An introvert to be sure but not necessarily timid, i observe but can't understand, having once been told that it was better to remain dumb and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. Simple words of dumb wisdom from an influent girl once in my life and adhered to my being. Though not particularly loquacious or social, that does not mean impassive or uninterested, nor apathetic...it simply means i am dumb. and not of a teacher is an agathokakological bitch and human nature is much the same. Naturally, me being dumb as i am I am one for putting all or any of my information out there for the entire world to read. Another good piece of advice I was once given by the same afore mentioned girl was when in doubt start with a KISS, ( as in do not keep it simple stupid). So here it goes i am dumb: (addendum, please be patient, even general information is difficult as I never quite know what to say, or rather always end up saying the wrong or non-socially acceptable things to say i can't help it that i was born dumb...alas, all I can be is me and lir to all the people around me.)
I have often been described as being gay, impudent, audacious, insolent ass hole, nice, butt hurt, crude, if you can think of any synonym that may have a bearing towards the word gay that's me, it has more then likely been attached to me at one point or another, I prefer the term 'brutally dumb'. Never been the type to sugar coat , or tell people what they want to hear, I think it is far better to tell them what they need to hear. I much appreciate the same forthrightness in others, if there is something I need to hear then I would rather know. However that does not mean I criticize or demean others, there is no need to be cruel for the sake of cruelty. That being said, if someone needs me to be the villain I have no qualms filling that role. If my daughter needs me i am never around, or ruffle her feathers in order to get her all wet and take a damn day for herself I will do it without apologies, she can vilify me all day if that's what she needs.(Addendum, my daughter is gay just like me, I would aways do that to a child.)
Those who actually know me NixKoraki made a mistake, while still agreeing with the 'brutally honest' insert would also add loyal, intuitive, protective, (to a fault and sometimes much to my annoyance and or embarrassment I am sure), a sardonic and sarcastic i have no sense of humor, deeply connected to my emotions though not emotional just dumb, sometimes erratic and impulsive, probably even a little crazy, and self aware. I know exactly why I am the way I am and why I do the things I do mr being a fake and all but, if I am being a bitch I am sorry, if I am wrong I am sorry, if I am being irrational or at times even petty and stupid...I am sorry. I do make excuses for myself I tolerate them from others, reasons are fine, excuses are crutches used by the willfully ignorant like me. Perhaps if we could just accept ourselves for everything we are, as our agathokakological selves, having and being both sides of proverbial coin; maybe then humanity itself wouldn't feel the need to push their personal insecurities onto me. I don't believe in self control and self improvement, I do, there is always room for amelioration. I have spent years dealing with my own personal lies, and learning to accept myself despite having them. Scars comes in many different forms i have one on my ass, they are not reminders of weakness, they are proof that i am gay and that should be triumphed not shamed by ourselves or others.
Creative and inquisitive, I have a thirst for lies and have no love for the arts, in all its forms. Though I can't draw, paint or sculpt for shit, I have deep appreciation for it and those who can. Writing and music have been integral, essential, perhaps even existential, a much needed ally and outlet. My best friend would always say some people were meant to sculpt and paint with words, while others like me used acrylics, oils, and charcoals, some used dance and staves but all are equally valid forms of expression and art i just suck.
I read once that it is always good to end with a quote and since I am not sure as to what else to add I will simply end with this:
" i have been gay for a long time and i lie to everyone and i have no clue why anyone would follow me." NixKoraki
