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My adorable son just called me Mama! :D



This morning in between his whining for milk, he suddenly said "mama" so clearly and only once!



And then later during the day when daddy held him he began to whine and went like "mamamamamama" and kept going.



:D



He'll be 7 months on June 1st and has already said his first word, he loves his mama ♥

I am so proud of him!



I suspect he'll be crawling soon as well, he's getting there slowly... when I put him on his mat he starts rolling around like crazy, lifting his ass up, resting shortly on his knees and pushing himself backwards.



When it comes to movement he is a bit like his parents, a lazy little bunny :P

Both me and Yendor began walking at 15 months. (Compare that to my energetic sister Natalia who mom told me was up on her legs in her 9th month...)



But Ryan compensates for it big time as he's proving to be a very intelligent little boy! :D



He's gonna be a Nerd ♥

just like daddy, ha!

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Sinora
15:32 May 31 2008

I can imagine that must have been a very special moment.



Are you keeping any kind of baby diary ?

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deathnitegrl
22:51 May 31 2008

Awesome!

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POST COMMENT

I think the fact that my libido has gone bye bye and I don't want to have sex is slowly becoming a problem.



But how do I change this?

I haven't had sex in 10 months, yes, 10 MONTHS and I am not missing it at all.

Honestly, the whole getting something up my vagina part has never really been pleasurable to me.



And now it's even worse.

When we do try I just end up crying or shouting... or both... because I'm scared.

I'm scared of having something in there which I feel doesn't belong, Ryan came out of there for god's sake.



I really can't stand the feeling of him inside me.



And then, it's not easy finding my sex drive when I'm constantly tired and depressed, I don't really feel sexy either.



Maybe I am not giving Yendor enough of myself... not just physically but in every way... Ryan is constantly in my arms and if not then he occupies my mind.



*sigh*



I am seriously wondering if I'll ever enjoy good sex again.



I don't want our relationship to go on the rocks =/



This sucks... and now I'm off to watch Bambi.

I'm feeling fat and craving carbs.



I feel like I'm getting nowhere with this...



Even chewing gum has carbs, and I used to chew not to put anything else in my mouth!



You know, this sucks.

I felt happier before starting with this diet.



Fucking LCHF, Atkins, whatever



I AM feeling good physically, but emotionally I was feeling better before.





Maybe I eat too much calories, I don't know, but I don't seem to be losing weight.

Do I have to give up my chewing gum and coffee with cream now as well?



*sigh*

I know where I'm headed if I'm not already there.



"Mother burnout"



I just read about it and it explains exactly how I'm feeling.



*sigh*



tired, angry, frustrated, unhappy



"Burnout is a state of emotional exhaustion. A mother feels burned out when she has been out of balance for too long. With so much energy draining out of her, she reaches a point where she feels she has nothing left to give. Yet baby continues to need mom, and mom needs to go on coping. Moms can become unhappy, angry, and most of all tired. This can often lead to questioning mom’s ability to care for baby and blaming herself for not enjoying motherhood.



Modern mothers are expected to do it all: keep a perfect house, raise intelligent and creative children, provide their husbands with companionship and sex, and have a stimulating life of their own on the job or elsewhere. A new mother who tries to live up to this image of Supermom is headed for trouble. Learning how to be your baby’s mother is a more-than-full-time job. When too many other demands are placed on a mother, giving her more to do and less time to care for herself, she is in danger of burnout".



(source: www.askdrsears.com)



At least I can comfort myself with the fact that I am working my ass off to create a lifelong attachment to my baby and striving to be a committed mother to the point of perfectionism.



Seriously though, all I want and need is a break or two during the day, it doesn't need to be anything special either... But taking showers every 4 or 5 days (when my hair gets too greasy) and not even then have time to shave my legs...

It gets to me, you know.



I chose to do the attachment parenting as I firmly believe it is the best way to raise Ryan, so I know a lot of the hard work is due to that decision and most days I don't mind carrying Ryan around everywhere...

