Who am I?
I am a creature of opposing extremes restrained in balance, born of suffering.
This fact is evident in every feature of my existence. Even the stars of my birth herald this. My Sun is blackened in Scorpio, my Moon is a frigid, cold and lifeless orb, a sharpened stone in the warm, fertile fields of Taurus. Between these extremes of death and life stand the twins of Gemini in the ascendant, each face drawing power from the sides of darkness and light within my soul, always in contention, always shifting the balance within, an engine of dynamism that knows no morality beyond that which furthers my aims.
I emerged from the fires of a youth filled with abuse of every kind imaginable. Psychological abuse from the damaged minds of my immediate family, sexual abuse at the hands of my caretakers, physical abuse from parents and others. And, of course, the brainwashing into obedience to a society that sees me as a disposable utility. Yes, this is all true. I have seen and experienced the whole wretched spectrum of human depravity. Many times have I been tempted to bury myself, to let the whole stinking miasma of existence just come and slide over me, an avalanche against my ebony flame.
Yet I remain. I am still here after everything. It is my will to remain. It is my will to continue. In whatever way, by whatever means, I will endure. I will endure.
To this end I study all and any forms of knowledge that will assist me, be they well known or occult.
To this end I choose those who would be my companion, that they not attach to me as some parasite, depleting my strength, taking what is mine for themselves. I give as I see fit, and take in the same manner. It is mine to know which I shall do should we cross paths. I am an opportunist.
To this end do I constantly pit my will and strength against myself. That which can be broken, MUST be broken. All must be assailed, to find that which is adamant, that which is strong enough to persist.
If you add me to your friends list, please send a message letting me know so that I may return the favor.
“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion”
~ Albert Camus
"Hear no evil, speak no evil - and you'll never be invited to a party." ~ Oscar Wilde
"Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history,
is man's original virtue. It is through disobedience
that progress has been made,
through disobedience and through rebellion.”
~ Oscar Wilde
“I hate the thing is called enjoyment:
Besides it is a dull employment,
It cuts off all that's life and fire
From that which may be termed desire;
Just like the bee whose sting is gone
Converts the owner to a drone.”
~ John Wilmot, Poems
"Egoism is the very essence of a noble soul."
~Friedrich Nietzsche
"The villainy you teach me I will execute—and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction."
~Shylock from Shakespeare's
The Merchant of Venice
"Never lose your self-respect. Even when alone, don’t be too lax with yourself. Let your own integrity be the measure of your rectitude; owe more to the severity of your own opinion than to external rules. Stop yourself doing something improper more through fear of your own good sense than of some stern external authority. Stand in fear of yourself and you will have no need of Seneca’s imaginary tutor."
~Baltasar Gracian,
The Art of Worldly Wisdom
"Of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing can ever be made"
~Immanuel Kant
"The worst form of tyranny the world has ever known, the tyranny of the weak over the strong. It is the only tyranny that lasts" ~ Oscar Wilde
"The greatest epochs of our lives occur when we gain the courage to rechristen what is evil in us as what is best" ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
"Being a man, born without his knowledge and against his will, thrown into the ocean of existence. Have to swim. Exist. Wear identity. Withstand atmospheric pressure all around him, all the crashes, unpredictable and contingency procedures, their own and others, which generally are not the custom of our forces. And above all, we should still stand and have our thoughts about all this. In short: to be a man" ~ Ivo Andric
"A person who is not inwardly prepared for the use of violence against him is always weaker than the one committing the violence" ~ Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn,
The Gulag Archipelago
"There is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself" ~ Miyamoto Musashi
“We are aberrations—beings born undead, neither one thing nor another, or two things at once … uncanny things that have nothing to do with the rest of creation, horrors that poison the world by sowing our madness everywhere we go, glutting daylight and darkness with incorporeal obscenities. From across an immeasurable divide, we brought the supernatural into all that is manifest. Like a faint haze it floats around us. We keep company with ghosts. Their graves are marked in our minds, and they will never be disinterred from the cemeteries of our remembrance. Our heartbeats are numbered, our steps counted. Even as we survive and reproduce, we know ourselves to be dying in a dark corner of infinity. Wherever we go, we know not what expects our arrival but only that it is there.”
~ Thomas Ligotti,
The Conspiracy Against the Human Race
"Leland, the time has come for you to seek the path. Your soul has set you face to face with the clear light, and you are now about to experience it in it's reality, wherein all things are like the void and cloudless sky and the naked, spotless intellect is like a transparent vacuum, without circumference or center. Leland, in this moment know yourself and abide in that state." ~ Special Agent Dale Cooper-"Twin Peaks"
"This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up an shout 'Save us!'...and I'll whisper 'no.'"~Rorschach, "Watchmen"
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."~ Robert A. Heinlein
"O Nature! What hadst thou to do in Hell, When thou didst bower the spirit of a fiend…In mortal Paradise of such sweet flesh."~William Shakespeare,
Romeo and Juliet
“To bear children into this world is like carrying wood to a burning house.”~ Peter Wessel Zapffe
"I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinions of himself than on the opinions of others"~Marcus Aurelius
