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I used to be a huge Spice Girls fan when I was younger, and I remember crying my eyes out when they split up.



I know their songs are nothing special, none of them have good voices and so on... but there was something about them.



I wish they had had time to release more than 2 albums together... the 3rd one doesn't count in my opinion, they weren't the Spice Girls without Geri Halliwell.





It's a shame they won't be having a concert in Stockholm... I guess I could go to either London or Germany in December, but with a newborn? Yeah, right.



Oh well :(

Me? An English teacher? What am I thinking anyway? How could... I... possibly... do this?



It's all so intense... So much yet so little information in such a short time, my mind is a mess and I can't sort it all out.



But worst of all I actually have people who believe in me.



Sigh...



I just don't feel it right now.

I'm singing Creed to baby... Yummy :)

I seriously don't know how I am going to survive this summer.



It's in the middle of the night, I am exhausted and sleepy but I can't sleep... might have to do with the fact that it's 30 C outside... It is driving me CRAZY! And not to mention restless... And I have the baby kicking as if it's protesting together with me. The fact that my body temperature already is higher thanks to baby is not making life easier right now... I really don't understand how people can live in Africa!! God, please bless me with Swedish weather.



Even the water in the shower is hot because the sun heats it up...



GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Type D: Charming type

Among the 4 types, your type possesses the most charming beauty. The sexy charm that you possess attracts other people's attention and helps you gain popularity. You are advised to be cautious when other people flatter you too much.





http://www.personalityquiz.net/profiles/character.htm





Oh that is just too true.

LOL

Hmm...



I am very curious about things I shouldn't be curious about.



Thank god I have no need to feel insecure, I know what's mine can never be taken away. I am WAY too valuable to let go off.



Although...

I am beginning to wonder if this excites me or bothers me.



All I can say is, MINE!

And so is milk.

Yumyummyumyum!



I am sitting here by myself with a kicking baby while Yendor is at work... He'll be gone all night, meh. It's so weird, I imagined that after a year I would get used to the idea of not having him around all the time and that my love would perhaps even fade a little...

But I still feel desperate every time he leaves.

Like everything I do makes no sense because he's not around, so I end up doing nothing but wait for him to come home... In the same way I get all restless when he's sleeping and I can't sleep... I want to be with him all the time... sigh





I overspent money on 3 books today... Cause I was too eager... As always. I can never wait with anything I must have it now now now! So I spent 131 USD when I could have bought the same books from Amazon for 71...

*hangs head in shame*



At least I dont really regret it cause these books are damn worth their price, I'll be using them for the rest of my life both in learning and teaching english.



And I still need (want) to buy a really good english dictionary and a book preparing for the CAE exam. I am pretty sure I will come up with a million other books I will want...





Meh, Yendor will kill me when I tell him... Or give me a lecture on the importance of patience. Bleh on him! At least I payed for the books, not him... But then again he payed for my course, which cost the double...



In my defense, it would take like 6-8 weeks to get them shipped here, and I do need the books NOW since I am supposed to be teaching a class in 3 weeks time and I need to practice my grammar. So There!



lalalal





Now I really need chocolate.

The TEFL course is EXACTLY what I need!

I had my first lesson today, and I am surprised at how excited I am feeling about this. Today's lesson was basically about different teaching methods, the importance of communication and how to plan a lesson. I found it so incredibly interesting and encouraging... I kept thinking to myself during the lesson "I can do this... I really can" I think that's the first time I've ever felt so convinced and confident about something.



I feel more certain for every day that this is truly the right move, the right thing for me to do in life. I really can't imagine a more fulfilling life than the one I'd have as an English teacher for children... AND doing voluntary work at all the animal centers around here in Malta.

I feel so happy!



I'll be having a lesson now every weekday from 5-8, learning new things intensively every day for the next 4 weeks. The last week I am going to be held responsible of different classes at all levels, so I'll have to plan my own lessons and really believe in myself... This is such a challenge for me, Imagine me... Shy, quiet, obeying, insecure little me standing in front of a whole class who are expecting to learn something from me... A whole class which will demand absolute confidence from me.

I do think I can do it... I have to. I want to.



I am investing in some English teching and grammar books... Quite expensive, but they're worth it and they recommend that we buy them so... I consider it to be worth the money. I need to polish my grammar a bit...



Other than that everything is going well... Baby seems to be growing a lot cause it keeps stealing all my blood and energy, it took me 5 hours to even manage to get out of bed this morning cause I kept feeling too weak and falling asleep over and over again. Ironically now when I should be sleeping I feel better... Yendor came home tired from work so he went to sleep almost immediately... *sigh* trying to fall asleep in this heat isn't an easy task... I almost wish I was back in Sweden, just because of the weather... ahh, rain... ahh, cold... I am really dying in this heat... having 2 fans blowing in my face is barely helping... bleh

I will just have to survive somehow.





