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These past few weeks have been a lot of introspection and self reflection of the past, present and future. Since introspection and self reflection are vital in the process I need start doing it more frequently. I haven't taken the time and did it for quite awhile because I just mentally couldn't. I could catch glimpses here and there, but to sit down and take the time and face it wasn't possible. I really needed to 'deep dive' into those two things and face some hard truths. I also needed to hold myself accountable. I do not want to remain in the same fixed mindset cycle. I want to be able to grow and 'change' behaviors that I feel need to be changed. Since I am going to get into the niche of Shadow Work life coaching I want to have hands on experience. I did start some shadow work last year, but the work book was iffy for me. The topics that it covered didn't fit with my reasons for shadow working.

I know I have a 'horrid' side. Maybe horrid isn't the right word... less than stellar. I can read myself for filth and admit to them and be fine with it. What I really need to do is stop, think and go deeper in the why and the triggers. Reading myself for filth isn't going to help me grow and evolve. Which is why I need to stop, think and process. Because I am a deeply emotional person there are times when emotions will influence my actions. This can cause the acting out of reflect. So while my feeling and emotions maybe justifiable the actions they trigger can be 'inexcusable'.

I'm not perfect. I don't want to be perfect. I do want to do better, be better and grow.
The way I can do that is examining the past, calling myself out on my mistakes and actions and move forward.

I will always have faults because I am human. It's life. But I can acknowledge those faults and work on them. Not everyone will understand or stroll along with me. That's fine. Autonomy is so important. I have to be fine with that or learn to be fine with that. Not everything can last forever. Life is life. Choices are choices. Both of those can influence different outcomes.