Second entry17:34 Jun 21 2011
Times Read: 444
It's late, I'm still up and I need to be awake in the morning to deal with bs personal stuff yet again. I'm over all the shit here at home, over feeling alone raising my kids, over not connecting to life anymore. Everything is once again on top of me and I feel like I'm falling under.
Sometimes it pisses me off that my partner doesn't get it. I adore him, but he shits me up the wall and thinks of himself. He's the only man I've ever loved like this (although I have loved before)... once this was the fairytale I thought would never come into my life. Now, I ask myself why I keep doing this, I know the answer though, I'd die without him, inside where no one could see, while on the outside I'd live on like nothing was wrong.
It's sad the fairytale has turned into this, I know it happens, but as naive as it sounds, I never thought it would happen to us.
Life has just overwhelmed me, the sicker I get physically, the worse things get here at home. I'm so down, it hurts I can't do what I used to do anymore. I did to myself though, years and years of abuse from others, I never treated myself right and this is where I am, sick!
Even the fact I'm told I have five years to live hasn't deterred me, I can't seem to pull myself out of this funk I'm in. I'm so angry with myself for being here, for being so sick, for being unable to take care of my family the way I want to... the way I should be able to!
Everything seems to work against me, my kids have major problems, im physically unable to take care of things anymore, my partner doesn't want to help or doesn't think he should have to and things just build up. No wonder why I am such a strong dose of anti depressants and mood stabilisers argh!
COMMENTS
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gothicprincess84
09:09 Jun 22 2011
nawwww hunni i wuvs u it sounds lyk ur goin thru a tough tym atm hugs chicki stay strong =)