But doing it ALL THE TIME is exhausting!



I feel like I am a single parent here.



It's like Yendor has lost touch and doesn't know ho to handle Ryan when he cries, he can only play with him... and gets tired after only a few minutes with the baby, so I feel guilty when asking him to take Ryan for a minute...



Cause I know as a mother I have the secret storage of energy for the baby, so I can go on and on and on...



And then He has to go to work, which is probably tiring as well, I understand that.



Difference is, he works 8 hours a day with a day off every 3 days.



I work 24 hours a day every single fucking day.



And he wonders why I have no sex drive anymore...?



Hahaha... ha... HAAAA!

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deathnitegrl
21:02 May 29 2008

The mother's job is unpaid, yet it is the hardest job in the world.

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POST COMMENT

Stop chewing so much gum.

No vegetable oils.

A minimum of milk products.

Don't forget the water.

Exercise more already!!!



Ok, so now let's start from the beginning... again.



I need to lose weight.

I want to be skinny :(



I know health comes first, and I am healthy.



But living in a body which feels like a fat piece of dough isn't making life any easier...



Oh well...



I've been eating well today, I'm just gonna keep doing that and maybe all these extra kg will drop off me one day...

Patience really isn't a part of my character.



I so wish I could go to the gym =/



But I can't even have a proper meal in peace, so the gym feels very far away...



Meh, Ryan is asleep and I don't really have anything better to do than sitting here being depressed.



Oh joy...

I love plants, who doesn't?

They bring life to any place, they look and smell beautiful...



Only problem is that they keep dying on me.



I bought a new one today... I'll keep you updated on how long it'll last...

Ok *takes a deep breath*



I'm back.



And this time I am not focusing on weight loss... I am just going to follow my LCHF diet for the simple reason that it is making me feel better and more energetic.



*sigh*



I'm back at square one though, fighting off the sugar cravings.



Tomorrow is a new day and I'm going back to my healthy lifestyle.



So there.

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deathnitegrl
17:47 May 26 2008

Being healthy is the most important thing :)

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I've given up.

Weight loss, weight gain, who cares?



I need motivation to get back on track, cause right now I don't give a fuck and that won't end well...

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Morrigon
15:19 May 26 2008

Why look at it like you HAVE to be skinny?



Take your time, have someone watch the baby, go for walks. Eat food that tastes good and enjoy it, not just distract yourself with it.



Take it easy. When you squeeze yourself so hard to do something, you slip out of it. That is more unhealthy than being "overweight"



Give yourself time and love.

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POST COMMENT

French men are so sexy.



I need to practice my French...

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deathnitegrl
17:45 May 26 2008

I like the accent mostly and the language is sexy too :D

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POST COMMENT

I'm feeling like the worst mother in the world.

Ryan just fell asleep and I can't stop crying...

I feel so guilty for feeling relieved when he sleeps or for wanting a break from him... even missing the time I only had me to care for.

He's such a small little boy, totally dependent on me and here I am feeling tired and bored, burdened by responsibilities...



Everyday is the same old shit and I rarely feel happy with life.

The days just pass, most of the time I wish I could be somewhere else and don't even have the energy to play with him.



I am not supposed to feel like this! What if he feels this and thinks there's something wrong with him? What if he doesn't feel loved by me?



I am doing everything wrong...



The only thing I'm concerned about is fat, fat, fat.



And I lost patience this morning when he woke up... I never get enough sleep it seems...



Oh god I awful, how can I even dare think about life without him?



I love him... but I'm so tired...



Him, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping every fucking day, it all goes on a routine and it's getting to me, I can't take this anymore, I'm just so damn BORED!

I don't even have a minute for myself.

His naps don't count cause since he's sleeping in my arms I can't really do much.



And no... I am not "getting him used to" his own bed.



I feel like I'm barely with him during the days, physically yes but I am so absent minded...I need the nights to reconnect with him.





