choice07:41 Apr 09 2009
Times Read: 669
this is a journal entry from Slipknot4Life2009's journal and my comment. i hope she doesn't mind.
There comes a time in everyone’s life when they must choose a direction in the road that they want to go. Well me having gone down this road I must say there are so many bumps that will make you want to rip your own heart out and chop it into a bunch of little tiny pieces and burn them. This of course was the wrong way down the road and the other way was smooth macadam with lines directing flow down the road.
Once in awhile people veer away from the road and go stomp around in the muddy waters that inhabit the fields nearby. This is where the fun begins and you have to tie your hair back and just go with it, and maybe just maybe life will begin again for you. Not everything in life is perfect, but that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t meant to be. If you were to walk up to a random stranger and wrap your arms around him and whisper I love you as you pulled him close, would he say that he has been waiting for you since he can remember as he wraps his strong long arms around you? No but that doesn’t mean that love doesn’t eventually find you in life, and when it does it is the most magical thing you’d ever want to get out of your life.
The love you feel for one person cannot be written in a sentence nor can it be said. The feeling that you get when you look a man in the eyes as he murmurs I love you against your hair as it blows in the wind. What most people would do and say to have this in their life. Maybe just maybe love comes when you’re least expecting it to come along and it might just might not be who you’d expect it to be looking you in the eyes as you walk down the isle in a big dress.
Then again there may be a time in your life that you’ll never let your guard down and you’ll never be able to feel the simple joys in life. Many things go wrong and we cannot explain how or why it happened, we only choose to blame ourselves to cure the pain. Heartbroken and alone are the leading causes to not just my depression but also many others depression. To forgive and forget you must first forgive the person no matter how much pain they had caused you, then to completely heal yourself you need to then forgive yourself. By doing these steps much more pain may come but in the end your heart will be free from pain and guilt. Chapter I
i agree with you. i started off like anyone else. just another kid. no one really takes time for you when your a kid, because your "too young to understand" or "i don't have the time right now" or "you'll figure it out on your own everntually". but it hurts more that way. we go from being cared for in every way to be completely alone all the time. it's hard. and most do find a way, if not as good a way as it could have been. but that's the problem with the way things are, and i'm just as guilty as anyone else. people really don't have a lot of time do take care. the world is so unforgiving in so many ways that you have to get a crash course of everything, from the stove being hot, to learning things the hard way, to what and to whom you can express yourself to. it's a sad life we live. but there are things that i did that are making it easier. i was told when i was young that i was special, that i was smarter than a lot of kids. now that i look back, that's not the best thing to tell a child. anyway, it went to my head. and yet i was very shy at the same time. unless i knew the person very well, i wouldn't say anything. after i got to about 4th grade i was tired of doing all the work, i didn't see the point in doing something i already new. i aced all the tests, why do i have to do the worksheets was my question. so i stopped doing them. i started getting into trouble with a few of my friends. we would vandalize, smoke cigarettes, and destroy other people's stuff. when i got to middle school it was back to being shy because i didn't know too many people. after that first year though it was back to me not doing anything. although now it was on to drugs and alcohol. my father caught me doing all that stuff and so made me move in with him on the other side of town. now in highschool, it was once again back to being shy (especially from being high a lot). after i got into the groove, i went back to not doing anything. i dropped out of scholl 10 days after i turned 16. i waited a few months at home until my mother told me that it was work or school. i chose a charter school with the understanding that if it was the same nonsense, i would drop out again. well, it was and i did. i got a job the next day with one of my buddies from my old highschool. i had quit all the drugs when i had started going to the new school, but once i got a job that resumed. it only got worse from there, heading into more and more drugs (and worse ones) and jumping from job to job. it was at this point that my friends were very serious about me losing my virginity. i was pretty adamant that that wasn't going to happen soon. i just haden't found my perfect girl yet. i held out. after awhile i realized that all the dreams i had had as a kid were never going to happen if i kept on the same path. i moved in with my friend that lived in a different state. i quit doing drugs and was just doing the job and drinking thing. we moved to a different city for some small reason. i went from job to job to job there. i got so sick of trying, i let go one of my most prized possesions, my virginity. finnally i got so sick of being broke, with no skills, a crappy job, nothing to show for any of it. i joined the army. the army life is a completely different world than "the real world". you are held accountable for everything you do, and for everyone arround you as well. if something needs to be done and you see it, even though it's not techically part of your job, it's your responsibility to fix it. this is just the way it is. everyone is held to a higher standard. no civilian will ever understand. most civilians think that it's so good of us to fight for our country, but it's not just the fight. every single moment of our lives is dedicated to making things better in every way for every person (as long as they are not the enemy, but even then, once the enemy isn't the enemy we have to look out for their benifit). life in the army is really high paced and really hard. but its the way i've always wanted my life to be. i just didn't know i would find it in the army. the army has givin me the tools i need to be successful. anything i want to do (within reason), i feel the army has givin me what it takes. everything i've gone through has always made me stronger.
now heres the point.
the army gave me the strength to deny the parts of me, of my past that i was ashamed of. the army gave me the outlet to forgive myself. i've done some things that i'm not proud of. i've been a thief, a liar, disloyal, uncaring, apathetic, cynical, adulterous, and a thousand other things that ate at my heart and my will to go one step farther. but i had to make a choice. either i was gonna be a victim, or i was gonna fight. i chose to fight.
now whenever i make a choice i ask myself, is this something a person i admire would do? and if it is, i do it, if it's not i don't. and it's not perfect, but it is extremely better than it was. i feel empowered to do the right thing. i know that there will always be thing in my way to overcome. but i will follow the soldier's creed:
i am an american soldier
i am a warrior and a member of a team
i serve the people of the united states and live the army values
i will always place the mission first
i will never accept defeat
i will never quit
i will never leave a fallen comreade
i am disiplined, phisically and mentally tough
trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills
i always mantain my army, my equipment, and myself
i am an expert and i am a profesional
i stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the united states of america
i am a guardian of freedom, and the american way of life
i am an american soldier.
so no matter what it is that you deside to do remember: character is defined not by the obstacles you face, but how you handle them.
COMMENTS
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Isis101
01:37 Apr 27 2009
Amen.