Brown eyed girl00:31 Nov 09 2021
Times Read: 570
I'm a man of many convictions and problems,when I first came to Palestine Texas I was in a dark place in my life,by the age of thirteen I had a drug addiction and I started to drink heavily, I had been in two drive by shootings,one stabbing, and two murders. My best friend died in my arms, a casualty of gang warfare, I lost a girl who I was deeply involved with in a car crash,someone locked my grandparents in their house and burned it down with them in it. Plus I was living with my abusive Dad and I was at the beginning stages of major depression, ADHD type 2,and Bi-polar disorder. And this was all happening to me at the age of thirteen and I'm not saying I had it any harder than anyone else but it was rough. I was also running around with the two biggest drug dealers in my area Danny and Angelo Trevino, their cousin Angel died in my arms from six gun shots to his back by another gang member, and their cousin Lilyanna who I was dating died in a car crash in Mexico. I was deeply in love With Lilyanna, we were planning to get married after high school,we had it all planned out, I was gonna go to work at an Chinese restaurant while she went to college, my real job was going to be selling drugs for her cousins,they were both members of the tri-city bombers street gang and they had ties to the Mexican Mafia, plus their dad and uncle are members of one the drug cartels in Mexico. I was hanging with some dangerous people and doing bad things. And when I moved to Palestine my friend's introduced me to another drug dealer and I started working for him, I had just turned 15 and I was addicted to cocaine and marijuana and I was a budding alcoholic like my dad and his dad before him. I had just started high school and I didn't know anyone there since I was new to Palestine so on the first day of school before the bell rang for first period I decided to hide in between two bushes and read a book, I did it for to days and on the third day three girls who I'll call the Christian welcome comity came over and started chatting with me,they were pretty and nice, we chatted until the bell rang and they promised to come back and talk to me again if I was still in that spot the next day. The next day came and they came back over to chat with me again except this time there was nine of them instead of three and out of the nine there was one girl in particular who caught my eye. She had a light tan, long dark brown almost black hair with a hint of blond at the tip of her hair, beautiful brown eyes, She was the same height as me 5'4. Oh Marone, I thought I'd died and went to heaven, I had butterflies in my stomach and my blood was boiling, I couldn't keep my eyes off her, I had trouble concentrating on the other girls because of her, her voice was hypnotizing. Her name is Anna-Leea Lynette Reddoch/Rider, I couldn't breathe in her presence, I felt like I was floating above my body looking down on the scene. I starting eating lunch regularly with her and three other girls, one of the girls was named Bekah Gold and she introduced me to her older brother Mark Gold who was a senior and part of the football team, so I also started eating lunch with the senior football team. And I started to get to know Anna-Leea a little by little, I found out a lot of things about her that she doesn't know I know. I did my diligence on her because I wanted to know as much as I could about her because she peaked my interest at first and I was infatuated and drawn to her for certain reasons I'll mention later on in this journal entry. And I'll admit at the time I was shy and very withdrawn plus the drugs and alcohol along with my mental health made me paranoid and moody. I was getting into fights after school, I also fought at school but managed to never get caught by teachers, and I fought kids older and bigger than me, I've always looked like crap and unfrightening and people I've fought and beat up were shocked by my furiousness,Anger, and brute strength because at the time I was 215 Ilbs and I'm only 5'4 in height and didn't and still don't look like much. I'll give an example of one fight I got into in high school and it was over Anna-Leea, a few of the fights I got into were over her. Well, it was my ninth grade year and Anna-Leea was a sophomore and she supposedly had a reputation of being not just a good Christian girl but also had a reputation of being a party and bad girl. A sophomore boy was throwing a party and invited a lot of student's including Anna-Leea and me to his party. Word got back to me that he was planning on putting a rufy in Anna-Leea's drink and taking her for a test drive, I beat the immortal crap out of the guy, blacked his eye and broke his arm, he's lucky I didn't kill him. Another example, during Valentine's day people would come around to the class rooms selling roses and Valentine's cards and at the time I got a small allowance from my step dad each month and I spent my whole months allowance buying Anna-Leea a rose and card as a secret admirer and I was super happy that I could buy her those things but a boy about her age was claiming he bought her all the roses and cards, I don't think she believed him but I got hot and for the first time in my life I saw red so I followed him to the school restroom and beat the crap out of him. She doesn't know anything about those fights and I never told her about them. Eventually she asked me to go to church with her and her boyfriend, I think I went to church with her and her boyfriend Seth six times and at first I went only because of her and then I felt the spirit of God during the youth group service when Anna-Leea prayed for me to find my dad who was missing at the time, I remember we were kneeling in front of a small prayer bench or altar and she was praying for my dad's safe return and I felt a hand touch my shoulder but no one was behind me and a voice whispered into my ear that my dad was safe and that I would be reunited with him and I felt a strong presence around me and I knew it was God and I started crying, and I remember Anna-Leea grabbed my hand and when she did sparks went through my body and my blood started boiling and I turned and looked at her and realized she had just stole my heart and soul and I was her slave. I couldn't tell her how I felt because I was scared and afraid of the outcome,basically I was a chicken shit. And then my drug and alcohol problem along with my mental health problems and the bad people I was running with started weighting me down so I quit going to church with her and I broke off our friendship because I didn't want her finding out how I felt about her and all the bad shit I was into. And it hurt every time I saw her at school and I couldn't or didn't say hello or anything. I wanted to talk to her so bad and a crazy part of me wanted to walk up and grab her and kiss her but I was more afraid of her kneeing me in the crotch or her knocking me out. Every time I was near her a weird feeling came over me and my heart and soul screamed at me to go to her. I used to have dreams and some of them have actually happened, when I was 13 I had a dream that I met a group of girls and two years later it happened, Anna-Leea was one of the girls in my dream and when I saw her I knew I would end up a fool for her. I have been in numerous relationships in and out of high school but they never worked out. And I messed up things between me and her big time and I regret it everyday, she's all I want, I'm on so many dating websites but none of the women interest me because I'm stuck on her. I'm her fool and slave, I'd do anything she'd ask of me and I'd do anything for her, I'd go to prison and sit on death row for her, she's worth it,she's worth dying for. But I'm getting older and I've changed, my nephew's death really effected me, I feel my mortality, I'm at the age were I want to stop running and settle down and start a family. I'll always love and want Anna-Leea, her birthday is on the 20th of this month, five days before mine and I wish I could wish her a happy birthday but she hates my guts and won't talk to me but I'm gonna try until my last breathe because I'm that much a fool.
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