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When I'm alone I like to cover myself with Vaseline and pretend I'm a slug

I am the illegitemate son of Papa smurf and Gargamel. One strange night a long time ago Papa smurf and Gargamel were having peacetalks. Being the evil bastard that Gargamel is he was secretly plotting to kill Papa Smurf during these peacetalks. So he made a potion of this strange fungus he found growing between his unwashed toes. Faking friendliness he sat there talking to Papa smurf for 30 minutes before he came with an evil cackle and tossed the potion at the goodietwoshoes red leader of the smurfs. What Gargamel had not predicted was what kind of chemical effect it would have with the old perverted smurf, it made some sort of wierd lovepotion (I'd rather not go into details on what happend) and by some freak accident of nature I was born. Ofcourse neither Papa smurf or Gargamel admit the fact that I was their child so they took me deep into the forest and left me for dead.
I was found and raised by a family of feral rabid chipmunks and lived a carefree life burrowing from tree to tree in the great forest until I was discoverd by a group of monekyninjas who were hiding out in the forest. They taught me to listen to rock and to dress in black like any selfrespecting evil ninja should do.They also taught me to fight and kill ninja forbidden so that one day I might challenge the great Chuck Norris and make him into the ninjamonkeys bitch cause he had them banished to the great dark forest where no bananas grow.


There have been some questions regarding the colour of strangled smurfs, here is the answer.


Strangelig a smurf is no small feat, the reasons are many:

• First you have to catch one, they are sneaky little bastards


• They are very tiny so it's hard to apply the correct amout
  of preassure without squishing them


• They have no necks.

Best way to do it is make a hangmansnoose with some fishing line. I recommend using type Rapala Finesse Fishing Line RFLF10C 10LB 360YD Clear.
But be very careful to tighten it very gently, tweezers are a musthave tool.
If you do it correctly the smurf should after a short while turn a very fine shade of purple or darkpurple depening if you held the smurf upside down or not when tightening the noose.

I consider it cheating, but if you are either lazy, clumsy or in a hurry you can also just use tape or crazy glue over the smurfs mouth and nose.