The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Ok… so let’s start:

I’d like first to apologize for the typos I might have… I must confess I’m German (I know… nobody’s perfect) and I’m pretty much new in this country (I’ve been around for 3 years).

I thought I would throw some keywords that would describe what I like to do or maybe I won't. If you don’t keep on reading, I swear I won’t be upset with you. I will never know anyway :-)

Goth anything, lots of sex (no guys), whiskey(the good kind), the occasional fart, sitting in the rain and crying, driving on an open road with top down and screaming, loud walking in a library, and wearing Pharrel hats in the front row of a movie theatre.

And yet another short list of things that I’m not really fond of:
– High Gas Prices (can’t tell why I put this one first…)
– Self-centered people (but, hey… Have you already heard anybody saying “yes, yes, I am definitely self-centered.”
– TV (even if I like one or two shows and some movies)
– Superficial people

If you can pronounce and tell me what the fuck this phrase means, we have a good start:

“J’adore les escargots”

And last (I promise), if you think that Paris is the most beautiful city in the world, I think you should tell our parents to get ready for the wedding :-)

I am crazy, stupid, offbeat, and insidiously charming. That means Legen Sie den Sicherheitsgurt an.

Now, once on this path, can you tell me what I just said in German?