Damnit... and I was feeling so horny... guess I'll have to help myself now. lol

>:)

...I realized today that the sense of power and dominance over Yendor turns me on. >:)



Oh and of course... he loves the newfound lioness in me :P

I am craving fruit salad like crazy.

We don't have any fruit at home and everything is closed! ARGH!



So Yendor is being sweet enough, trying to make it up to be by making me a midnight snack of scrambled eggs and garlic bread... yumyum, baby likes...

I keep pressing my tummy everywhere, attempting to wake Baby up so that I can feel it kicking...



It's been going crazy with the moving and the kicking this morning... And I just felt a kick down there.

LOL



This is such an amazing feeling...

I really feel sorry for men not being able to experience this, it's the most wonderful thing I've felt in my entire life, having a baby to take care of, a little being growing inside you, someone that truly is a part of you...





If only we had a name for this little (probable) boy!

I took an exam today that I had to take in order to see if I was qualified for the TOEFL course... And about an hour ago I got a phone call saying that I passed, so I am starting the course on monday... Wee! :D



The test was at an upper intermediate level, and I found it to be riddiculously easy...

So hopefully this means I'll be doing well during the course... At the end of it I'll be taking the real TOEFL exam...



And after that I am aiming for the CAE exam.





Buuut...

That's not the best news I have for you today my lovely people...



This morning, I felt the baby kick for the first time!! It was only two days ago that I first felt it moving, I've been feeling it alot since then, and this morning I was resting with my hand on my tummy when I suddenly felt this strong kick from the inside hitting my hand! I felt it twice, then I called Yendor and baby kicked another time for daddy! :D



I really didn'y expect for baby to start kicking so quickly... I mean, I am just beginning my 20th week now.. I am 19 weeks + 2 days... My tummy is really showing now though, standing out like a big fotball... lol



I'll take a picture for you to see... :)



And we went to the hospital today, I have an appointment for a check up and ultrasound on the 2nd of July... So Yendor will finally get to see baby in action! AND we will find out the gender.. Although I am still convinced it's going to be a boy.

Why does that disappoint me so much? I gotta grow up. sigh





I hope you're all doing well

♥

MY BABY IS MOVIIINNNGGGG!!! :D:D:D:D

I've got milk in my boobies.

It's so much fun squirting it out, soon I'll be aiming for Yendor...

I have a new goal in life.

Apart from studying to become an english teacher and raising my baby, I want to learn at least 8 languages fluently... if not more.



Now that I am in Malta (I love this place) I am feeling relaxed and focused after only 2 days here... It's amazing, this place works like magic for me. I don't even worry about school and I haven't felt anxious since I arrived. Today I am actually feeling so positive... and happy. I feel like I have my future planned like I want it to, like it's mean to be, in a way that satisfies me.



Basically, I am taking the TEFL course here in Malta starting on the 19th and planning to study english hard for the month I'll be attending... and then pass the exam.



After that, I have what? 4 months to go before baby arrives? Imagine how much I could learn during those 4 months, in a day I've learnt a couple of words in maltese and that's without trying. Yendor's mom is eager to teach me and so is he, and as I will be exposed to the language for these 3 months... I don't see why I shouldn't get my act together and learn it.



After the baby is born, I will always have spare time that I could use for studying languages. The thing is, now that Idon't feel any pressure on me, it's beginning to feel fun and excxiting to learn languages again. I've missed that feeling.



I have spoken to Yendor and I am hoping to attend the University of Malta after next summer, I want to get as much qualifications and education in teaching english as possible. I really believe I'd be happy teaching children, or even young adults. I could also study translation which I am thinking about doing at a later stage in life... Perhaps when I'm 30 or something,. since studying one course does take 4 years. Hopefully I'll be able to study part time so I won't have to go to school all the time, I don't think I'd survive being away from the baby...



Yendor is at work now... He said he's come home for coffee with one of his friends around 6-7. I think I am going surprise him with learning a with sentences in maltese. lol



SO anyways...



By the time I am 25, I want to speak English, Swedish, Polish, Spanish, French, Maltese, Italian and Croatian perfectly and fluently.



I just added Croatian basically because I was able to speak it very well as a child, my mom was living together with natalia's father back then... But he left when Natalia was 7, 5 years ago now, and since then I haven't heard or spoken Croatian... so it's WAY back in my memory. BUT... I think if I practice, it'll slowly come back to me... And my mom speaks croatian, I don't understand why we didn't keep the language up by speaking it together. Hmm..

And anyways, it's a slavic language like Polish... and a beautiful one too.



Maltese and Italian, because I have the oppotunity to be constantly exposed to it thanks to Yendor which will probably make it much easier to learn.



French and Spanish since I already have the basics...



And I need to polish my Polish :P



Hehe... After 25... I might just go for other slavic languages... why not Slovak, Romanian or Russian?





Wish me luck. :)



Until then...



Inhobok hafna, Yendor!!!

I am "just" turning 20 in about 2 months...

