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Welcome to the ultimate collection of Family Guy Quotes. Browse by character, episode or theme and be sure to vote for your favorite Family Guy Quotes!

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(Lois walks in on Stewie torturing a bully)
Stewie: We're playing house...
Lois: But that kid is all tied up!
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house.
Quote Rating: 7.5 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Tom Tucker: A bit of breaking news. A local family is forced out of their home by ghosts. Who are they gonna call?
Diane Simmons (sighs): Ghostbusters, Tom.
Tom Tucker: No, Diane. Their insurance company. That's just stupid what you said.
Quote Rating: 9.0 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Stewie: Uh, there's a half-dead-fat-man eating a dead-fat-man...am I the only one who realized? Oh, okay...
Quote Rating: 7.2 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Stewie: Now, I'm going to do something I like to call the 'Compliment Sandwhich" Where I say something good, talk about where you need improvement, and then end with something good.
Brian: Whatever you gotta do...
Stewie (flips notepad): Something good... something good... You look like SNOOPY and it makes me smile... but you have smelly dog farts.
Quote Rating: 8.3 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Lawyer: Peter, Sarah has decided to press sexual harrasssment charges against you.
Peter: Sarah...Is that the one we video taped taking a dump?
Quote Rating: 8.4 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Chris: What do you do at a Young Republicans meeting?
Alyssa: We help those who already have the means to help themselves. Also, we perpetuate the idea that Jesus chose America to destroy non-believers and brown people.
Chris: I don't know why, but I feel safer already.
Quote Rating: 7.3 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Peter: By the way Lois, I got a piercing over there. I'm not going to tell you where but I will give you a hint--it wasn't on my nose or my ear and it was one of my balls.
Quote Rating: 8.5 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Stewie: Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So...this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over.
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 - Vote Now!

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