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I'm so hooked on "True blood" and am spending every free moment of the day watching it... I'm nearly done with season 2 now.



At first, I didn't get what people saw in Alexander Skarsgård but after he cut his hair... hot DAMN!



He's much sexier than Bill... And don't you just die when he starts speaking Swedish??



Hehehe...



(Important notice: Zachary Quinto is still nr 1, just wait until Heroes starts again...)

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imagesinwords
20:12 Sep 18 2009

Huge fan of the show right *here* also ;)

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eMetiB226
21:38 Sep 18 2009

and here as well....got alexander's sexy pic on my profile...lol

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BubbleGumClaudia
15:52 Sep 23 2009

Yes Eric Is Sexy By All Fucking Means...

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I'm losing my mind, mostly because I have no one to talk to. I have barely any time to get online, my mother never has the time to listen to me, my sister is always out with her friends and the very few friends I have here... One wouldn't understand for sure, the other two I don't want to bother with my crap.



I feel guilty that whenever they talk to me, I'm feeling depressed and find it difficult to talk about cheerful things. They've both come a far way in life in these two years... They both HAVE a life and are feeling much better than they did back in the days...



It's like they have moved on, they've dealt with their issues and they're content where they're at. Who am I to bring them down with my problems and my despair?



Unlike them, I've only been sinking deeper into my shit, to the point where I really can't see the EXIT sign. I feel left behind, deserted, alone.



Not to mention I'm loaded with guilt feelings, I find that isolating myself and letting them live their lives without my pathetic interruption... is better for them. I don't want to be a burden on anyone.



And so here I am going crazy with only having a 2 year old to talk to.

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sahahria
13:35 Sep 15 2009

Ok. Time to step back and consider something. When your friends went through their tough time, was it a burden on you to listen? No? I didn't think so. STOP beating yourself up. They are your friends for a reason, sometimes it is not about putting a burden- but having an ear.



At the end of the day the work is still yours to do, but asking for an ear- any true friend will be more than happy to supply.

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Czekolada
12:08 Sep 22 2009

Jag tycker inte att du ska känna dig skyldig över att prata med dina vänner... Iaf inte över att prata med mig... Jag vill prata o umgås med dig hur deprimerad o tråkig du än är. Det är det vänner är till för. Du ger mig någonting i mitt liv genom att vara bara där. Du är ju det finaste som finns på denna jorden! Älskar dig! :*

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My mom is getting sick of hearing me constantly whining about what a bad mother I am.



She keeps trying to reassure me that Ryan won't end up suffering, that he is doing well and that I am being good to him.



She says that he has everything he needs, he is loved, he gets food, he has clothes, he has a bed to sleep in, and so on.



I keep asking her, what does it matter that he has all those things, when he can feel that I'm never happy? What does it matter when he'll surely feel grow up feeling stressed out and worried in this enviroment I am raising him in? How can he be happy when I never am? When I don't show him what happiness is?



When I get to that point, she gets quiet. So I guess I'm right about what I'm saying... And I have all the reasons in the world to be worried.



I can't make myself happy, I don't know what it takes to make me happy. I have never felt truly happy... And now my mom began talking about how distressed Ryan seems to be in his sleep, giving that he wakes up crying or shouting a hundred times during the night and has such difficulties with falling asleep. How can he sleep well when he feels me being tired, irritated, worried and depressed?



I am feeling worse than ever, worse than ever. And I am not going to see Green Day either, I can't. My mom has been trying to put Ryan to sleep but it's impossible, he can stay calm with her for about 10 minutes or so but he doesn't fall asleep and in the end always starts crying for me. He is so dependent on me and nursing to fall asleep... I know it's my fault, I'm the one who got him used to this way of sleeping... but what was I supposed to do when there was no one around to help me??





I wish I could find the time and energy to write more... but I don't... though I have so much to say...

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sahahria
22:16 Sep 14 2009

You should know that my brother, as a child- NEVER slept well. He simply didn't. Or he'd wake up screaming, or scream himself to sleep- throw tantrums during the day etc.



My point is simple: What Ryan is going through is not just about you, it is simply part of his development. Normal? Perhaps not, but there are many children that go through this type of "phase" for lack of a better word for it. If you are still so very concerned, have his Doctor look at him- a professional can tell you when to worry and what your worry should be.



But know you could be doing everything right and he would still have this happen. As it is, none of us are perfect- and so we can all find fault with what we do. Stop beating yourself up over that which you can't control. Breath. and have a hug from me :)

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DevineChild
20:40 Sep 18 2009

as a young mother myself i understand what your going through. I was so depressed because babys dad left and i felt dependant on my family. I found out if i didnt focus on myself but in my son that i found happiness through him. I would plan days around him. Parks, strolling in the mall with no money, chuck e cheese when i could or even just made a fort with him. at 9 mths old my son loved it and is now 3 1/2 and we still play fort. i hope maybe this will help as you are a good mom like your mom says just throw yourself into Ryan and watch cartoons and make funny noises with him and you will find being a mom is great. forget your old friends as you have the best person in you life your son.

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Ok, so things are not really looking up. I'm feeling more depressed every day and it's really getting to me.



I'm so tired. What else is there to say? I've just had enough of everything.

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Idiosyncrasy
22:43 Sep 08 2009

Reach out and get help. I have decided to go to therapy and so has my hubs. We are miserable since our twins died and have decided we need to get help before it is too late.

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You won't believe what I found out yesterday...



I was checking on ticnet if there are any good concerts coming up, I came across Green Day and tickets have been released again!!!



I AM GOING TO SEE GREEN DAY IN OCTOBER!!!



:D



I'm going with a friend, we'll have to take the tickets in front of the stage (not that I mind) because there aren't any good seating tickets left...



but what matters is that I'M GOING TO SEE GREEN DAY!!!!!!!



My only concern is how the hell my mom is going to manage with Ryan, putting him to sleep and all, but we'll have to work something out because I am not giving up the chance to see GD especially since it's only a few train stations away now... not across Europe...



Other than that, I'm OK I guess... I'm spending a lot of time with my friend when I can, she has always been very intense and likes to meet often and for long periods, which suits me well now that I dread being alone.... I used to crave being alone all the time, but now I can't stand it... especially because the depression seems to creep back on me on any given chance.



I'm about to upload some pics from when we went out to the park yesterday with Ryan and a 3 year old boy which my friend babysits sometimes... Ryan had SO much fun running in the forest and goofing around... He plays well with the other boy but got a bit scared when he came too close...



He's also picking up on Swedish with amazing speed, he understands more every day and repeats whatever you tell him... And he can even sing some songs in Swedish. My boy has a talent for languages it seems. :)



It's a relief having him here, despite the fact that I am basically stuck with him unable to find work or go to school... at least for the time being, until I can find a proper kindergarten for him... and money is running out... It's worth it because Ryan has a much more stimulating and healthy environment to grow in now.



I'll be back with the pics...

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ShatteredAngel
21:47 Sep 05 2009

I am glad to see that you are able to go to the concert you wanted to go to so badly. I do hope that it works well for your mom and you for going to it.

That is great also that he seems to absorb languages so quickly... I wish I had that quickness.

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