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Why can't I just learn who I am, what I want, where I'm headed, what I'm good at and get the courage to go with it, already?



I'm so tired of this insecurity and battles within, it's just never ending. One moment I want this, the next I'm doubting again. Not even banging my head against the wall helps. I'm just THAT lost and I feel like time is escaping me.



I honestly go to bed every night wishing I can somehow pass away in my sleep cause I feel like my life is not worth living, everything about it is just crap.



I hate being a single parent, I hate feeling I have this huge responsibility when I cannot even take care of myself. I'm scared of messing up Ryan's life. The anxiety is killing me and I feel so weak and alone in all of this, and I'm tired of being alone with such a demanding child. I'm just failing in every direction. I can't believe I was ever so stupid as to conceive a child when I have absolutely no capability to raise one.



It just sucks, it really does. How everything has turned out, I see no way out. I don't want to be alone. I feel so sick to death with being alone.

COMMENTS

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Deity
01:45 Jun 02 2011

Adora,



I would suggest taking a moment to just sit in silence and listen to your thoughts. Life is what you make of it -- it's an individual experience based on the actions you take and the consequences that follow. Pursue that inner happiness by channeling those moments that inspire jubilee.





I think that perhaps talking to someone about what you want out of life and how you feel about your current state of being will benefit you and Ryan greatly.



You created that precious life. Remember that every time you feel down on yourself and unable to muster any strength to go on. ♥

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