Sometimes I use this as relief for the pain in my soul. It is the thing that keeps my sanity at times. Not the best but it is what keeps life fuzzy enough to get through it at times.
This is something that I know well and unfortunately I also know I am not alone. To the abusers out there, all I can say is you have no idea what damage you cause to the person you are abusings very soul and being.
It is something that never stops hurting and while maybe you may be forgiven over and over for what you do, it is never forgotten and lies in the person that is being abused mind always and forever affecting their thoughts and actions
Pain is something I have learned to live with daily. Physical and emotional pain are an ingrained part of my very being. I have yet to decide which hurts the worst though. hmmm.....
Sometimes physical pain is easier to deal with as it goes away. The emotional pain from mental abuse is so hard to make go away as it cuts into your very being and makes you doubt yourself and your worth as a person.
Isn't it truly better to feel something then nothing?
I say this picture and thought that in even in pain and despair, perhaps you might find a spot of color amidst the darkness of your life to cling to and light a spark of hope in your soul. There is always beauty to cling to and bring hope.
I am submissive and have learned that there is a fine line between being submissive to a loving and caring Master/Dom and having a man use your submissiveness as a weapon to abuse you and make something that is a gift into something horrific and terrifying.
To find a Master/Dom that understands the gift of faith a submissive gives every time they submit and is loving and caring with the gift of pleasure/pain is a dream of most submissive's and to those of you that have found such a relationship yhe gladness I feel for you is deep in my heart.
Life can be exceedingly lonely at times and there are days when I look back on my life and wonder will I ever be able to fix what I have done and move on with my life?
Reaching always reaching for what? I know not, but maybe someday what ever it is I am reaching for will come to me....
The Music I Listen to!
Disturbed
Godsmack
Led Zeppelin
Pantera
Stevie Raye Vaughn
Tracy Chapman
Evanescence
Seether
Buck Cherry
Type 0 Negative the band that speaks to my heart
What can I say Peter Steele what a loss to all of us TON fans and fanatics.
Just some of them! More to be added later!
Some of the music I like and I hope you enjoy it too!
My anger is at times the keeper of my sanity and gets me through the day.
The darkness surrounds me and oddly brings me a sense of peace, more so then does the light. I find the darkness soothing and it carresses my soul.
Death awaits us all, why fear him? He comes for us all in the end.
Consider it instead perhaps a chance to find a new path and a new beginning in another incarnation!
Embrace the unknown seek new beginnings!
Me and some of the things I enjoy in my private life, to some it may be considered the "Dark" side, but I like to consider it a healthy way of being that some just don't understand.
Then again who cares if they don't understand? It isn't their way of life, so oh well pfffft to them I say
It is Mine and my beliefs and that is all that matters!
