates you despises you

so you start thinking what can i do

right as you are going to give up on a cold cold night

you see her come into sight

she says to you come sit with me

you go b/c its where you wanted to be

but its not the same

not after all the blame and shame

yeah your speaking but the bond is gone

you just wonder how long

you want to tell her all your pains and what you feel

how you dont know how to deal

theres a piece of you that hates her for what shes done

it all seems so surreal'like none of its really real

you want to trust her and forvie all thats been

but whos to say she wont just hate you again

yall once said youd always be each others freind

well guess what "always" has reached its end

((btw, i dont talk to most the people ive written poems about. what can i say, shit happens and ppl grow apart.))



Everyone hurts thats no surprise

But Ill be here to dry your eyes



Dont be scared to come to me

Ill do my best to make you see



Im here and that wont change

Even when your life seems to rearrange



The old is movin out and the new coming in

Ill help you with the past thats been



Im so greatful that I have you

Makin me smile like you do



Always putting others first

Filled with so much love you think you'll burst



Your the purest soul I think Ive met

I want more my mind is set



Take your time to let me close

I dont want this ending like most



I want our friendship lasts through it all

Through all the pain we will stand tall



Thank you for everything youve given me

A sister to me you'll always be



I knew right from the start

That Id keep you close to heart



There is nothing I wont do

I love you my sister anew

((I tried to write a song...what a joke))



Pain just comes some natural these days

Betrayal it just comes in so many ways

I don’t want to be here anymore

I look alive, sure

But can you see the inside

Cause so long ago it died

Theres nothing left but the absence of emotion

No more love, no more devotion



And the blood pours down like rain

With each drop I slowly go insane

Theres nothing inside

The day you left I died

So I sit here, nothing but a shell

So I sit here, trapped in my eternal hell



Don’t know what to say anymore

I scream aloud as I hit the floor

Where did everybody go

How have I sunk so low

If I love him why do I hurt him so much

Why cant I just accept his touch

Ive lost myself along with him

This fading fire oh so dim



And the blood pours down like rain

With each drop I slowly go insane

Theres nothing inside

The day you left I died

So I sit here, nothing but a shell

So I sit here, trapped in my eternal hell



And the blood poors wine red

As I fall and hit my head

Oh………Trapped in this shell

For ever in my eternal hell

((This poem just sort of led from one person to another. Its about alot of different people in my life))



So many thoughts go through my head

Remembering all the things ex freinds have said

Sorry means nothing these days

Try my best but noone stays

Look around shes not htere

Look at him he just has a blank stare

He always did and probably always will

Always secluded, to afraid to feel

Why should I try to reach him now

Bare that again, I dont know how

He never showed effort for me

So why pretend to act like someone I dont want to be

As for hershe can kiss my feet

I just cant be beat

She had me good but I can beat this

Aint gonna call her sis

She lost that title a long time ago

Time revealed and her real feelings showed

Said she only hung with me out of pity

I remember going to her job in the city

But that never mattered to her anyway

Said she hated me and I didnt know what to say

But now I aint confused

No longer used

Let me set it straight

No more debate

I hate her now, yeah..........so

I think of her as just another ho

Boys are just like Micheal Jackson to her

Ill turn my back shun can only occur

Dont show your face

I want my space

I remember laying in my bed and on the couch smokin

Of my affections I gave so many tokens

A ring, bail money, all of my time and more

But memories wash away like the beach by the shore

So many memories attached to pain

Getting over this nearly drove me insane

Now I gotta live it all again?

Dont wanna live my life in sin

So i dont want you around me

You make me the me I hate to be

Yea we had good times together

All the pain you always made it go away

But what you took away you caused 100 times worse

I hate you because of all my pain you were the source

Dont ask me no favors

I wont be your savior

Dont try and say you didnt say the things you did

I know of all the feelings you hid

I didnt say your bitchass had to stay

Hell if you wanted to leave why didnt you go away

I hate you and everything you stand for

Your nothing but just a two face whore

What you got something to say now

Something mean, something foul?

