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To love a demon is hell, but to love one as if your spirit has been searching for him is the worst torture of all

I knew something was different about me when the boys in elementary school wanted to play where the girls were the slaves and it was my favorite game

Well todays going to be one of those days



-care for animals

-care for gardens

-plow room for peas

-plow room for carrots

-prune flowers

-bring in furniture

-clean house

-do school with the boys

-cook meals

-cinderella forbidden scrub the master bathroom floors, walls and scrub the sink, toilet, and shower

-then clean the rest of the bathroom

I just want to dig a hole, crawl in it, and cry for a very long time. Sometimes I think the physical abuse I went through before this was better than being crushed emotionally day after day. I broke a rib helping him carry a heavy shelving unit in, a little worried its more than a rib by how it hurts to move but i dont have time to be hurt. While helping him move it I felt something snap and let my side drop, almost breaking his arm, in turn getting yelled at for a good couple hours. Then at lunch my oldest asked his daddy why was yelled at earlier and daddy told him in the end my son turned to me and said mommy i dont love you.



Im sure there is a cave somewhere i can just go hide in forever :(

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Darkpriest
05:16 May 30 2014

And your still with the man because why

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Oh am I in trouble today, I managed to finish all the outside chores he gave me as well as take care of the gardens and animals, but dinner was 2 hours late and i have not done my house cleaning rounds for the day yet

Gardens are done boys are napping and I'm almost level 10. Now to start the other chores

After cooking breakfast for my children and husband (it was late but they still got food), i finished caring for the animals for the day ( food, water, refilling misting tanks, misting smaller tanks), washed the a.c. filter and was getting ready to start caring for the garden when I was tasked with rebuilding the fire pit, fixing the gate and fence in the back yard. At least all I had to do was hold the gate and fence, he doesn't trust me with power tools, afraid i will either break the tool or myself, and he did shovel the dirt for the fire pit for me to lay the concrete slabs into and hammer down. Now while I cook lunch I get to sit and relax for a few minutes before i go out to care for the gardens

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DragonMoon
20:31 May 20 2014

You sound busy

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Last night i apparently sent my husband to work with the wrong phone, making it to where he wasnt able to call and make sure that i was up and cooking breakfast at 5:30 like i was supposed to. he was kind enough to go buy some bread for the french toast instead of still expecting me to make it. hopefully i wont mess up anymore today, or ill find an alarm clock that can actually wake me up