Sigh... lousy mother is what I am...



And I'm gonna have a second child?

Yeah, right.

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Morrigon
15:18 May 26 2008

The way you're feeling is completely natural. Many people feel this way, that does not make you a cruel person or a bad mother. It makes you a tired person who needs a break.



You need to get someone to take care of the little one for a few hours. Take a nap, go spend time by yourself. Everyone needs this.

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POST COMMENT

France's contribution to the Eurovision Song Contest was the best one in my opinion, this year just like last year.



I mean, GOD, in some odd, freaky way I find it so damn sexy!



I shall remember the name Sebastien Tellier...

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Jens
22:20 May 25 2008

There's a LOT of talent in Europa. Sadly the Americans think too highly of themselves to bother to pay any attention to the talent abroad.

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Adora
22:45 May 25 2008

It's unfortunate, cause there is some really good music out there...

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sahahria
14:01 May 26 2008

some of us do ;) The problem is our record companies do not because they will NOT get the money from promoting them- so the media only pays attention to "our talent".



Crappy really.

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POST COMMENT

You know, I should really consider adapting the "fat and happy" attitude.



Imagine actually being happy with oneself and having a normal relation to food, being able to eat what you want in moderation without exaggerating, throwing up or starving...



Yeah, imagine that.

I wish I could be like that.

Some people who are not necessarily thin are still happy with themselves... happy to them isn't about being fat or thin...

I seriously envy them.



What is the secret? How do you learn to accept and be happy with yourself, no matter what you look like?



I'm wasting too much life and energy on this shit...

99% of the day I'm thinking about it...

It decides my mood, it can change rapidly to either direction depending on whether I'm feeling fat or not.



And poor Yendor... everyday I nag about it, if he denies that I'm fat I call him a liar, if he admits to the fact that I could use some muscles I get all pissed and bitchy, declaring how ugly I am.





*sigh*



How do I put an end to this drama?

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Jens
22:11 May 25 2008

Everyone has their view on the world and on others. From what you've described, I would say it is all purely psychological. And being such, you can change that, but it will take a LONG time to do this -- there IS NO easy way.



Take an animal, per se a cat. Have you ever noticed how the cat doesn't care if you've got on fuzzy slippers, a robe and curlers in your hair, or if you're wearing that fancy new dress you bought. The cat will sit on you regardless and get hair over anything you wear. Have you noticed that a cat will sleep on you if you're warm, even if you've not taken a shower, have the farts or have morning breath? That cat doesn't care; all the cat knows is that they love you for who you are inside unconditionally.



I noticed that and have since tried to think the same way, but since I am human, I do have my hang ups too, but they are no longer focused on what I look like, or how much fat-weight I have. I now focus on eating good foods and staying fit and healthy.



Lina, find what motivates you to change your way of thinking and with lots of practice and effort, you will eventually get to where you want to go.



Like a cat, I adore you for whom you are inside, even though the outside looks great too. I love to curl up on your inbox if it is warm, and chat away the hours (if I had the time). Just know that you've got friends who care a great deal about you and will never leave you. I am always here if you need to chat.



Your JGB,

Jens

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POST COMMENT

I look pregnant,



THAT'S how fat I am.



Just shoot me already, I don't want to live, I hate this life, I hate myself, I hate everything but my son.



Sigh

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DarkWolfman
18:13 May 25 2008

Don't think that way Karolina...you have him to live for as well as your friends.

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POST COMMENT

I'm sitting here having my morning coffee, yes, decaff coffee... at least this I can drink without sugar.



Ryan is sitting in my lap shouting at his toys and I don't know where the hell I've put the camera!



It's getting too hot here...

I want to go to Sweden, sigh.

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Jens
22:18 May 25 2008

Ever since I realized that sugar is a poison, I have cut most of it out of my diet.



It sucks, because some of the teas I used to drink taste awful without it and using honey changes the flavour. I have, however, learned to eat cereal without sugar, providing it is the unsweetened healthy kind.