Do I offend you with my words

Need me to remove those swords?

Take mine out first, wiat Id still hate you

Nothing you can do

Are my actions scary

Do they make you weary

You made me this way

This monster you created just wont go away

Say hello to a stoned hearted girl

Makin my insides curl

Sometiems I wanna hit a wall

You never called

Dont expect me to be there

Dont care if thats fair

Not like your hurt

Dont even start

My actions good or bad never phase you

No matter what I do

I see your aura and its black

Cant be white cause you can never go back

I have a thought of homicide

Make it look like a suicide

Only you cant do that with a knife

A stab for every time youve ruined my life

But I guess the cops wouldnt buy it

So I guess Ill just hide it

I drop to my knees and pray for my anger

Anger being only one letter short of danger

See the thoughts I have

They say dont be mad

They say be glad

But I cant kick bein sad

I guess its to bad

I was just a toy to be wound

A wounded puppy she found

Had me right where you wanted

I cared but you only fronted

I must have been so blind

To think you were one of a kind

You tricked me fooled me but not anymore

So ill tell what this poem is for

I wanna say what I really feel

Let you in on the deal

I hate your guts with every fiber of my being

Fuckin bitch your nothing but decieving

The only difference between you and Heather

Is she liked me and I liked her

But why were on the subject of her (Heather)

Some memories stir

That patriotic show sure was interesting

Not to mention embarrasing

Just another one that had me fooled

Wait this anger must be fooled

Her eyes were the clearest green

Most beautiful eyes Ive ever seen

Heather was a freaky one thats for sure

Nothing never could phase her

She always got what she wanted

Which is ironically just what I wanted

She had to have things go her way

So spoiled is all I have to say

I remember watching her at practice

With those teasing glances

So much flirting and nobody noticed

Our little secrets they always missed

But like all good things the fun came to an end

Said she only wanted to be my friend

Said she only talked to me cause her and her girl were having problems

This is from where my pain first stemed

Then theres Amanda what a joke

Who was I kidding damn white folk

It means nothing in the end

Really actually dont want to be her freind

She kept saying she wanted certain things

Actions speak louder than words, bang bang

Made some dumb decisions

But did it with such precision

Thought she fooled me but all along

If she looked closer shed see shes wrong

So it phased me for like a day

Maybe more, alot, ok ok

But still Ill be fine

Just give me time

Ill get over it just like the rest

Ill prevail, pass this test

You all thought you knew me

But Im someone youll never see

This shits gonna drive me crazy

Actin so hazy, but just maybe

Hey baby

My lady



Come closer and Ill tell you

What Ive wanted to do



All along its been on my mind

Cause I know your that kind



Dont know how to tell you what Im feeling inside

Nothing but memories racin my mind

But I try not to cry

Just heavy sighs

Cause you had me so high



That fall really smashed me

Cause I was to blind to see



What the future was

But Im still right here just because



I still want that cfomfort of your arms

To keep you from harm

So dont be alarmed



Im just trying to set it straight

This has been one big debate

But dont hate

Youll see if you wait

Cause Im setting it straight

(Most of these wil be some older poems of mine. I'll put on the new ones later tonight or another day.)



Do you ever wonder what runs through my head

When you hold me close and tight in bed?



I think to myself so many things

And how much joy your love brings



When I feel you close to me

Its where I know Im meant to be



Im safe from this decieving place

Feeling nothing but love in your embrace



No longer worried about what people say

Because I know your just inches away



I know nobody can hurt me while your there

And in your eyes I see you care



I lay and imagine our great future together

Nothing but love and kindness now and forever



I hate when you have to let go and leave

Cause I love having you close like you wouldnt believe



I want to ask you will you hold me forever?

And love me just like this through whatever?



Throughout life I will get hurt

And I will get slammed in the dirt



But God sent you to protect me

Your my guardian angel dont you see?



So keep me in your arms for all of time

Cause forever and ever I want to call you mine