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This is written by Mieta but it fits how I feel so well that I wanted to share it. Check out her journal as well for this is only one of her wonderful poems.







In the things I have done...

I do not deserve the title of friend,

I do not deserve the title of fiánce.

I do not deserve the love I am given,

I do not deserve the love I am able to share.

I do not deserve the thoughts you think,

I do not deserve the life i live.

I am nothing,

no one,

utterly alone.

I deserve no love,

no passion,

no desire,

I don't deserve the emotions I have,

I was cold, and hard to have said such things to you.

I deserve no compassion,

no pity,

nothing better then me,

which is pretty much everything.

I am bitter,

I lied,

I keep things from you.

I am sorry.

I have it all, I feel everything, yet I feel to be unworthy.

Many have told me I am worth more than a penny...

so I raised myself to a dime.

Needless to say I have no time.

I regret nothing...

I simply mourn the mistakes I have made.

I don't deserve to be happy.

I am sorry I hurt you,

it seems I can't do anything right.

No use in helping me...I've turned of the light.

You will never forgive me.

You will hate me forever.

I am sorry I am not good enough,

I am sorry I am not strong enough,

I am sorry I can't say enough,

I am sorry I love you.

I have my secret...the biggest of all....

I only hope you will still be there to catch me when I fall.

For those I have hurt...

my deepest apologies...

needless to say I did the crime and I am paying the price.

I am the worst...

I am the nightmare I never wanted to be...

I say things i don't really mean.

I don't hate,

it is impossible,

but you can hate me.

You are so beautiful,

yet you were ruined by me.

I am dying inside and out.

I am slowing, my body is deterioating.

I am grow weaker by the second...

I am sicker every minute.

I pretend to be okay,

so no one will worry the next day.

I am not even worthy for you to look at....

even to spit on.

I am no one to talk to,

nothing to listen to.

I am invisible,

I am nothing.

Unworthy of life and death.

Too pointless for heaven or hell.

No need to rebel.

Lost in the dark of my own mind.

Lost in the light of my own emotion.

Deeply into madness,

only feeling sadness.

My name...is unimportant.

He slips through the night

like a whisp of a wind

He hides in the shadows

like He's commited a sin



like a quiet wolf

He disappears out of sight

He preys on innocents

in the dark gloomy night



He finds a nice girl

she will work well

He takes her away

she has something to sell



she offers her body

He wants so much more

He needs something else

that's more than a whore



He watches her body

as she takes off her clothes

He seems interested

in what she does



They start to kiss

He touches her skin

He resists the urge

as long as He can



He holds her close

pulling her tight

feeling her warmth

in the cold night



He moves her hair to the side

to reveal the bare skin

He slowly bites down

and revels in sin



the blood is now flowing

down her body it drips

from the open wound

He slowly sips



she's starting to die

her tempature's falling

He looks in her eyes

the other side's calling.

I'm falling away from the world at hyperspeed

I can't see the Earth that was under me

if I keep falling I'll fall out of reach

so that no one can ever help me



Can you see me where you are

do you see the pain I'm in

When you push me away so far

was it really that bad of a sin



I'm a stranger in your arms

subjected to an empty kiss

you've set off all the alarms

I'll never again be his



talk to me please

tell me what to do

"there's nothing to talk about"

so says you



why can't you forget it

make it go away

help me, talk to me

if you want me to stay



if you push me away

as you do now

you'll lose me forever

without knowing how.

what's the point of talking

our relationships done

now when I turn around

I find that you're gone



you insist on words

but what good will they do

tell me what's the point

in ever talking to you



you want to be friends

but I find insults in your words

why try to be friendly

you know it won't work



why work on our problems

we're not together anymore

just try to be normal

just call me a whore



It's been less than a week

leave me alone

if you can't go away

I can never move on

what do I do when I can't think anymore

when I feel like I'm lost and my soul's on the floor

when no one understands the words that I say

and nothing at all seems to be going my way



who do I call to get my life back on track

how do you know when it really is back

what do I do what do I say to make people understand me

Is there a way



will my life ever be normal

has it changed for the good

will you let me talk to you

when no one else would



I might be going crazy

I think I'm insane

when will this feeling

ever change?

life swirls around me in hyperspeed

I'm confused and can't think about what I need

being pulled in so many directions

I can't stand on my own two feet

I'm leaning on others who are leaning on me

I can't hold my own weight

how can I hold yours?

if I can't get strong now I fall to the floor

with no one to help me just contributers to the mess

everyone trying to tell me what to do next

I don't know what to do I just want it to end

I don't care how this cofusion I can't stand

The voices grow loud all around

the corners my friend as I sit all alone

without any friends is my typical way

in a state of depression I will stay



I look all around and see smiling faces

of one aimed towards me there are no traces

when someone takes notice of me in my corner so dark

the smiles turn to frowns followed by jokes with a smirk



inaudible insults I ignore with my words

my writing more important than following hordes

alone in the emptiness of my dark dreary mind

I hear nothing of the words unkind



my friends are the voices I hear in my head

I listen to them argue as they wish I was dead

Some smarter some dumber some that don't care

they hide in the safety of their deep dark lair



though they may be obnoxious and a bit obscene

and their voices are angry and language unclean

I'd rather listen to them that are inside

than the fake plastic people with insults they hide

Torn in two by a love gone bad

by a new love found that can't be had

forced to choose between the two

a heart is broken because of you

you can't avoid the inevitable end

no matter what the future might send

so follow your heart decide with your soul

your future may reveal treasures untold

Dreams of love and love lost

Dreams of a future now turned to dust

Dreams of a girl he cannot have

Dreams of a life he cannot save



tortured nights tormented days

constantly criticized for his ways

No one sees no one knows

What he endures never shows



Dreams of love and love lost

Dreams of a future now turned to dust

Dreams of a girl he cannot have

Dreams of a life he cannot save



Covered in smiles and laughs of gold

hanging over tortures untold

covers it well so no one knows

hides it in places where no one goes



Dreams of love and love lost

Dreams of a future now turned to dust

Dreams of a girl he cannot have

Dreams of a life he cannot save



Dreaming alone hidden in his room

Dreaming alone the Lost Fool





(dedicated to my good friend Josh)