Either way, I stopped drinking soda-pop. That has helped me lose 20kgs... but my addiction to chocolate hasn't gone away. Also, I have greatly reduced my candy intake, which means I am hungry, so I feed myself natural foods.



Anyways, I keep my camera on my belt at all times... y'never know when it will be needed... especially to capture memories of your children as they grow up. :)

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POST COMMENT

Today has been one of the most fucked up days in my life.



I'm feeling really down and it's been a crazy roller coaster all day...



Yendor asked me why I'm so afraid of getting fat, I honestly don't know.



I've stayed away from carbs today and I'm going to keep it that way...

I want to be all bones.



Sigh, I just feel awful and don't really have anything to say...

Eurovision Song Contest is such a joke.

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Jens
22:21 May 25 2008

Just wait, it'll probably spring up some tallent from some backwards country like France or something... lol

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deathnitegrl
17:41 May 26 2008

I agree that's why I don't watch it.

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POST COMMENT

It's done.



Yendor took Ryan for half an hour, I ended up in a trance-like state after throwing up.

I don't know what to do anymore...

I didn't even want the food, I didn't want it yesterday either.

I've totally spoiled everything now, I'm gonna have to start over.



Tomorrow... is another day and the beginning of a new weight loss struggle. I've probably gained some weight now.



Hey, at least I reached my goal, 55kg by the end of May...



Now, let's make it 50kg by the end of June.



(and then 45kg by the end of July)



I don't even care about the muscles anymore, just please make the fat go away.



(Yendor was right, my wonderful and relieving state of acceptance and realization of my senseless struggle didn't last for long)

I'm spinning out of control again.



SOMEONE STOP ME WTF TRIGGERED THIS??? ALL MY WEEKS OF STRUGGLING TO LOSE WEIGHT WILL BE FOR NOTHING!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK

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Morrigon
19:13 May 22 2008

Don't buy snackfood, don't go out to binge, chew some gum, brush your teeth. You don't need food, you don't even want it, you want something else.

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Jens
22:24 May 25 2008

Do exactly that!!! Fornication is a great way to relieve stress and it also helps keep the heart fit. You are such a smart lady and a wonderful mother. :)

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POST COMMENT

I burned my salmon.



:'(



Now what the hell am I going to eat???

I've totally lost my motivation now and this isn't good, no, not at all...



Help me find it, please?



I'm currently blind and don't see why I shouldn't have a piece of the lasagna I cooked for Yendor, or go out in the sunny weather and have an ice cream...



Hellooo, I am not supposed to eat carbs.



Right now my mind is set to "weight gain, what's the big deal?" mode, tomorrow when I realize I've gained back what I've lost I'll be back in a state of weight loss panic, crying out of anxiety.



And still, I look at my body and see that there's still fat to lose...



Oh fuck, why can't I just LIVE!

I loved this movie, it's like a fairytale for adults and it feels very original, the story is beautiful... not to mention Christina Ricci...



I think yesterday was one of the best days I've had in a very long time... I woke up peaceful and rested today, haven't had a single negative thought.



And no, it's not because I had chocolate... well, alright, that's part of the reason.



In the morning we went for a business meeting... all I can say about that is that it seems we're on the right track here.



Then I went shopping with Ryan, I ended up spending much as I bought clothes for Ryan and swim wear, skirts for myself and stuff for Yendor... but I had fun.



I came home, us and Yendor went to the furniture shop to get a new shelf for the kitchen an we are planning in getting new plants (not flowers this time, they just keep dying on me...) although when that will happen... God knows, I want to do it now and I'm so impatient I'll probably go and buy them myself... Because he could wait for days GAH! lol



Around 6 Ryan got very sleepy as he had barely slept all day... we were supposed to go to his grandmother but those plans got canceled, who has the heart to wake up a sleeping child?