Why am I feeling sooooo old? lol



I had my ultrasound yesterday, they wouldn't find out the sex for me, bleh. But I'll be taking one in Malta to find out... hehehe kiss my ass, Swedish doctors. I got 2 photos taken of baby... They don't look as good since I've taken photos of the photos with my webcam... but you get the idea :)













I am 18 full weeks now... And my tummy is really starting to grow.. FAST! o_O

I weigh 63kg... which is + 6 kg now... o_O I am so paranoid about gaining too much weight... But I do try to eat as healthy as I can...

Hopefully I won't gain over the norm.



I got to hear baby's heart too... :D And it's perfectly healthy! ♥

and it has a brain, just had to point that out... I saw it myself... LOL



and it was touching my tummy on the inside of course with its little hand... and moving around like crazy just like the last time...



I am still convinced it's going to be a boy... Although mom keeps saying that "if it's a girl, she'll steal all your beauty" and judging from all the yuckiness I keep getting on my face, red spots and stuff... perhaps it IS a girl after all :P



I am actually not feeling very pregnant... apart from the tummy... and the fact that walking is exhausting... The doctor said at the first pregnancy, you should start feeling the first kicks around now... So we'll see... perhaps my baby will let me feel what it's like to have something kicking inside you soon. lol





I just realized... After the first 2 months... Yendor will have to go back to work... And I'll be stuck at home with a crying baby driving me insane... Oh my god o_O



Please tell me I'll survive this... lol



Oh.. and I am in DESPERATE need of a boyname... it was going to be Ryan, but that doesn't seem to work... so now it might be Alexander... but I am not sure at all, there just haven't been a name yet which I really found pretty.



So if you've got any suggestions... you know where to find me...



:)



Now I'm off to bed, going to try to sleep... wish me luck. lol

In 18 hours I will hopefully know the gender of Baby.

o_O

Why am I so excited about it?

I already know it's gonna be a boy...

I should name him Stabby :P

Yendor has given me the best graduation present ever.

I have officially adopted a lioness named Achee, hopefully I will contribute to her having a secure, protected and free life in the wild with all her little cubs.

♥









If you're interested...



http://www.bornfree.org.uk/give/adopt-an-animal/





I just wish I could save them all.

For those of you who are interested, here are a couple of pics from yesterday... Although I look like an ugly fat monkey on all of them, I am sharing them because I know you don't agree with me. At least I can admit that.



The only thing that cheered me up slightly yesterday was seeing my teachers acting crazy performing to eurovision songs... that was worth coming for. And then Nicole. Seeing her really made my day... And Natalia and Mom totally fell in love with her...



It was nice... For a few moments I almost let go of my stress and anxiety... Counting all my grades, I ended up with an average... a B... slightly above B, but not much. It's killing me. Oh well... what will it matter then I'm in Malta studying to become an english teacher? At least I had an A in all my english classes. At least...



I appologize for the size of these pics... I am way too lazy to bother resizing them and stuff.

Deal with it :P









My parents, Natalia and the ugly duck









Me, mom, natalia, nicole and my dad's gf









Me and mommy both looking like ugly ducks...









Me and Nikki! (at least my smile isn't showing here)









I need to get her a mini cap... She kept biting mine!









Me and my sisters









Natalia and Nicole, the most wonderful little girls on this planet!









Of course, mom had to bring out all the obligatory babypics of me. Bleh!























Yes... I love them.









I like cutting cake... Yummy strawberries.









I look like a fat monster. At least I can blame the tummy on baby...







Now I'm off to buy jam.

Well...

I am finally graduating today...

I still have some last minute homework I need to do over the weekend in spanish... but I feel pretty good knowing that my teacher is pushing me to do it so she can give me an A... She really seems to think I deserve it...

So...

I am feeling a little better about this, but I can't say I am fully proud of my achievements. Hopefully I'll come to my senses later.

The best part of the day - My dad is coming with Nicole!!! :D

I miss that baby!



I'm not really throwing a part here.. it's just going to be my family. I was hoping my best friend could come, but since she lives in another town and just went throw an operation (she had a gallstone) she's really in pain and I wouldn't expect her to come... that doesn't change the fact that I miss her badly though... I've already asked her to be the godmother of baby, yesterday my mom told me there might be problems since she's not a catholic... and obviously both our families want baby to be baptized in a catholic church... but luckily Yendor found out she doesn't need to be as long as the godfather is... I don't know what I would have done otherwise, probably baptize it in a protestant church... She means so incredibly much to me, she's a part of my family and I couldn't go without her having a part in my baby's life.



Speaking of baby...

I had a weird dream last night...

I was laying in bed and all of a sudden someone took baby out of my womb, and it was the most beautiful baby I've ever seen... I didn't even realize it was a boy until later... and at that point I didn't care... He was so perfect. Then this someone put the baby back inside me to let it finish growing...

I guess this means I'll really have a boy? lol

I'll check for sure on monday, but I know it's gonna be a boy. I'm absolutely positive.



Anyways... I better get going, got to get ready and stuff.



I love you, you wonderful people bothering to read my journal... lol

Thank you for your support.. ♥