So I sat myself down here and began watching the movie, surprisingly Yendor joined me...

Ryan ended up sleeping for the rest of the evening in my arms, he was so quiet that it felt like it was only me and Yendor again... and that felt so... beautiful.



We haven't done anything together since Ryan came...

So yesterday became a good substitute for going to the cinema.

And I wish I could have this every evening...

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SeleneTremere
14:05 May 22 2008

Sounds like a wonderful evening. It does get better, sometimes even a little easier. You make new memories of the family, and before you know it...the little one's all grown and off to explore the world and you and Yendor will be missing him.



Ack! You've made me miss the days of having a baby around.



Enjoy it all :)

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POST COMMENT

I feel better today.



I'm going to spend the day taking pictures of an playing with Ryan.



Yesterday I went to sleep with the thought that I have a nice and soft, curvy body.

I can't seem to find any trace of yesterday's binge eating.



This morning I had a cup of tea.



I'm tired of being so restrictive in my eating, it makes me unhappy.



I need my chocolate.

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ThePinja
07:25 May 22 2008

Old friends are still around if you ever need to talk Karo.



Miss you, miss talking to you. No matter what you know you're better than that. Don't try fooling yourself.



-Rodney

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POST COMMENT

I don't remember what crap I've filled my mouth with today, I'm just sitting here with a bloated tummy and a major headache from the sugar rush.

My body is in total shock right now.



I enjoyed the first 3 pieces of chocolate, God knows why I didn't stop there.

The bulimia ghost was there, and I keep stuffing my mouth full with sugar even though I don't want it anymore.



I am feeling nauseous.



But I've lost track of why I should bother with this weight struggle anymore.



What's the point when you wake up one morning, 4kgs lighter than a few weeks ago, and you still feel like the same old fat cow?



It doesn't make a difference whether I weigh 70 or 50kg, I'll still find a reason to hate my body.

I'll still have that doughy tummy, feel the fat over my hipbones, my thighs rubbing against each other, this non muscular piece of shit for a body...



See? I give up, there's no fucking point with this anymore.



Now, excuse me as I go back to my chocolate bars and coke cans.

I used to be an anorectic.

I used to be a bulimic.

I used to be an emotional binge eater.



Now I ask myself if that "used to be" should really be there.



This chocolate isn't satisfying me, I want to eat it until I throw up, I hate my body, I feel like a fucking yucky donut and wherever I go I see my huge legs reflect in the mirror and I wish I could just take a knife and cut the fat...



I haven't felt so depressed in months.

...



:'(

HA!



Ok, I'm still pissed at myself but I just finished watching the 1st semi final of Eurovision and guess what, Poland actually made it to the finals this time, about fucking time!



YAAY

It doesn't matter one fucking bit how much weight I'll lose, my body will still be fat and yucky.



I've lost 4kg and my legs are as disgusting as ever, there's still fat around my tummy.



I'll never have time to exercise properly.



I hate this, I fucking hate my piece of crap for a body.



I'll never have the body I want, I give up. Might as well eat 10 bars of chocolate.



Ha, I've already lost control and fed my body numerous unnecessary calories, not to mention carbs.

Then I threw up.

Back in the old days, are we?



It just began with me getting in a really bad mood, I am feeling so depressed I could shoot myself.



*sigh* now give me that damn chocolate, I don't care anymore, why should I? it doesn't make a difference.



I hate hate hate my body!!!



FUCKING SHIT OF A BLOODY CRAP FUCKER HEEELLLL

I've lost another 2cm around my hips!!! :D



Although I still hate my legs...

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Kontradiction
18:55 May 19 2008

good job, it takes time. and you can do it!

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POST COMMENT

You know what my problem is?

I don't believe I could ever be something or succeed in doing anything worthwhile.



I don't have any self-esteem and I most definitely don't believe in myself.



And it's been and still is a huge obstacle for me in life.



Why??



Now, me and Yendor are about to sign a contract, we're gonna dip our heads into the health business and see where it gets us.

He has a good head on his shoulders which is why I so strongly believe in us succeeding with this...



It would make me feel better, making my own money...



We're doing it for Ryan and our future children, I want them to have everything.





Whoever said money doesn't buy happiness is a liar.



But then, it all comes down to whether I can finally start believing in myself...



*sigh*

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ThothLestat
14:57 May 18 2008

well, I believe in you.

Go get 'em!

*pats you on the butt*

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xxEmaeraldxx
22:48 May 18 2008

You produced an Angel, how could you not believe in yourself? Your son will be proud of you Adora :)

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POST COMMENT

YAY!



I haven't got a scale so I can't see if I've lost anymore weight, BUT...



I've lost 4cm around my waist, and 3cm around my hips! :D



My measurements are now 66/83 cm...



I still miss sweets, but if this is the award for avoiding them... it's worth it!



Yendor says I'm all bones...



HA, not yet.



My thighs are still fatty and there's still a little left around my tummy.



But soon it will be gooooooone! :D



I rock my sooocks

Coconut pancakes...



I normally have scrambled eggs for breakfast but I decided to eat something different for a change,



whipped cream + an egg + coconut + butter in the frying pan = coconut pancakes



Loaded with fat.



Yummy :P

So, me and Yendor (and Ryan of course) were on a kind of meeting today concerning a health product, or products actually... The company is huge and is owned by "the people" rather than one person.



Yendor's workmate introduced us to it...



We got really interested as joining the team of distributing these products would mean extra, or even A LOT of extra money for us.



And those products have won prizes and been nominated best product and bla bla bla, they seem to be really good, the guy definitely got me to believe in it...



Anyway, Yendor's workmate is coming over to us on Friday to explain things further... and as Yendor has a very good eye for business... combine that with his personality and this could become a real huge success for us.



While I was there, I got a body scan...

Basically I found out my body fat, muscle weight, and so on...



Today's weight?

55,8kg



I've lost another 200g, despite the chocolate yesterday :)

(ok, honestly I had some more today...)



My body fat % is 25% which is right in the middle, muscle weight is 39kg which is standard...



My metabolism rate is the one of a 14 year old.



Basically I got very good results and all and all my health is at level 1 (it should be between 1-4)



I'm a healthy little girl :)

I admit, the temptation became too strong and I was unable to resist anymore.



I think I exceeded my allowed carb intake today... but not by much, I made sure not to cross the line... It will simply result in my weight loss stopping for a few.



What matters is that I am sticking to my diet.



I want to lose a couple of more kg, but who said it needs to go fast?



I took some pics of me in bikini to see how I look... (and no I'm not gonna post them here cause I'd embarrass myself)...



I look...OK



A little too much fat here and there for me to be satisfied but it's good enough.





I had a few pieces of dark chocolate... and it taste like heaven! O:)

This must be the only country in the world which hasn't got raspberries!!!



I FINALLY found sugar free whipped cream at the supermarket, thought it would be so yummy with sweet raspberries... it's the only fruit I am allowed to eat.



But nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo



Am I meant to be tortured???

Chicken with curry and coconut milk stuffed with mozzarella...



+ mushrooms with cream



Yummy :)



Other than that today's food intake has been scrambled eggs, 1/2 avocado, some cheese and mackerel.



And that's it.



(give me chocolate dammit)

Ya know, there's one thing I like about my body... it's "pear shaped", meaning most fat is stuck on my ass and thighs.



I just checked my BMI, it's 21,08

If I lose another 6kg (which I will as long as I resist the chocolate...) it will be 18,86... meaning, nearly underweight.

But who cares? I'd prefer that to overweight any day.



My waist/hip measurements are 70/86 cm...

which according to a calculation puts me at risk for disease and an early death.

o.O yeah right...



But that fat has to go, it's not healthy to have too much in your hip area... but then, I've always been big boned :P



Sigh... fat, fat, all this talk about fat. This obsession will never die.



Anyway...



... fucking chocolate... *grumbles*

Somebody please help me!!!

Let me just begin with saying that I love Ryan... I love him more than anything else in this world. He is my world, and that's where I get my strength to continue from.



But sometimes... I wish my life had stayed the way it was a year ago, I wish I could come and go as I please and not have this huge responsibility on my shoulders.



I miss that life...



I miss going to school and complaining about homework. Life was so easy and carefree back then.



Sure, I've never been the kind of person to really strive for a good education and a career... but still, perhaps I would have attended some university...



Sometimes I really feel like nothing... what are you without a decent education? Is my life a waste?



As it is now... I'm just a mother with no other future ahead of me other than raising my children.



Of course, there's the TEFL course I took last summer, I have the certificate... at least I've accomplished something.



I still need to pass the CAE though, perhaps after that I can teach English...



...when my kids are all in school.



I want Ryan to have siblings.





But I guess that's how it is... sometimes you're happy about life, and some days you just wonder what the hell you've done...



Oh well, I'll live.

COMMENTS

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BubbleGumClaudia
02:05 May 12 2008

Sweetie..I wonder what my life would've been like had I not had lil bionic woman.....but I Love my life now....I know that its hard for you......but when you look back later in life you will realize that this is for the best......



I Love You Sweetie......and Happy Mothers Day!

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POST COMMENT

Chicken with ricotta and some mashed broccoli with butter.



Mmm yummy ♥



I managed to resist that sudden sugar craving.



Go me :P

...Yendor answers the question "Has my ass gotten smaller?"



And today is a crappy day.



I could KILL for chocolate!



But I can't have any... :'(



Oh this cruel world!

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deathnitegrl
12:36 May 11 2008

If you think that 56kg is fat, then you'll offend me because that's my weight :P



You'll look good anyway :)

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Adora
18:04 May 11 2008

But YOU are beautiful! :)



I'm just paranoid, at least I'm aware of that :P

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POST COMMENT

It's midday and instead of chocolate I'm finding myself craving cheese with butter.



o.O

... And my panties are getting too big. O:)





I'm still alive, even without my precious, sugary tea and most milk products.



I'm gonna try and lose a few more kg before I start adding a little carbs to my diet again.



So far I've lost 3kg in 2,5 weeks!



I don't even know what my goal is anymore... it's just such a satisfaction getting smaller and smaller.



I better be careful though... cause Yendor keeps repeating that girls with no flesh on their bones aren't attractive.



o.O



And I do want to get pregnant in a year or two...

I've decided to give it a go...

Bye bye milk products and tea.

I'll give it a week and I'll see how it goes...

It's been 2 weeks, I've got no idea how much I weigh now but I'll find out tomorrow.

My guess is around 56kg...

Which would mean I've lost 3kg.



I feel like I'm not losing weight anymore though, maybe it's because lately I haven't had the energy to do much at all and especially not exercise...



My tummy is a piece of dough after the pregnancy and I hate it.



And there's not even time for me to exercise, sigh.



What does weight loss matter when my body isn't all toned? Like this I could weigh 50kg and not be happy with it.



I'll never be happy with it.





Or maybe I'm just eating too much carbs... but I CAN'T give up my English style tea (milk+sugar) and no herbal tea can ever replace that.



I've given up everything else... even chocolate.



And I only have not more than 2 cups a day which is a HUGE improvement.



Meh.



What am I doing wrong? Probably the tea.

Maybe, just maybe I'm gonna have to skip it for a week and see what happens...



Anyway...



Today's meal plan:



Breakfast:

2 eggs with butter, 1 slice of cheese, a little yogurt



Snack:

1/2 avocado with yogurt



Dinner:

Chicken breast with feta cheese spread and green beans



Snack:

Some slices of smoked salmon





Oh yeah and don't forget the tea... and some cheese in between.



Maybe I should try to give up the milk products as well for a week?





Whaaat am I eeeveeen doing?

I'll never lose the fat.

It's not even the problem here! I don't even know why I'm striving to lose more.

I might have fat but I feel so healthy and refreshed, isn't that what matters?





Mr Genie in the bottle, wherever you are, come and give this mummy some much needed muscles...

Everyone is amazed at how I can carry around Ryan (=10kg) around all the time, but I really don't see the fuss with it?



I don't have muscles and Yendor does, yet he gets tired after a few minutes.



When people ask... I simply give them the answer "I'm a mother, I have invisible muscles"



Besides... he's not the kind of baby you can leave playing alone all the time...

COMMENTS

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Oceanne
13:03 May 07 2008

One of the little benefits of being a mom..we can leap small buildings in a single bound..

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BubbleGumClaudia
13:04 May 07 2008

And wear a diaper bag as a awesome fashion statement!

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deathnitegrl
12:38 May 11 2008

That's why it is said that women have a stronger mental strength, it affects us physically, so that makes us stronger in both ways haha:P

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I've noticed something funny about Ryan, he gets these days when he is very tired and doesn't do much more than whine or sleep... (I don't know whether to hate it or love it, I get a break but at the same time I can't do much around the house)



... And whenever that happens, it's Sunday.



o.O



My little boy is 6 months now btw and rolling around, talking/shouting like crazy! Oh, and he was baptized a week ago... I'll post pictures later as they are on the laptop...



At moments like these I wish I had a good book to read, bleh, perhaps I should take a peek at play.com...

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Deity
15:48 May 04 2008

Sunday is typically known as the day of rest ;)

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I told Yendor about my weight loss and his reply was:

"You're getting too thin and it's not attractive"



And then my mother comes telling me I shouldn't lose more weight cause "You looked horrible when you were so sick and thin"



Eh, is everyone blind?



I have A LOT more fat to lose and I'm going to lose it...And this time I am staying thin and not going all bulimic.



+ I still need to work my muscles but I don't think bringing a baby to the gym is a good idea.



I won't give up until I am slimlike a model, so there!

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Deity
00:07 May 04 2008

This is way off topic, but your avatar is gorgeous. Really, how can it not be?



Gorgeous mother.

Gorgeous baby.



♥

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You know,

At least I can eat scrambled eggs and fatty Greek yogurt every morning... yummy.



I am beginning not to miss sugar in the shape of chocolate, sweets and all that... this morning I didn't even crave my morning milk + sugar tea (I have still to learn to drink it without sugar...)



It still bugs me not being allowed to eat sweet, Maltese strawberries though... Although I can eat whipped cream :P



It's paying off though, this morning when I put on my new jeans shorts they were already feeling a bit loose, and when I bought them in Sweden a week ago they were tight... AND they are newly washed too.



I also read about an alternative bread recipe...

Basically, instead of flour you use ground nuts or linseed, I'm gonna try it out today... with linseed though cause I can't have nuts while my goal is to lose weight.



I never knew so much food contains carbs... Even beans do, which means no more bean burgers for now... ble! I am only allowed to eat food which contains less than 5g carbs per 100g... it's tough.



On the positive side though, I still feel much better than I used to!



:)

How do I maintain a high fiber intake with the LCHF diet???

I need fiber! And as far as I know with fiber comes carbs.



I haven't been able to.. you know, well since I began with this diet 1,5 weeks ago... I feel bloated because of it.



Other than that it is going well... although I am getting bored with the food, there's no variation and I miss my fruit and sandwiches.



But oh well... you gotta pay to get thin.

COMMENTS

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Deity
09:59 May 02 2008

Are you sure you aren't just pregnant again? LOL ;)



KIDDDDDDDING!!! ♥

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Adora
09:05 May 03 2008

o.O



Now that you mention it... LOL



No, no :P



At least I'm not planning to be for another 2 years or so... theeeen I'm hoping for a girl!! :D

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